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“The Walking Dead” recap (5.16): Conquer

The 90-minute finale is upon us. And, like so many finales of The Walking Dead past, this one will culminate like fire. How safe are these walls after all? In the end, will it be the bad stuff on the outside or the bad stuff on the inside that wakes everyone up? We know how finales go. Someone we love is going to die tonight. Either that, or the episode will do the greatest job of making us believe it. You’ve heard it here first: Mega spoilers ahead if you haven’t caught the last episode of Season 5 yet!

Morgan (Lennie James) has been a character hot on Rick’s tail for seasons. Of course, we know Morgan from Season 1 when he first met Rick and they remained buddies over walkie-talkie. At first, Morgan was, as Lennie put it in AMC’s Talking Dead after tonight’s show, “totally and utterly cray cray.” But the character has undergone a fundamental change and by the time he’s camped out on the outskirts of Alexandria, he’s no longer a sheep in wolves clothing. Speaking of wolves…

There’s an answer, finally, to the infamous ‘W’s we’ve seen carved across walkers’ foreheads like they’re all part of the Manson family. A living ‘W’ dude happens onto Morgan’s campsite, armed, and sits down for a chat. Morgan seems calm, confident and far from the intimating guy he appeared to be, like, two seasons back. Another guy emerges from the brush, but in no time, Morgan defeats them, discovering the gun this guy was armed with wasn’t loaded. He leaves them atop each other in a car. These guys with the ‘W’s are bad for business. I was way more interested in Morgan’s Cup-O-Noodles, or whatever, than the speech dude gave about “wolves turning into men.” The organized post-world groups that form are really a cliché waste of time. You dudes aren’t really wolves. But those walkers are actually, literally zombies.

But, everything is returned. Right? You can be anything you want to be in this new world. You can be Daryl: badass, motorcycle hero, leather king. He and Aaron are tracking someone. It’s a guy in a red poncho: We’ll call him Little Red Poncho. This isn’t a rainy day in lines at Disney World, so I’m not sure why the gear.

Rick wakes up in room, tiny white Band-Aids all over his face. (A little while later we see Pete in a similar state-I had no idea they got into a catfight.) Meow. Michonne takes this as opportunity to set Rick straight. She says Pete has been put in another house.

“We had to stop being out there,” she says. Then Carol, Glenn and Abraham walk in and ask where he got the gun anyway. He says he screwed up, but that he’s prepared to slit their throats-explaining how each of them could take them out, if need be. They explain Deanna has a meeting scheduled for tonight for the whole town. Carol tells him how to handle the meeting: “Tell them the story they wanna hear, that’s what I’ve been doing since I got here. These people are children and children like stories.” Carol’s painful complex with children has been a huge arc these past few seasons-ever since the death of Sophia. Her weird shit with Sam, Jessie and Pete’s kid might not make total sense, but behind all these cookies and casseroles is a woman who can take charge in her cardigan in a way she couldn’t a decade ago. She knows where her boundaries are and how to get beyond them in a flash, without remorse or hesitation. She has found every possible means to blend in, and her guts and glory are credited out there in the forest, not in here at a towns meeting in Alexandria. The loss that Deanna believes she’s felt in here is no match for the level of loss the group has felt out there.

“Here we are,” Rick says, defeated. And if tonight’s going to be anything other than bloody, Rick Grimes needs his beauty rest. We see Maggie eyeing Fr. Gabriel with hate burning a hole in his head. She’s at Deanna and Reg’s front porch now to find out what she can about this so-called meeting. Maggie defends Rick, but sees that Deanna is leaning toward kicking him out. Maggie runs off, but Reg runs after her. I like Reg-I want to believe he’s a good guy, like Hershel. He tells her a story about cavemen and civilization, “When we stop running and live together,” he says-civilization can happen in peace. Maggie smiles at him, perhaps grateful for his neutrality and sensitivity. Can he hug her now? I need these people to hug.

Sasha is taking walkers to a dumpsite. She gazes over the dead and feels dead herself so she lays down on top of the heap of walkers and the air is silent, the world is calm, as above, so below. What is she up to? Girl’s either beyond her breaking point, or she’s just upon it.

Daryl asks about the people sent away. Aaron mentions three people, two men and a woman. Are these the exiles who created/joined the so-called Wolf Pack? They lose Little Red Poncho but they find a food warehouse, and Aaron says they should check out. It’s a bad situation. There are walkers everywhere, unloading off of trucks by the butt load, which we eventually notice look like full-on booby traps. They’re surrounded now. Daryl and Aaron hide out in a car. They look for something to conceal them, but all they find is a crumpled up sheet of paper that says: “Don’t hide here.” Oh, great. Daryl lights a cigarette. This means one of two things in Daryl code: either shit’s about to hit the fan hard and these two may not make it out alive, so it’s time to get the nerves in check-or, just like Will Smith in the final scene of Independence Day, time to light one up, and blow these aliens to smithereens. Well-zombies. Just as Daryl and Aaron motion to open the doors-the move they’ll do together, because Aaron says they’re in it together (because they’re new bros) something happens. MORGAN IS HERE and he’s helping kill the walkers to forge a path out of the loading dock. When they get to safe place, Morgan hands Daryl a map, asking him if he can help him find an area he’s looking for. Some writing on the map alludes to Rick and Daryl makes the connection, perhaps after hearing Rick talk about Morgan from the early days. Maybe this moment goes back to the idea that Daryl is a good reader of people now. Morgan says, “All life is precious.”

Now it’s Carol’s turn to talk to Rick. There’s a bit of a tribe with Rick-he’s got Michonne, and he’s got Carol-two girls who are also Daryl’s girls. But he also has Glenn-who I fear is being haunted by the death of Noah and the unfinished biz he’s got with Nicolas. Carol hands Rick a secret gun that no one else knows about. As he strolls through the town, he spots a few guys who could jump him if they want to, but the tension is not yet thick enough to be cause for concern. Deanna gives Rick the stink eye as he walks by her porch. Maggie finds Glenn and tells him about the fail with Deanna and Reg, worried that this whole thing is about to go up in flames. She wants to try to fix this; she’s not ready to give up yet. Glenn doesn’t have the heart to tell Maggie that her efforts might be fruitless and this might go south, especially since he knows he has to fight Nicolas and wipe his hands clean of this mess once and for all. He doesn’t know what Deanna knows. He doesn’t care. Fuck what Deanna knows: It’s time to remember what the real world is like, the real world, not the nightmare-it’s survive, or be the walking dead. Which is it going to be? Glenn says, “I love you,” which freaks my shit out because every time Gleggie (that’s a shipper, right?) says, “I love you” we have to expect they may not reunite. Holding my breath for the next 60 minutes.

Rick reunites with Carl for a brief moment. “You’re staying home,” Rick says sternly, when Carl inquires about the town meeting tonight. It’d be nice if this could be home. But how can it feel like home right now? Softness breaks on Rick’s face. There’s no way of knowing if he’ll kill everyone and cause this whole town to turn into the a flashback a la the Governor, or if talk can do some good.

WHERE IS TARA? And does Pete’s exile from Jessie’s house mean he’s no longer tending to her? Carol goes to Pete’s and insists he checks on Tara. She says she could kill him right now, pulling out a knife from her casserole oven mitt. “Come at me,” she says calmly. He trembles, holding his breath, towering over her. “No?” “Yeah?” She taunts. She tells him he has a chance. She tells him he’s a “small, weak nothing.” She stiffs him with the casserole and says she wants her dish back clean when he’s done. Ah, to be a fly on the wall in Carol’s kitchen as she faintly smiles while making a casserole. She’ll kill you with kindness and breadcrumbs. Pete drops the casserole after she leaves and begins throws a fit, screaming, “This isn’t my house! This isn’t my house!” Ugh, these people should’ve been stranded at a mall-the mannequin window displays aren’t porches, but the need for material comforts are on permanent sale.

Out in the woods, Glenn is tracking Nicolas. It seems he’s been sloppily lured out there. Nicolas emerges and immediately shoots Glenn, clipping him with a bullet in the shoulder. Glenn screams out. As fast as Nicolas runs over to where he fell, Glenn is off like a bullet. Run, Glen, run! This is not good.

Rick visits Jessie-who is much less flirty and smiley with him than she usually is. She tells him sternly that people shouldn’t see them talking. OK. THIS ISN’T AVONLEA, Jessie. The townspeople scoffing at this uncouth encounter is not your biggest prob. As Rick walks away, Jessie’s like, “You were right.” Pete watches this happen from his timeout house. He is obviously out for blood and all signs point to a really ugly town meeting.

Fr. Gabriel, dressed in white, walks out of Alexandria without a weapon and happens upon a walker. Gabriel is creepily whistling. What is he doing? He holds out his arms. He says he’s ready. The walker comes at him. Commercial break. Fr. Gabriel kills the walker. AND HIS WHITE SHIRT DOESN’T EVEN GET BLOOD ON IT. He weeps and collapses. Zombie guts don’t touch the holy. As he walks back into the gates of Alexandria, he does the weakest ass job of closing the gate and it remains open. Must be totally arm-weak from taking out a zombie for the first time.

Abraham shows up at the infirmary. It’s Tara! OMG Tara is sleeping. Rosita is watching. Eugene sits by her bedside. Eugene thanks Abraham and apologizes to him. Don’t break my heart-my achy, breaky heart is softly playing from his glazy, sorry eyes. His mullet is looking slicker than ever. He says Tara saved his life and put him in check. Abraham is sorry, too. “Utterly and completely unnecessary,” says Eugene with that curt, frank Eugene way of his.

Glenn is still fighting for his life. I repeat: Glenn is still fighting for his life! He’s shot and grunting hard. He’s kicked. He’s down. Nicolas jabs him in the side, jabs at his wound. He punches and punches. A walker comes up hard. She’s on Glenn. She is going to eat his face off. I. Cannot. Handle. This. If anything happens to Glenn, Maggie is going to go into full-on monster mode.

Rick has another talk with Michonne. She asks if Rick if he thinks she’d try stop him. She says when she hit him over the head, that was for him, not them. #Duh. Michonne and Rick stand next to each other in the room, filling up with light and softly sexy piano music. “I don’t need my sword,” Michonne says. “I think we can find a way. If we don’t, I’m still with you,” she says sweetly. Why do I feel like they should maybe kiss? He tries to hand her a gun but she gives it back to him.

Rick has voices going through his head. He sees something outside. WHAT IS IT? WHAT DOES HE SEE? He notices the gate has been left open. Police instinct kicks in. He’s running. He’s looking. The music is picking up pace like we’re suddenly in Halloween. He’s running faster. Fr. Gabriel is at the church; the candles are lit. Sasha is sitting there. She says she came here because she doesn’t know what to do, she’s losing her mind, and she needs his help. He says no. Because he’s the biggest jerk ever. The meeting is beginning. There’s a fire. Deanna says they need to start, but Rick is missing. Glenn is missing. (Oh no, oh no!) Deanna wants to talk, not fight. OK, so far so good.

Nicolas is seen trenching through the woods still. Cut back to Sasha, who says she wants to die. Fr. Gabriel sneers at Sasha and begins to talk shit about Bob, which causes Sasha to go totally bat shit crazy on him. We see now what Rick spotted: IT’S A WALKER. In Alexandria! He’s choking out the walker who’s pinning Rick down, squeezing the un-living nightlights out of it, and it actually lets out a choked sound before its whole face explodes with a bloody goop. Simultaneously, Michonne is talking for Rick. “Who he is is who you’re gonna be,” she says. “If you’re lucky.” Nicolas is still pacing through the woods, but GLENN IS ALIVE and he suddenly emerges, punching Nicolas, pinning him down, holding a gun to his head. Nicolas’s face stretches in fear. Glenn presses the gun harder. And then he doesn’t do anything at all. A few moments later, we see them waddling through the woods, together, helping each other up.

Everyone is talking about Rick on his behalf, unaware of the dangers that lurk nearby with Constable Grimes. Abraham is talking about a vast ocean of shit. “Rick knows every fine grain of sick shit, and then some.”

That’s when we see three people standing at the gates of that food warehouse. They slash the dude in the red poncho, saying, “Welcome home.” Inside, a few moments later, the hoards of walkers are being lured into the trucks by “Love and Mercy” blasting by Brian Wilson. Deanna decides now to spill the beans about Fr. Gabriel’s confession to her about the new group being dangerous. She says what Rick did demonstrated just that.

Sasha is now holding a gun to Gabriel’s head after the tizzy they got into. That’s when Maggie walks in and stops her. Maggie holds Gabriel’s hand and they all sit in a circle, holding hands for a while. Also, now that Rick has slayed a walker in the heart of Alexandria, he’d like to drop it off at the town meeting. It’s not s’mores, but it’s something. “I didn’t bring this in, it was in here,” he says. Someone else announces that Gabriel was in charge of closing the gate.

Everyone is somehow joining hands or finding their own peace in the eye of the storm that brought them not to the brinks of death, but the thresholds of everything Reg talked about-to Noah, to Maggie-“beginning” civilization. Tara’s eyes open!

“We’ll survive, I’ll show you how,” Ricks says, his face bloody again. “Luck runs out,” he says. That’s when Pete shows up, as if summoned at just that moment. “YOU’RE NOT ONE OF US,” he says. Suddenly he slashes Reg and slits his throat. (Just when it seemed the only thing this town meeting was missing was a guillotine,) Reg bleeds out. I can’t help but think of Hershel for a moment-also executed at the throat. Deanna looks up at Rick: “Do it,” she says. He shoots Pete. And as he does, we look up to see Morgan flanked by Daryl and Aaron. Well, hey there old neighbor. Fancy seeing you here at this town meeting-I’m your old pal Rick Grimes. Yes, you just saw me kill a man, it’s been a while. How are ya?

Michonne takes her sword down and puts it around her back. It feels right. She knows it. What do you think she’s up to? Back at the rave taking place at the food warehouse, the Wolf Pack is lurking in the shadows, as they trap more walkers in the trucks. A car is spray painted with “Wolves not far.” Considering these wolves already got their Little Red Poncho checked off the list, it’s possible they’ll huff and puff and blow Alexandria right down.

See you next season, Walking Dead fans! Here’s hoping our girl Tara has a deeper presence next season now that she’s awake from her coma. Here’s hoping Carl and Enid get sexy. Here’s hoping Rick doesn’t have a bloody face for a few weeks. Here’s hoping Nicolas is punished for trying to kill Glenn even though Glenn’s a good guy and didn’t kill him. Dearly departed of Season 5: Beth, Tyreese, Bob, Noah, Buttons the Horse and Reg.

Follow me on Twitter @the_hoff to discuss all the #TeamTara #TWDFinale twists!

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