In this episode, we learn that Josh can do anything—he can even play a washboard. Liza treats Maggie and Kelsey to a night out where they watch Josh play in a band. Liza’s sure come a long way since losing her V-card at a Nirvana concert, but I seriously doubt Josh and his boy band are going to break into a washboard rendition of “All Apologies.”
In fact, apologies are exactly what Liza’s going to need to make when Josh discovers she’s been lying all along. Liza’s daughter calls her the next morning, so Liza clamors out of Josh’s bed into his bathroom to talk to her “pumpkin.” Josh hears her endearments and isn’t sure what to think. She writes off the convo as work-related drama, but now Josh has his ears perked up, and the slippery slope Liza’s been riding down just turned into a full on Goonies cave slide. (Josh wouldn’t get that reference, because he doesn’t even know who The Go-Go’s are.)
It must not be Tuesday, because Kelsey and Liza have agreed to lunch with Lauren again. Her top is on (I mean, it could be off—I’m all for shifting the gender paradigm) but her mind is in the gutter, as per usual. The girls are discussing what Lauren did when her parents cut her off financially for a month. She sold her used panties, of course. Kelsey is like, “There’s actually a market for it,” as if the very thought of fetishizing a woman’s personal accoutrements is a surprising, exotic reality. Liza is freaked, but the idea sticks enough for her to give it the old college effort. A mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do. She’s blowing off Josh now to handle more of her “work-related drama,” and by the looks of it, Josh is growing more and more impatient and skeptical of Liza’s true motives.
Maggie will surely know best, right? Liza tells Maggie about her new panty proposition and Maggie takes a trip down memory lane for a moment—back to Lilith Fair ’98 when, as she puts it, “they didn’t call them box seats for nothing.” Oh, oh! I see what you did there—box seats. Well, I do hope the soft sounds of Sarah McLachlan crystallized the moment—also, that I’d been there. LAURYN HILL? LISA LOEB? The lineup that year was killer. I wonder if any panties ever made it onto the Lilith Fair stage.
Kelsey and the Swede are still canoodling—and they’re doing so in public. After a major debacle over what constitutes real Swedish Fish, he tries to put the moves on Kelsey in the office, only to be interrupted by Diana Trout. Can’t imagine what Diana would think if she knew everyone around her is getting laid, even the ones who are already coupled off and supposed to be working hard at their desk.
Anyway, she’s got her sights set higher, on Charles. Liza meets Charles at her second attempt to raise funds for her daughter’s tuition—working as a cocktail girl for a party organizer, complete with a glittery costume and cold hard cash. Only problem is: she spills the night’s drinks all over said party planner and the money goes straight out the door—just like the guy she met earlier in the day at a coffee shop who sniffed her panties and ran before handing her the money. Forget ‘90s rock concerts: Liza’s having an even wilder time in her 40s. Why go back?
Kelsey has another encounter with the Swede, who she tells Liza is “kinky” but the only kink in this outing is the bitter taste of the real Swedish Fish he mouth feeds Kelsey. They’re at a candy shop. He calls her his “girlfriend” and she flashes a big smile and acts like she hates it. But she loves it. Liza receives a big paycheck from Diana—apparently all it takes this week is a little mention of nagging student loans, and Diana’s got her pen out. Of course, with Diana, there’s always another motive at hand—and this surely has to do with another setup. She’ll want to get closer to Charles with the help of Liza in no time.
But Liza doesn’t have time to play matchmaker, or to tell Kelsey she deserves better from the Swede, because she’s got someone in her corner that’s about to walk—Josh. When she meets up with him at the bar, he’s looking less stoked and more pissed than ever. He says he knows about the bathroom phone calls and the weird behavior, and finally Liza gives it all up. No, not about her age, but that she sold her used panties! She shows him all the emails and we see his expression change. He almost looks relieved. (If this were me, and I came clean to my girlfriend about selling my used panties, she would be so much more upset than Josh is.) Why is that?
Either way, Josh makes light of it all, inserting himself into the joke by wondering how much a “slightly-blown out waist band” on his American Apparel boxer briefs would go for. Definitely not 1,800 big ones. He calls her a groupie and heads to the stage to tackle more washboarding. Somewhere in the big city, a man knows the scent of Liza during hot yoga, for free.
What’d you think of this week’s Younger. Tweet me @the_hoff with #MaggieKnowsBest to discuss! p.s. More Maggie please.