On a night when Kate Winslet took home two shiny new bookends, Tina Fey called out online haters, Sally Hawkins proved that nice girls can finish first and Megan Fox dubbed herself a tranny, the women stole the show from the fellas hands down at the Golden Globes ceremony.
Even though it failed to yield a classic Christine Lahti-in-the-restroom moment, the telecast proved both humorous and heartfelt. So let’s hand out some of our own awards for the highlights, lowlights and were-there-any-lights-on-upstairs-when-she-decided-to-wear-that moments from Sunday’s show.
Most Excited To Not Be Susan Lucci: Kate Winslet
Kate took home both the best actress (Revolutionary Road) and best supporting actress (The Reader) awards after leaving the show empty handed five times before. By her second win of the night, Kate nearly hyperventilated on stage and got away with blanking on, of all people, Angelina Jolie‘s name. How she managed to be both flustered and classy is beyond me. Must be a British thing.
Best Use of the Internet: Tina Fey
Not only did Tina Fey tell her internet critics “You can suck,” while picking up her best actress in a comedy trophy, she mentioned real-life internet critics. Turns out BabsonLacrosse, dianefan and Cougar Letter are all actual posters on the Los Angeles Times entertainment forum The Envelope.
Hey, Tina, we love you here at AfterEllen.com. Come read us instead and we promise only to say nice things. Honest.
Best Guestbian: Sally Hawkins
Sure, she won for her irrepressible performance as Poppy in Happy-Go-Lucky, but most of us discovered her first as Sue in Fingersmith. Look who is the pearl now.
Worst Self Image: Megan Fox
In her E! red-carpet interview, Megan called herself a doppelgänger for Alan Alda, said she was “a tranny,” joked (sort of) that she had starved herself for a month to fit into her dress and then lusted after Salma Hayek‘s breasts. Clearly, the resemblance is stunning.
Most Worthy of Megan Fox’s Lust: Salma Hayek’s breasts
Perhaps Megan has a point after all. Because those are the most amazing boobs.
Most Surprising: Anna Paquin and Colin Farrell
Anna beat out a veteran field to win best dramatic actress for a TV series for her first year on True Blood. So now she gets to add a Golden Globe to her mantel next to that Oscar — somebody upstairs likes her. Colin was surprising not because he won, per se, but because he a) looked nicely groomed and b) gave a charming speech. I guess rehab really does work.
Best Taskmasters: Jennifer Lopez and Ricky Gervais
The audience got shushed repeatedly for talking during the broadcast but none more memorably than Jennifer’s admonishing “Hello, mama talkin’!” and Ricky’s “How rude are you lot?” This is why they should always serve alcohol at award shows.
Worst Prom Hair, Circa 1985: Drew Barrymore
The ’80s called and wants its blue eye shadow back.
Best Upsetting of the Oscar Applecart: Slumdog Millionaire
Take note, Academy, this movie deserves a shot at the little naked golden man. Also, it would mean we’d get to see Freida Pinto on the red carpet again.
Least Happy I’ve Ever Been to See A Woman’s Bra: Renée Zellweger
What? Why? Someone, please, hand Renée a sweater.
So what were your favorite moments? Favorite dresses? Least favorite? Let’s dish — though, seriously, who has a blanket she can throw over Renée?