After Liza nearly pulls her groin while trying out CrossFit with Josh for the first time (it was IDA day, apparently), she learns about the big #SlutPack at the office. Apparently Diana’s former BFF, Annabelle Brancroft (Jane Krakowski) is launching her new book, Shedonism—not to be confused with the all-ladies weekend in Las Vegas (unfortunately). Annabelle is a big fucking deal, and she’s also super high-maintenance. She wants her party just right—just a few live peacocks, and a ton of hot men. The idea behind the book is a little, well, disturbing. It’s about a so-called slut pack girls make to never remarry. (Girls, please never make “slut” packs.) Annabelle wants this launch party to be IT. Diana knows Liza will be the best point-person for the book gathering, so she puts Liza in charge—her “youth culture go-to.” Uh huh.
David (Liza’s ex husband) has something to talk to her about, so Liza drives to Jersey to sit at a diner with him for a sec while he moans about his boat and money and blah blah blah. Liza is a good person, so she doesn’t think David is totally evil, just delusional to ask her for money. She’s not in the mood. Plus, like, c’mon: Doesn’t David know she’s totally saving herself for Luke Perry? (Sorry, this diner is feeling very “skip seventh and eighth and have a calorie fest” a la Clueless) When she tells Maggie all about it, Maggie is pouring a fresh French press, dressed in red and gabbing about someone named Courtney who she discovers is newly single and planning to attend the party. That’s right. When you can’t go to Shedonism, bring Shedonism to you. (Even if it is a soon-to-be best selling book that alters the moral compass and self-confidence levels of women everywhere.)
At the party, the peacocks are crawling on the bars and Lauren’s arrived with her posse—who get in without Liza’s permission and guest list approval. Apparently though, she accidentally kicks out Annabelle’s coke dealer, which is a big no-no for the lady in white. Annabelle is pretty pleased with the party, especially now that Liza’s BF Josh has arrived. She hears he’s a tattoo artist so she wants to see what ink he’s got. When she lifts his shirt and spots his dolphin tat, she’s ecstatic. “Where is that naughty dolphin swimming to?” She spins around before she dashes off with him, and in a tantalizing, breathy drawl says to Liza, “Hellooooo, Flipper!” Uh oh. What’s next?
Maggie spots Courtney and sits down to chat her up. Courtney is a beautiful vision in gold and Maggie’s eyes are lit up with delight. This is a completely awesome moment because of all the bar scenes and parties and art exhibits we’ve seen so far, Maggie is finally getting her kicks. Good looking out, Younger! Courtney is about to excuse herself to the bathroom when Maggie realizes girl’s pregnant. Like—super pregnant, with twins. That’s whatever for Maggie. She’s down for the adventure (she makes a slut pack with herself) and tells Liza she is going to go back to Courtney’s place and go for it, noting how humungous her breasts are.
Suddenly, Annabelle spots her dealer—he’s come back to the party to deliver the goods. As she’s heading his way, she runs smack dab into a glass wall. Everyone sees. Phone’s are out and the tweeting, vining, posting, and hashtagging commences. Annabelle’s launch party has now officially gone viral. Of course Liza freaks, but Lauren reminds her this is solid gold publicity—like, more solid gold than the dress Courtney (Maggie’s crush) is donning in her third trimester. It is so solid that Diana decides to play damage control and arrive to save her former friend. (Apparently they’ve parted ways over the years like classic Banger Sisters.) Does this mean they’re going to hug it out and smoke a joint in the basement? Hope so—as long as the basement has beige interior. Annabelle, even drunk, is still in her right mind. Passed out on an ottoman with blood leaking from her nose as if she’s at Studio 54, Annabelle is stunned to learn Diana’s there, that her underwear is still on, and that she didn’t even get to have any coke. (Me thinks that blood is simply the collection of her double miss with the glass wall.) The irony is begging for Alanis Morissette’s input.
After hailing her a cab, Liza buckles Annabelle in and in a sober flash, Annabelle lowers her voice and warns, “Be careful—your hands are a dead giveaway.” What a sharp little crayon this Annabelle is! As Liza carefully exits the car, so as not to age her hands any further, or stretch her damaged CrossFit groin any worse—she spots Kelsey and the Swede author making face in the corner. (Thad was unable to attend the event, as he has literally lost himself to a Gilmore Girls marathon, forever.) Diana hops in and takes it from here.
The next morning, Josh and Liza are hanging in bed and Josh is laughing about Annabelle’s behavior at the party. He notes that she’s probably in her 40s but acts like she’s in her 20s. He doesn’t get why she can’t just act her age. Liza is, of course, on the defense, but does a masterful job of lying again. She says for some women, it’s a scary moment—turning 40. And anyway, when are we going to get this notion out of our heads that we have to “act” a certain age. We “act” in every single way, every day, as is. I act an entire role out in the grocery store when I don’t want to talk to the man at the cashier checkout who sees me as something I’m not. Perhaps he’s assumed I’m straight and 21, and that I’m smizing at him. I have to throw on my gap cap and remind him through my I.D. and response to, “What’s up tonight?” with “Probably barbecuing with my girlfriend in our backyard.” It’s all such a weird act. But sometimes, as we act, we become ourselves and the semantics of how old we are, who we love, where we work, and how we live fall into the play, because how can we leave out ourselves? Eventually, Liza will have to tell Josh her age. But I see why she continues to hesitate. How can being over 40 define her when her life has become something else? It’s not about being 40 or 26, it’s about being Liza!
Tune in next week for an all new episode of Younger and tweet me @the_hoff #MaggieKnowsBest!