This week in faux-lesbian reality TV

I thought I’d seen all forms of lesbian and bisexual exploitation on reality television with shows like A Double Shot at Love. It seems like it wasn’t that long ago that Genesis was explaining what a “lipstick lesbian” was to her roommates on The Real World (Boston was 12 years ago?!).

Today, it’s completely normal for two girls to make out in front of cameras: usually to appeal to a man, and sometimes, maybe, to get a girlfriend (though I still have no idea what Dani Campbell ever saw in Tila Tequila).

But then, vagina shots happened.

That’s right. The incident that will go down in history as “vagina shots” aired Monday night on national television on the Season 3 premiere of Rock of Love. This time it’s on a bus, so it’s totally different from the previous seasons, right?

Two women who were supposedly trying to win over Bret Michaels (cue “Every Rose Has Its Thorn”) must have thought girl-on-girl action was the key to the ’80s rocker’s heart, but they took it about 1,000 steps further with Nikki sticking a shot of booze in Gia’s vag (of course, Gia wasn’t wearing any underwear and just happened to have her knees up on the bar like any classy lady) and drinking it.

Even the other girls seemed shocked. You know you’ve gone too far when you disgust your fellow contestants, including one who claimed, “I’m a centerfold model for Penthouse, and I’m the classiest one here at this point.”

Michaels himself seemed surprised, but that could be the Botox, so who knows. Although, he did eliminate both Nikki and Gia in the end.

And on the other end of the spectrum we have washed-up rapper Coolio (remember “Gangsta’s Paradise,” which was in Dangerous Minds, where Michelle Pfeiffer played the hot innercity teacher?) who thinks most women have had lesbian encounters.

The ex-star is currently on UK’s Celebrity Big Brother, and this past week he mentioned that he believed “75 percent of women have hooked up with other women.” He apparently conducts his own Lesbian Scientistics.

Then, he asked his housemate and former pop singer Michelle Heaton, “Have you ever kissed a girl?” When she said she had not, he pounded his fist on the kitchen table and called her a liar, then went on to interrogate La Toya Jackson, who said she’d kissed girl friends, but “never passionately.”

Luckily for La Toya, Coolio did not specify whether passion was involved in his private study. Nonetheless, I think most of us would appreciate if he studied something else, like the chances his career will be resuscitated from an appearance on UK reality TV.

I bet he never figured he’d be upstaged by vagina shots.

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