You may know Samantha and Laura Leigh Abby as the lesbian couple on Bravo’s Newlyweds: The First Year. You may also know them from Sam’s web series, The Curious Cook, or Laura’s articles in Cosmopolitan. A producer and writer living in NYC, Sam and Laura have been married for over a year, and have been together for nearly a decade.
The Abbys have a unique perspective on long-term relationships, because their LTR is on public display. As a couple on reality TV, Sam and Laura are regularly interviewed about each other by strangers, and they know that any conversations can be cut and edited beyond their control. It would take a lot of trust and good communication to expose your relationship to the world on television.
I wanted to ask Sam and Laura about how they keep their marriage strong in such a stressful setting. We chatted about the show, their relationship, and their exciting upcoming projects, including Laura’s book and lesbian bridal website, 2Brides2be.
Davis Park, Fire Island. Kicking off our Labor Day weekend.
A photo posted by Laura Leigh & Sam Abby (@the_abbys) on Aug 29, 2014 at 4:30pm PDT
AfterEllen: Was it a difficult decision to become so public about your relationship?
Sam Abby: There were a lot of conversations before deciding to do the show. Could this hurt anyone? Could this help our careers? We love the ability to speak freely about our relationship as a same sex couple, and we also wanted to show that we are kind of boring, just like everyone else.
Laura Leigh Abby: We asked ourselves, what is the worst-case scenario? And could that ruin our relationship with each other or with our families? The answer was no. You don’t have to be perfect and have your shit figured out to find your partner and get married. No couple is perfect.
AE: Has being on the show affected your marriage?
SA: No. When I’m doing the solo interviews, I think, “Oh I know exactly what Laura is going to say for that question.” There was never a moment I was worried about what she would hear.
LA: Right. The worst things that we could say about each other, we’ve already said.
AE: How has it affected your family?
LA: I think our families were a little more sensitive than we thought they were going to be. We told them, “Hey, this is how TV works, they edit, they change things. Are you on board?” They said, “We’re all good.” But then when they see the show, they ask, “Why did they say that? That isn’t true.”
SA: I’ve worked in reality TV. When we signed on to do this, I knew exactly how this would be created.
AE: What kind of response have you gotten from fans of the show?
SA: We have gotten a really positive response. Occasionally when we are out we get noticed, and we’re never prepared, or we look terrible, but I’m never going to be putting piles of makeup on to go anywhere-it’s not me. We love the fans who watch the show every week and tweet at us.
LA: I wrote an article for (the March issue of) Cosmopolitan about having a wife. I have heard from so many women, people who can relate or who want to share their story. I can’t help myself, I end up writing them back long emails.
AE: What is it like to watch yourselves on TV?
LA: It’s pretty realistic.
SA: I look so much cooler on TV than I am in real life.
AE: What was your goal when you signed up for the show?
LA: I had two goals. As a writer, I am so often pitching essays about my life, and primarily my relationship. This show broadens my audience of people who might be interested. It could also impact people who don’t think they support gay rights and who have never met a lesbian. Maybe they can relate to us and their opinions evolve. My second goal is to get the word out about the launch of my lesbian wedding website, 2Brides2be.
AE: Do you two remember a moment when you knew that you would be together forever?
SA: I don’t have a moment, but a particular time in our lives. In 2008, we moved to New York from LA. I hated New York and I hated my job. We took a break from each other and tried to spend four months apart. We tried not to speak during that time but it didn’t work. It took so much work and trust to fix our relationship-that was when I knew that this was it.
LA: The irony was, by the end of that year, we were like, “We are in this forever.” And then we had the worst year of our lives: Sam’s mom passed away then I got into an accident.
SA: When you go through a hard time and you want that person with you, that’s a good sign, but this relationship has never been easy. This has been the hardest job I’ve ever had.
LA: In our 20s we were selfish. We were lost. We didn’t think life would be so hard. To stick with someone through those years takes a lot.
A photo posted by Laura Leigh & Sam Abby (@the_abbys) on Apr 3, 2015 at 7:09am PDT
AE: You’ve made several visits to a fertility doctor. What has that experience been like?
SA: I was feeling so uneducated and so scared. Even though we weren’t having a baby that day, it felt like it was happening really soon. I’m a planner, I think, we need to have a baby by 30, etc. Hearing everything we have to go through made me realize this is going to be a big project.
LA: Our lesbian friends are like 31, 32, and they’ll say, “We want to have a baby next year.” I’m like, “That’s hilarious. You don’t understand what you need to go through.”
SA: When you don’t have the tools it all becomes medical, all numbers and it sucks—it’s not romantic.
AE: Describe your ideal date.
LA: We are so lazy. We spend a lot of time sitting on our couch. So I like to get dressed up and look nice, have a cocktail somewhere kind of sexy, go to dinner and drink really good wine.
SA: When the weather gets really nice in NY and you have a Saturday or Sunday to yourselves, I love going outside and seeing where the day takes us.
AE: Describe your first date.
SA: I was a nervous wreck.
LA: She brought me a rose and I laughed in her face but I secretly loved it. I was broke in a shitty college apartment, and she took me to a really nice restaurant in the south end. Then we just joined the sorority party.
SA: Everyone hated me.
LA: In that straight girl college world, you get stared at if you touch. No one gets it.
AE: Any fun coupley things you like to do together?
SA: We go to the gym together—she makes me go.
LA: We get our nails done together. It’s nice.
SA: I love going to the spa. I get to go in with Laura. We get to shower together. I get to do all these things that people do with their friends, but with my wife.
AE: Any pet peeves about each other?
SA: She is a slob. She’s not dirty, she’s messy. Three times a year I will help her clean out her closet.
LA: We live in a one-bedroom apartment in NYC and we are two girls-it gets messy.
SA: She thinks it’s weird that I fold my underwear.
LA: I annoy her when she cooks. I think I know how to do everything right, and she doesn’t, so I try to help and she just gets annoyed.
AE: I know from the show that Sam is the planner/worrier. How would you describe Laura?
LA: I’m more go-with-the-flow. We don’t have a lot of free days. Sometimes I’ll say, “Lets walk down to the village and see what happens.” By that afternoon, she’s like, “I made three dinner reservations.”
SA: You have to make reservations in New York or you won’t eat, ever.
AE: How did you come up with the 2Brides2Be idea?
LA: When we were planning our wedding, I would sit there and Google lesbian wedding ideas and pick up bridal magazines. It was too much work to find lesbian weddings, brides with whom I could relate, and I thought, why can’t we be front and center? The site is going to showcase real weddings, real engagements, real stories. We are looking for submissions from lesbian couples. I cannot wait to feature their beautiful love stories.
A photo posted by Laura Leigh & Sam Abby (@the_abbys) on Apr 28, 2015 at 10:22am PDT
AE: What is your involvement with Family Equality Council?
LA: We just did an event with them, Family Equality Day, on May 3rd. We performed “Tubby the Tuba” with the Lesbian & Gay Big Apple Corps. It was a blast. If you check out our Youtube page you can see more about the event.
SA: We are also interested in the LGBT youth organizations. We went through it, we know what it’s like, and we would love to get involved in groups like that.
AE: Laura, tell me about your book.
LA: It’s going to be through Amazon’s kindle singles, which features longform writing. I’m working with an editor there who approached me right before our wedding and said he had read some of my work and asked me to work on a memoir about my relationship and the journey from sorority through marriage.
AE: Who are your favorite authors?
LA: I’m a big Cheryl Strayed fan right now. She is just so now in terms of her approachability, and she’s so relatable. I love Tiny Beautiful Things. She can write about subjects that I don’t necessarily relate to, yet somehow still really speak to me. I love Joan Didion, and Lucy Grealy‘s memoir has really shaped my approach to writing these past few years. I’ve been reading some powerful writing by women like Tiphanie Yanique and Alexandra Fuller-but I will tell you, I’m a big fan of Erik Larson and the poet Michael Ryan.
AE: Where else can we read your writing or connect with you?
LA: You can check out my portfolio. I have another piece coming out in the June issue of Cosmopolitan. The 2Brides2be website is coming soon so check out the submission page. We are looking for first-person essays, weddings, engagements and honeymoons. You can contact us for submission info at [email protected].
You can follow the Abbys on twitter at @mrssamabby @lauraleighabby and on Instagram at @the_abbys. We also have a Facebook page. Tune into Bravo on Tuesday May 12 to see them on the season finale of Newlyweds: The First Year.
