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“Call the Midwife” recap (4.8): Another Lesbian Tragedy

It’s the season finale of Call the Midwife, and like most finales it has laughter, tears, and neo-natal poisoning. We open with the women of Nonnatus House hosting an engagement party for Fred and Violet. Trixie is upset when she sees that Wini has placed the cake on the same board from her engagement party, while I wonder what the actual fuck a cake board is. We also see the welcome return of Chummy, who is spending a couple of weeks in London for a training seminar.

Chummy walks in with a tin of cookies, so you know Sister Monica Joan is going to be all over it. Unfortunately, the tin holds the remains of Chummy’s dead mother, and not a cookie in sight. She also brings in a toilet training seat that she forgot to leave with her husband and son. Worst. Engagement. Gifts. Ever.

Later at the clinic, we meet Maureen, a pregnant mum with vicious morning sickness. We know this because moments after meeting her, we see her puking in her purse. We’ve all been there, girl. The other mothers keep an eye on him, and the women joke about how science will soon have a birth control pill. LOL future.

We also meet Marlene, Fred’s bitchy daughter, who is none too pleased about his recent engagement. Fun fact, all the mean women in Poplar have beehives. Marlene is upset that Fred plans on leaving their childhood home to live with Violet. This girl is bad news.

Trixie is making a protein face mask out of egg whites, and invites Chummy to join her. She laments aging, while Chummy would rather have the treatment in the form of a custard. Chummy wants to scatter her mother’s ashes, but she has no idea where to do so.

Trixie tends to a deaf expectant mum June. They try to communicate with hand gestures and a shared notebook, but luckily her loving husband Kevin arrives to help translate. He tells Trixie that as soon as he met June, he started learning sign language. Since there is no one else to translate, he will be in the room during her delivery. Later, the women of Nonnatus House discuss a husband in the delivery room. Evangelina thinks it’s improper and unnecessary, while Crane tells them about an “artistic couple” whose husband fainted.

Meanwhile, Patsy and Delia are on a date at the local coffee shop. Delia tells Patsy she’s renting an apartment, and she wants them to live together. Patsy is hesitant, but when Delia assures her that women can roommates and no one will care, not even the nuns. That, and the promise of closed doors and privacy sway Patsy. Somebody call the U-Haul.

Marlene comes by Violet’s shop to crap all over the engagement. First, she lays on the whole “You’re not my mom” line, and then makes it seem like her own father is a gold digger with no retirement plan. That’s hitting below the belt, Marlene.

Trixie is giving labor classes when June and her husband show up to join. At first, the other mums are upset that their husbands can’t join, but Kevin soon charms them and they allow him to join in. Fred brings Violet some messed up discount meringues, which doesn’t make her feel any more secure about his money situation.

Patsy tells Sister Julienne that she’s moving in with Delia, and it seems that she might be sharing her big gay secret…only her confession is that she’s never lived on her own and wants to be an adult. Julienne makes her promise to come to lunch and tells her she’ll be missed.

Barbara tends to Maureen, who is so sick she is unable to hold down tea. Her husband is in prison, and there’s no one to care for her or her son. Barbara finds a nursery space for the son, and thinks that relaxing will help her get her bearings.

Violet confronts Fred about what Marlene said, and asks if he has any retirement plans. Fred tells her he wants to A) set up a mushroom farm and B) continue doing something with fireworks. Neither of these options sits well with Violet, and she gives him back his ring and breaks off the engagement.

Meanwhile, Chummy is keeping her mother’s remains in the chapel, because sticking her under the bed is totes disrespectful. MJ tells her that releasing the ashes will bring her closure, but Chummy still has no idea of where to take them. I vote Harrod’s.

Barbara visits Maureen, only to find that she’s collapsed. Dr. Turner diagnoses her with hyperemesis gravidarum, a rare condition that results in constant nausea and dehydration. They admit her into the clinic and place her son with a foster family, as there is no one else to take him.

Trixie visits June and Kevin and brings along Sister Mary Cynthia, who knows some sign language. It’s a false alarm, and we see that June is worried about her child’s hearing ability. She just wants the baby to know that they are loved, and she’s worried about being able to communicate the feeling.

Patsy and Delia go apartment hunting and find a rundown little flat to call home. They make plans to clean and re-paint it, and Patsy lets Delia ride her bicycle with all the supplies on it. Patsy says she’d rather see Delia carrying the supplies like a milk maid, and they make a deal to roleplay the scenario later. Also, Patsy’s hair is in pigtails and it’s fucking cute.

Chummy goes to Fred’s flat, and finds him heartbroken and depressed. She wants him to be happy, especially since he’s bailed on his Nonnatus house work and the boiler’s gone dead. Heartbreak sucks and all, but you’re going to have nun-sicles on your hands if you don’t fix the chimney and the boiler!

Shelagh asks Dr. Turner if there’s some sort of drug they can give Maureen to help her cope with the nausea. He remembers hearing about something new, and sets about getting it.

Over in the love shack, Patsy and Delia have cleaned up their tiny flat and are sharing a picnic on the floor. Delia tells Patsy her grand plans for the flat: she wants modern designs and fresh flowers in the old jug the previous tenants left behind. Mostly, she wants to be able to welcome Patsy home every night. If you’ve ever seen happy lesbians on a TV show, you know this is all going to end horribly.

And it does! The next day Delia is late for work, so she borrows Patsy’s bike. Patsy wraps her scarf around her, and Delia bikes down the street and gets run over by a car. Patsy finds out and calls the hospital, but they won’t give her any information since she isn’t family. God dammit, can’t we just have one nice lesbian couple riding off into the sunset without amnesia/forced marriage to a man/car accidents/murder/leg amputation/burial under Alison DiLaurentis’s gazebo? This is some straight-up bullshit.

Meanwhile, Chummy sits down with Marlene and Fred like she’s Iyanla about to fix some lives. We find out that Marlene is upset about her father leaving their flat, as it was home to all her childhood memories. She tells a sad story about visiting the bomb site where her mum died, only to find it had been bulldozed away. She laments that nothing stays the same in London except for the Thames. Marlene realizes her mistake, and apologizes to Violet and begs her to talk to Fred. The love birds reconcile and the wedding is back on.

Patsy brings flowers to the hospital and meets Delia’s mum, who has come down from Wales. Delia has had head trauma, which resulted in seizures and total amnesia. She doesn’t recognize Patsy or her mum. The doctors don’t know if her memory will ever come back, and Delia will be leaving to live with her parents. Patsy wants to know if she can visit or call, but they don’t have a phone.

And just like that, Patsy’s future plans are stolen away. She takes the flowers home and puts them in the jug and cries as she watches the sun rise. She kisses the keys and drops them in the mailbox. It’s back to Nonnatus house. It’s devastating and horrible and I hate everything.

In less depressing news, Trixie helps June deliver a healthy baby boy. She and Kevin are delighted and in love. Despite the communication challenges, love will always be felt. Trixie runs into Tom on the way back, and they are polite and civil. It’s too painful for Trixie however, and she hits the bottle. In the early morning hours, she calls a crisis hotline to stop drinking, and Sister MC finds her and comforts her. She assures Trixie that she is loved and not alone.

Maureen is prescribed a new miracle drug called thalidomide, and she is reunited with her son. Little does she know, thalidomide will soon be infamous for causing terrible birth defects.

Trixie goes to her first Alcoholics Anonymous, and takes her first step. She recalls her dad’s drinking, and reveals to the group that she loves midwifery because, just for a moment, she gets to be part of someone’s happy family. It is the saddest.

Chummy releases her mum’s ashes into the Thames, while her husband and son watch. The episode ends with Fred and Violet’s wedding reception at Nonnatus house, where there is punch and cake and celebration. Marlene welcomes Violet into the family, and all seems well. I know they are trying to end on an up note, but I’m still so upset about Delia I can’t even get excited about this bullshit.

Call the Midwife has been renewed for Season Five, so we’ll have to wait and see what happens with Patsy and Delia. Let’s just hope no one prescribes any thalidomide.

So, what did you think of the season finale? Hit me up on Twitter (@chelseaprocrast) and share your thoughts and feels.

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