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“Newlyweds: The First Year” recap (2.6): Family Secrets

One thing is for sure: when it comes to Sam & Laura, this week’s episode of Newlyweds: The First Year is far from boring. The couple gets into some deep talks, some almost-fights, and winds up at a strip club, so there was hardly a dull moment.

We kick off with a trip for Sam and Laura to Los Angeles. They are returning to L.A., where they lived six years ago, for Laura’s birthday. It seems like Laura is really only a fan of the good weather (reminiscing about the pool they used to have and their barbeques), while Sam feels like L.A. is really “her town.”

The two sit in the car, on the long ride from the airport, talking a bout how their relationship changed when they moved from West Coast to East. In L.A., apparently, Sam was very focused on her career and networking, and maybe was less sensitive to Laura’s feelings. Once Laura announced she was moving to NYC, Sam had to decide-continue my job at CAA or pack it all up for the one I love? She chose the latter, and is happy she did, although she does have some regrets. It is interesting to hear that these two ever had a rocky patch, because they seem like they’ve always been super in love.

Some memories from their old L.A. life:

Sam and Laura kick off Laura’s birthday celebration with a brunch with two of their friends, who are also adorable lesbians.

Laura starts to get rowdy and keeps ordering more bottles of wine, but Sam seems overwhelmed. Sam points out that they are very different. Laura likes to drink and be with friends, while she would rather be reading Variety, watching TV or at work/on set.

If Sam felt uncomfortable at brunch, she is about to get a whole lot more of Laura’s “party personality” thrown in her face, because Laura suggests a strip club for their post-brunch activity. Sam looks horrified and says she doesn’t get turned on by strippers. But it’s Laura’s birthday! We all have to make compromises.

At the strip club, we get to watch a bunch of ladies with blurred out private parts dancing on a pole and grinding in front of the group of lesbians. The strippers are clearly only paying attention to these women because the camera crews told them to. I’ve been to strip clubs in L.A. and they don’t even throw lesbians a bone. They ignore you and go rub their butts on a man’s face. I don’t know why. Do they think we don’t have any money? Or that we aren’t as desperate to spend it to see their butt? Oh, well those things are both probably true.

For Laura’s birthday, she gets a lap dance from a very outgoing stripper who, at first, just asks if she can “hang out” with the group. But I mean, you might as well do a lap dance while you hang. Laura seems pretty into it and manages to make the whole experience look sexy, which I would be way too awkward to pull off.

Sam cowers in horror and says “I’m beside myself right now.” She really hates strip clubs, guys. What happens next was really shocking: Laura gets a birthday cake delivered to her with a vagina on it. I’m not shocked about the cake having a vagina-I’m shocked that this group of friends is about to eat food in a club that is literally covered in bodily juices. Whatever, it’s her birthday.

They stick their fingers in the cake’s vagina and joke around and feed it to each other. Ah, to be carefree, 30-year-old lesbians. The show finds a quick moment to ask Sam and Laura about their sex life, and inserts it totally randomly during the lap dance scene. Well I guess because we are all supposed to be wondering-do they have sex? Why is Laura so desperate to feel a woman’s butt?

Laura confesses that they have ebbs and flows and that being two women is hard because sometimes women don’t want to have sex. Sometimes, you have to give each other a nudge. Making her watch you get a dance from a naked stranger will probably do the trick. Winky face.

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