“Orphan Black” recap (3.01): Wicked Sister

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WELCOME BACK, CLONESBIANS! It’s my favorite time of year, Orphan Black time! And like last year, I went into this season with this tiny nugget of fear; how could it possibly get better? But once again, my fear dissipated within the first 30 seconds. The first episode was full of all the things we love most about this show. It felt like coming home. And, as usual, they crammed a LOT of information and action into 42 minutes, so let’s get started, yeah?

Previously on Orphan Black…oh man where do I even begin? A grifter named Sarah Manning saw a girl who looked like her kill herself, assumed her identity, and found out that she was part of an illegal cloning experiment. Each clone had a monitor, but only Sarah had a biological child, Kira, who might use more of her brain than the rest of us, since she seems to have a sixth sense and a dash of indestructibility. When we last left each of the clones, Alison and her husband/monitor Donnie buried Leekie’s body and were hell-bent on having a normal suburban life, Helena was impregnated by a Neolutionist and then kidnapped by someone else entirely, Cosima almost died but Kira woke her up and asked her to read a story that ended up being Professor Duncan’s cipher, and Sarah found out that while Project Leda made female clones, Project Castor made male clones.

Phew! On to this week’s episode!

We begin at a baby shower for Helena. She’s super preggo and sitting pretty in a pink dress. Sarah, clad all in leather, plops down next to her and calls her a meathead. Kira flits about in a fairy costume. Alison brings out piles of homemade cupcakes while Felix, dressed like a British schoolboy, cooks ox liver on the grill. Cosima is dressed in traditional Ukrainian garb and is feeling better, because science.

Orphan Black 301-1 Dude. We make family, yes?

Cosima hands Helena a basket of her favorite food and tells her to dig in. (She’s eating for two, after all.) But as soon as Helena shoves some of that bread into her mouth and closes her eyes, the dream shatters and instead of having a basket of food on her pregnant belly with her sestras around her, all she sees is a scorpion climbing on her chest.

It was all Helena’s dream. Her sestras were all the way she imagined them, sort of caricatures of their true selves. And more importantly, they’re all together. With tons of food. I imagine Cosima got the garb because it’s an outfit Helena considers beautiful, and Cosima was probably the first person in Helena’s whole life to call her beautiful.

When Helena wakes up, she finds herself in a box with a real scorpion. But she knows this scorpion, it’s called Pupok (which means ‘belly button’ in Ukrainian), and it gives her a pep talk, telling her she was being tested. Most of us have had imaginary friends or pets…and, of course, Helena’s is a scorpion.

Sarah, Felix and Kira are sitting by the river, enjoying a rare moment of quiet. Felix sends Kira off to play (but stay in sight; they’re not dumb) and Felix warns Sarah not to rest on her laurels just because everything seems fine right now. Sarah says that Marion is going to take care of them, but as if the universe overheard that they were feeling calm and decided to change it, a car speeds up and screeches to a halt not too far from where they are sitting. And out struts Delphine.

Orphan Black 301-2Merde.

Felix channels all of us and says, “God, she looks good.”

Delphine tells Sarah that Castor was a myth until now, and that there are going to be repercussions to Project Castor and Project Leda crossing paths. Delphine also says that Sarah is in danger, because she crossed Rachel, and that they have to stay safe. Sarah retorts by asking, since she cares sooo much, if she’s even talked to her girlfriend yet, but Delphine can’t talk about Cosima right now. She plays Sarah a video to show how they caught the ScarClone in Marion’s basement. In this video, ScarClone is flirting with a face Sarah is all too familiar with.

Orphan Black 301-3 But that GIGGLE is not.

The new clone’s name is Krystal, and her and Scarclone get up close and personal. Sarah gets a little wigged out watching the creep she saw in Marion’s cell making out with someone who looks so much like herself and her sestras, but Delphine says the next part’s important. Because next, another boyclone is spotted slinking up a staircase. Delphine says they caught ScarClone and his brother trying to shove Krystal into the trunk. Luckily, Krystal is alive, but the second boyclone is MIA. Sarah asks what they wanted with her, but ScarClone won’t give them any information, and is now asking to talk to Sarah.

When Sarah is seated before him, ScarClone says she is a legend, that she’s made of the “good stuff.” He says Krystal didn’t know what she was made of, but Sarah says she doesn’t know Krystal. ScarClone knows exactly which of her sestras she has met, and even says something French to the camera, because he knows who Delphine is and that she’s watching. (And in case you were curious, like I was, he said, “And the rest, as they say at DYAD, is c’est l’histoire.” which just means ‘is history’ so it wasn’t so much what he said that mattered as much as to prove he knew Delphine was there and in charge now.) ScarClone asks Sarah why the ‘wild one’ is working with DYAD, but she only trusts her sisters. He adds that she also seems to trust Felix, and Mrs. Sadler, and of course little Kira.

Orphan Black 301-4 Da fuq did you just say?

Sarah goes, “NOT MY DAUGHTER YOU BITCH” but before she can Avada Kedavra him, Delphine has her pulled out. Before she goes, ScarClone tells her to count her sisters and smiles creepily.

The first thing Sarah does is hop on a Clone Call (like a party line but with all your sestras and brother sestras) to check in. Alison is fine and coaching soccer and far too skilled in the art of macing and murder to fear any boyclones. Felix is with Cosima and Kira and they’re all fine, and in fact Cosima’s temperature is back to normal.

Orphan Black 301-5 But her heart-rate’s a little high because she heard Sarah might be near Delphine.

Cosima tells Felix to tell Sarah that Helena hasn’t come back yet and also is she with Delphine? Has she seen Delphine? Has she talked to Delphine? Remember her, Delphine? Felix only passes on the first half of the message and Sarah asks Felix to meet her at Mrs. S’s house.

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