This week’s Banana begins abruptly: A sleeping woman is startled awake by a noise in her apartment. She grabs a knife and goes after her potential attacker, but when she sees him in her kitchen it’s clear that they know each other. The woman’s name is Helen and it’s her birthday. She tells the man, Eddie, to give her back her keys, because it is not okay that he lets himself into her place. He deflects and asks if she’ll open the gift. It’s a crappy re-gift—some police DVD that she obviously did not want. Eddie asks her out for birthday drinks, but she tells him she’s got a date. He jokes that he can’t wait to meet the guy, and Helen is definitely not laughing. She collects her keys and sends him on his way.
Helen gets ready for her day. She ignores a call from her parents, checks out birthday well-wishes online, messages with Ross (her date for the evening), and gets a video call from her mom. The video doesn’t connect well, and the audio is shaky, so Helen tells her mom that she’s late for work and she’ll call back later. But, you guys, her family is so adorable.
They made her a banner!!!
Helen makes it to work on time, but sees a server outside giggling on the phone. She taps the window to get her attention, and the server rolls her eyes at the interruption. The server, Grace, says she was talking to her sick grandmother, so Helen tells her to take the day off. On her way out, Grace replies, “Yes, sir.” Grace is fucking terrible, y’all. Helen is in the middle of her shift when Eddie shows up to apologize again for dropping by. She accepts his apology and asks him to leave, but he waits for her and watches her leave the restaurant. Helen meets up with her date, and they are really, really adorable.
Fucking Eddie shows up mid-kiss, claiming that Helen dropped her wallet and he picked it up to return to her. She immediately tells him that it’s not her wallet, but Eddie ignores her, pulls up a chair, and makes himself right at home at their date. Eddie attempts to out Helen as trans to Ross, but Ross already knows. Eddie is pissed and leaves. Ross very sweetly tells Helen that he really likes her, but it seems like something is unfinished with Eddie. He asks her to call him when it’s really over.
After Ross leaves, Helen finds Eddie and unloads all of her anger on him. She accuses him of sneaking into her flat and watching her sleep, potentially even jerking off to her there. She tells him that Ross was a nice man who didn’t need Viagra to take her to bed, unlike Eddie. A couple of guys overhear this and chuckle, and Eddie is pissed off. Helen storms off, telling him she’s sick of being his fetish.
The next morning, Helen wakes up to multiple messages and notifications on her phone. Eddie has uploaded a bunch of very inappropriate photos to a social networking site. The responses range from concerned friend to cold-hearted judgements about her body to one guy who just thinks it’s hilarious. Helen tries to de-tag herself and delete the images, but they are replaced as quickly as she can take them down. All of a sudden, Eddie uploads a sex video of her, which Grace, the terrible woman from work, immediately “likes.” Helen is a wreck.
Fuck you, Eddie.
Helen goes to work, though she feels like everyone around her knows and is laughing at her. When she arrives, her co-worker tells her she’s not on the schedule today, and, also, she’s going to have to tell their boss about the tape. She says that because Helen interacts with the public, it could have a negative impact on business. Grace comes up to Helen and does her best Mean Girls impression—smiling sweetly while telling her that she’s sure no one watched it all the way through, and that Helen looks better than she thought because she expected “scars and shit.”