“Weird Loners” recap (1.3): Pay the Toll

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Come on, Weird Loners. It’s only the third episode of the series, but Zara is still getting the short end of the narrative stick. Despite this, the show is growing on me, with its quick wit and an appearance by out writer/comedian Rebecca Drysdale.

We open with Stosh breaking into the girls’ apartment and stealing their groceries. He’s bagging the produce in his own grocery bags while Caryn is deep in the throes of a questionable plantation fantasy starring Idris Elba and missing piece of matzoh. Zara come in and wakes her up, and Stosh pretends he just bought the groceries and is making everyone dinner! I know this is technically stealing, but I would be PSYCHED if someone broke into my apartment and cooked my food for me.

we1I hope you ladies like Hamburger Helper!

Over dinner, Stosh tells everyone about a promising job interview, while the girls marvel over how Stosh always knows their favorite ingredients. Stosh gets a call from his head hunter, who tells him that he’s un-hirable. Not only is he broke, but he owes a grand to a bookie named Tulip who is more than happy to collect his kidney as payment.

we2 Gotta love a gangster that uses emojis

Eric sits Stosh down and tells him that he’s recovered from his dad’s death, and he thinks it’s time for Stosh to move out. Having nowhere else to go, Stosh convinces Eric to let him stay and encourages him to make friends with his co-workers. He borrows Eric’s money with the promise of buying them a nice big TV to watch the Mets game on. Eric will invite his co-workers over to watch the game and boom, friendship.

we3Yankees? I’m not familiar.

Caryn and Zara are cleaning up the apartment, when they realize that Stosh has been stealing their food. Zara also thinks that Caryn is getting played by her therapist, but Cary assures her she’s legit—I mean, she’s Hilary Duff’s therapist!

we4She’s SO much more helpful than Lindsay Lohan’s therapist, let me tell you…

Of course, Stosh pays back Tulip with the money and buys a knock-off television from some guy named Schmuli. Eric invites his co-workers to watch the game on his new TV, and they communicate to each other by shouting across the toll booth lanes. This leads to a funny game of telephone, where everyone mishears each other. Eric either got as big TV, cured VD, or got scurvy. The co-workers, including boss Kent (UCB’s Matt Besser) show up in their glow-in-the-dark traffic vests. Drysale, aka Miranda the toll booth worker, flirts with Eric and slaps him on the ass. Get some, girl.

we5Hey bro, ever make it with a time traveling lesbian?

Caryn comes home to find Zara digging up dirt on Stosh. Zara has found out that he is broke, homeless, and blackballed from the dental supplies business. Apparently she got all that info from www.amidatingadouchebag.com (which is a working link that takes you to a douchebag quiz). The girls decide to tell Eric the truth about his cousin.

we6So this is what feminist porn looks like?

The game is just about to start when the cheap TV blows out. Eric tries to fix it, which causes a blackout in the building. Luckily everyone is wearing their safety vests. Everyone is disappointed in Eric and they storm out. Miranda slaps him in the face and tells him she was in love with him. Whomp whomp.

we7 Blacklight party!

Stosh comes home to find the girls on his couch and Eric upstairs. Eric tells Stosh to come clean, and he admits that he had nowhere else to go. He tells Stosh to move out and leave him alone. Later, Eric puts on a sock puppet show for the neighborhood children, which ends with one sock puppet drowning the other in a tub of water. The girls watch the vicious puppet murder and realize that they have to do something.

we8Puppet-on-puppet crime scene

Caryn shows up at a girl’s apartment looking for Stosh, who is posing as her fiancée. Stosh lies and tells her Caryn is his French tutor. Stosh and Caryn argue about his shamelessness, and Caryn tells Stosh that her therapist thinks he’s got walls up. What follows is probably my favorite scene of the series so far: Caryn goes back and forth with her therapist and Stosh, who receives therapy by proxy. First he steals her groceries, now he steals thousands of dollars worth of therapy.

we9Why don’t they put Renee Montoya in more episodes? It’s not fair!

The gang drives through Eric’s toll booth so Stosh and apologize, but they end up having to circle around twice before the toll gets too expensive and Zara kicks Stosh out of the car. Stosh squeezes himself into Eric’s booth and gives him a heartfelt apology. They hug, and we get another round of telephone from the toll workers.

we10 I know buddy, I’m disappointed in Gotham, too

What are your thoughts on Weird Loners? Let me know @chelseaprocrast

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