“Lost Girl” Rewind Mini-Cap (5.6): Clear Eyes, Fae Hearts

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Rewind is a weekly mini-recap following the Syfy broadcast of Lost Girl. Read the full episode recap here.

Hey, you know when you’re dreaming about one hot, kinda girlfriend and then you wake up next to another hot, kinda girlfriend. Some girls kinda have all the luck.

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So the team is tracking a triple spiral symbol that keeps popping up next to dead humans–like the latest victim is a hot young football prospect. Dyson thinks it’s some sort of end-of-days cult. To find out more, Bo and Tamsin do the one thing they know will crack the case wide open. Hot cheerleaders to the rescue. Though, honey, your cheers may need a little work. Or, at the very lease, find a verse that rhymes with, “Suck my balls.”

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So Tamsin goes undercover as a cheerleader and Bo as a cheer coach. Why? Because there is a benevolent TV god and she loves us, that’s why. Right away Head Bitchy Cheerleader (HBC) questions Tamsin’s pom-pom credentials but Tammy gives her a little Valkyrie face and takes care of the situation. HBC has nothing on HBV.

Meanwhile the ladies continue to ask questions about the dead football player. Instead they witness the very living football quarterback miraculously recover from a vicious hit. Seems suspicious, but then it’s only 15-minutes into the episode so he’s probably not the murderer because what would they do for the other 45 minutes? Cheers?

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Lauren is monitoring a very bandaged Cassie. She’s muttering about some end-of-days imagery. Hey, end of days? That sounds familiar. Where have I heard that before? Oh well, back to the Red Herring Quarterback.

Bo calls Lauren to help with testing to find out if he is Fae. But Tamsin would rather she call anyone-but-Lauren. Like, say, Dyson. Geez, when even the characters no longer see someone as a romantic foil, perhaps it’s time to hang up that triangle, eh? But this Lauren-Tamsin triangle is alive and well–especially for one very lovesick Valkyrie.

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While Trick is busy serving ancient cocktails to the mystery woman from the elevator (seriously, does no one compare notes on this show–how about a group text?), Lauren is busy stepping into a Lesbian Nightmare. She goes undercover as a drug testing doctor and has to watch sweaty naked men pee into a cup.

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Bo arrives to see what Lauren has found out about the football players’ pee. They manage to flirt over urine samples, which is a whole new level. They discover the QB is human, but also a descendent of Hercules. The poor guy didn’t know about his heritage. So they zero in on the Cheer Boy instead. But then QB holds a press conference, which clears them both on account of The Gay.

Dyson’s unwanted spawn gets a visit from the strangely omnipresent teen chick who might be in the cult. She tells him her parents have something big planned for the big game. It’s starting to make a little more sense. The teen cult chick, the FaeDate/homophobic sports publicist, the neck-snapping cocktail lady. They’re all related somehow. And they’re all going to be at the game.

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So Tamsin suits up to play because–um, hmm, let me think–mostly because it’s hot. Bo barges into the luxury box to confront them. They’re excited about what the newly popular gay QB’s success will mean for their “family.” Well, they sure bicker like family. The neck-snapping cocktail lady then feeds off the crowd and dispatches Bo with her thunderbolt hands.

So the team wins the big game thanks to Tamsin, who also makes the HBC reassess her sexuality. So, yay team, right? Whoops, wrong. Because now the angry family–who just happen to be Greek gods–has what they want and Bo is left with an open shoulder wound. Oh, and also someone who just called herself your girlfriend. Yeah, good luck with that, Bo-Bo. And the Greek gods, too.

BONUS BOOBS O’CLOCK:

How you like them pom-poms?

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CAPTION THIS:

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READ THE FULL LOST GIRL 5.06 RECAP HERE.

More by Ms. Snarker: @dorothysnarker or dorothysurrenders.com.

 

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