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“Gotham” recap (1.20): Pretty (Cat)Woman

This week on Gotham, the writers spun the wheel o’ female characters and landed on Barbara Keane. Welcome back, Barbara! Sorry Fish, despite getting shot last episode, you’re sitting this one out.

We open on the aftermath of Selina killing Reggie. She saves Bruce from being mugged by some thugs, and tells him that she had to kill Reggie to protect them. She accuses Bruce of wanting to kill Reggie, but not having the guts. They decide to go after Bunderslaw, and to do so they’ll need to steal the key to his safe to find evidence of his wrongdoings.

At the GCPD, Nigma is furiously stabbing some watermelons for forensic evidence/fruit salad. A panicked Gordon shows up looking for Lee, who has gone home. As you may remember from last week, the Ogre is still at large, with an M.O. of killing his investigator’s loved ones. Lee is at home taking a bath, when she hears something crash in her apartment. She gets out and grabs a knife, only to find a stray cat. She then smacks the shit out of Gordon, thinking he’s the intruder. The scariest part of this sequence is the fact that Lee has a flip phone.

Gordon tries to get Lee to leave town, but she’s like, “Nope, gonna stay here and do my job. Besides, the last girl you told to leave town ended up in a drunken lesbian spiral, so pass.” Gordon tells Lee he loves her, and she kisses him, but doesn’t say it back. Whomp whomp.

The Ogre meets Barbara in a bar and starts hitting on her. She takes him back to her apartment, and he pulls out his knife, ready to kill her. Barbara then tells him that she is single and loved by no one, so he spares her. She also tells him that he should be scared of her, and he seems intrigued.

Over at Oswald’s, Getrude is drunk and dancing with her son. How awkward would it be to own a night club where the only patron is your mom? Penguin leaves his mom to go talk to Connor, an Irish assassin who he wants to pay to murder Maroni. Good luck with that.

Gordon and Bullock interview the original detective on the Ogre case. They learn that the first victim was a nurse at a private medical clinic, and decide to start there. The Ogre watches them from his car and tails them.

Nigma sees Ms. Kringle talking wife her cop boyfriend Doherty, and notices some bruises on her arm. He’s upset that she’s getting abused, but she tells him to mind his own beeswax. Also, Nigma brought her watermelon in a beautifully carved bowl, which is so ornate it makes me want to date him. I’m a sucker for presentation, y’all.

At Wayne Manor, Bruce is reading up on Bunderslaw and planning his next move. He decides to go to the Wayne Enterprises charity ball with Selina so she can steal the key from him. Alfred wants to know why he’s bringing Selina, and Bruce assures him it’s a crush and not a scheme. Alfred seems pleased that Bruce is doing something remotely normal, so he supports the date.

Bullock and Gordon investigate the clinic, which is a plastic surgery practice. They meet the doctor, who refuses to give them any intel without a warrant. They spot the Ogre’s car, and the Ogre tries to run them both over before driving away. Way to be discreet, buddy.

When they recount the incident to Essen, Gordon gets a phone call from the Ogre telling him to quit the case before someone gets hurt. But nobody threatens Jim Gordon (JK everyone does constantly) so Gordon decides to hold a press conference telling the world about the Ogre. He also kisses Lee in front of everyone before said press conference, because obviously he wants her to get murdered immediately.

It’s time for another installment of The Odd Couple starring Barbara and Selina! Barbara is picking out a dress for the charity ball, when Selina gets a massive delivery from Bruce, who has bought her dresses and shoes for the occasion. It’s just like that scene in Pretty Woman, only Selina is not a prostitute, just a sociopathic teenage murderer. Bruce picks up Selina for their date and she looks pretty and he basically goes through puberty.

Back at the GCPD, the cops get a tip to investigate wealthy socialite Constance Van Groot, and they think that the Ogre might be her son. They rush off to investigate. They walk in to find the butler attempting suicide, and old Miss Van Groot turns out to be a desiccated corpse. It’s a real Norman Bates sitch in there.

Penguin plots his murder of Maroni, but is shocked to find the Don holding court in the club with Gertrude. Come on Maroni, don’t bring the moms into this.

Bruce and Selina dance together at the charity ball, and everyone thinks they are the most adorable thing ever. To be fair, they kind of are. Bruce tells Selina that she can’t just go around murdering people, but Selina shows zero remorse. They spot Bunderslaw and Selina copies his key while Bruce chats him up. These two make a great team, despite the whole “differing on murder” thing.

Gordon and Bullock discover that the Ogre isn’t Jason Van Groot, but Jason Scalimpski, the son of the butler. He murdered Miss Van Groot and stole her money, and his dad has been covering for him this whole time. Gotham City: parenting capital of the world!

Nigma tells Doherty to leave Miss Kringle alone, but Doherty basically calls him a dweeb and tells him to butt out. #TeamNigma.

Barbara is getting her drink on at the charity ball, when the Ogre shows up and asks her to dance. Gordon learns that Van Groot doted on Jason as a child, and pretended he was her son. When he finally confronted her, she laughed in his face and he killed her in revenge. Dad helped him cover it up, and he’s been gone ever since. He also laughs at the suggestion that his son seduces women because he has a major facial deformity. Apparently Jason got facial reconstruction surgery to become the suave monster he is today.

Over at Oswald’s, Maroni finally starts hammering Gertrude about her son, telling her that Penguin isn’t just a club owner, but a killer and a psychopath. Penguin threatens to kill him and goes to console his mom. I don’t see how this is much of a shock to Gertrude…nice guys don’t have bangs like that.

Back at the ball, Barbara and the Ogre continue dancing, and the Ogre admits that he showed up just to see her. He seems to see a kindred spirit in Barbara’s isolation, and tells her that he knows what it’s like to have two identities. OMG is he bisexual too? (I’m bi and I can make these jokes, settle down comments section). He tells her that she doesn’t have to hide anymore, and they retreat to his murder house.

Nigma is spying on Miss Kringle when he sees Doherty show up at her apartment. Nigma tries to warn him off, but Doherty punches him in the gut. Finally, Nigma snaps and stabs the crap out of Doherty, killing him in the street. Is this the birth of the Riddler?

Oswald comforts his mother after the Maroni interaction, and she asks him point blank if he’s a criminal. He assures her he is a good man, and they both cry. A deliveryman shows up with flowers from Maroni, and Oswald smashes the vase and stabs him with the broken glass. He then drags out the body, telling his mother he’s just helping a neighbor take out the garbage.

Gordon gets a sketch of the Ogre from the plastic surgeon, and realizes that he is targeting Barbara. Selina IDs him as the man Barbara left the charity ball with, and rightly notes that the sketch is straight up garbage. We see Barbara in the Ogre’s apartment having a drink and wandering into his torture room. Surprisingly, she doesn’t seem scared. Maybe the Ogre has finally met his match…or maybe Barbara is just really drunk. Either way, I’m rooting for these two crazy kids.

So, what do you think of the return of Barbara? Hit me up @chelseaprocrast and tell me all about it!

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