Rewind is a weekly mini-recap following the Syfy broadcast of Lost Girl. Read the full episode recap here.
(Note 1: Hey, I just realized last week the Syfy edit left out the “Eat a sack of tits” line from Tamsin to Lauren. Aw, man. Well, know it was glorious. Know that.)
So Kenzi gets busted out of heaven/Valhalla Buffy style. And just like our favorite vampire slayer, she wakes up in her own grave. But instead of clawing her way out herself, Lauren and Dyson do the clawing for her. Luckily the dirt nap did little to dampen our little Kenzi who is at 100 percent Kenziest Kenzi right out of the coffin. I think the vodka probably helped.
Bo meanwhile ends up on the bottom floor and walks out to find bad lighting and weird goblins. Yeah, I still don’t understand what that was all about either—especially that one random bouquet of flowers. But I guess Tartarus is just wacky like that. Persephone shows up to help Bo out. And I mean that in the Biblical sense. Actually, more like the stone tablet sense since we’re talking Greek mythology. Too bad she is also Bo’s stepmom.
But if you thought the incestuous overtones were weird, shit gets even weirder because Kenzi and Lauren think they have a ghost in the house. Well not think, they know because there’s a ghost writing on glass and getting touchy, feely, sexytimes with Doctor Hotpants. They’re convinced it’s Bo. Lauren is particularly convinced. Ahem. This is either totally hot or rather rapey depending on the ghost’s true identity.
Down in Hell, Bo finally gets a chance to work out her daddy issues. But instead of finding her father she finds her old nursery. Oh, did we mention she was born in Hell? That seems important. Her baby room has a crib, rocking chair, hobby horse, big jack-in-the box and a cage. So just like your nursery, yes? Poor Aife was held against her will by Bo’s papa—Hades. Oh, did we forget to mention Hades is her dad? That seems important. After these huge revelations she steals Persephone’s candle and promises her stepmom she will light it when she gets home. But before she can make it there Hades gets chokey on her. So Hades is lord of the underworld and also a domestic abuser. Cool, cool.
So Lauren and Kenzi raise their ghost, thanks to Trick’s Oiji Board, but it’s not Bo-Bo after all. See, this is why your parents told you to not mess with that occult shit at sleepovers. Now they’re trapped behind a couch while an angry spirit throws shit around. Finally Lauren throws herself at the board and they pitch it into the fireplace. Problem solved, yes?
Just then Stacey, the mean girl of Valkyrie High, arrives to claim a soul to replace Kenzi. But Tamsin swoops in to stop her from taking Lauren. They have a Valkyrie doubt-off and our Tam-Tam wins because of course she does. Our doc also gets Bo’s Magical Vagina Necklace back.
So next, boom, everyone is back and it’s all hunky dory. Yeah, just like that. The gang shares a big dinner like nothing happened. Oh, you were dead? No biggie. You escaped Hell? Good for you. So you had sex with a ghost? How nice. That ghost isn’t dead yet? Bummer. You know, just normal dinner-time conversation. After dinner, Kenzi decides it’s time to say goodbye to the Fae world for a bit. Luckily Hale left her some land off the coast of Spain so that’s convenient. And just like that our Kenziest Kenzi is gone. I’m not crying. It’s allergy season.
So Bo lights that candle like she promised. And some lady who loves all-meat pizzas in an elevator suddenly has it in her hands and there’s a lot of screaming. I know, I didn’t get it either.
BONUS BOOBS O’CLOCK:
CAPTION THIS:
(Note 2: Because it’s hard to get folks to remember to tweet on a Friday night—what do you all have lives or something?—I’m just going to add a Bonus Boobs O’Clock and do Caption This instead of #Faebians tweets.)
READ THE FULL LOST GIRL 5.02 RECAP HERE.
More by Ms. Snarker: @dorothysnarker or dorothysurrenders.com
