“The Fosters” recap (2.21): He’s my boyfriend

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Previously on The Fosters, Callie found out that Donald wasn’t her dad after all. Instead she got saddled with an entitled, rich, white dude who just wanted to be her parent regardless of whether she wanted him within one hundred yards of her. Brandon was going to go on tour with Someone’s Little Sister until her remembered that classical music is his first love and decided to give that a go. Again. Jesús joined the wrestling team, dated a crazy girl, got a stupid tattoo, and got recruited to an all-boys school in Colorado. Mariana found her grandparents, made the dance team, quit the dance team, formed her own dance team, staged a walkout to support Spermothy, and joined STEM club with Emma. Next year she is running for president, so watch out. Stef and Lena lost a baby, lost the chance to adopt Callie, and lost the ability to talk to each other and make halfway decent decisions. Lena spent the season bonding with Monty while Stef pulled a Stef every chance she got. Jude continued to be the magical, majestic creature that he is. He and Connor kissed each other square on the mouth before Connor got shot by an overzealous dad. Ana got clean and sober and offered the moms a chance to raise her baby. The mom didn’t exactly jump at the chance but were willing to take the baby because they still haven’t figured out how to say no to Mariana.

We begin this finale in the dream kitchen where Brandon can’t believe that he has to give up his room because a pregnant woman needs a place to sleep. Brandon is probably descended from the innkeeper who was like, “Mary, you may sleep in the barn.” Ana pops in and starts reminiscing about how Mariana always loved attention. Lena’s face is not happy that there is a part of Mariana’s life she missed and now that part is living in her spare room.

Callie stomps off to get ready to spend a court-ordered weekend at the Quinn’s house. Stef reminds her not to mention the fact that she is trying to get emancipated while she’s having cucumber sandwiches at the club. Lena walks in and says that she hates how ugly everything has gotten and Stef growls about how she is only doing what she can to keep Callie under their roof. Stef, stop being you for just a minute and talk to your wife! 

Fosters 2211Litchfield just called. Someone ran over my mom with a prison bus.

Brandon tells Mariana she has to go back to her grandparents and make sure they won’t try to take Ana’s baby now that they know that Stef and Lena want to adopt the little nugget. A custody battle would be a brand new thing for this show.

Robert is telling Callie all about how it will be a low key lunch with his dad and his dad’s wife. Callie’s like, “Sure, everything around here screams low key, especially the dad who made you leave my mom.” She pretends to be surprised to see Sophia when they walk in the house. Sophia apologizes for ruining Callie’s life and Callie hugs her because Callie has been channeling her inner Judicorn or something.

Fosters 2212

Speaking of the unicorn boy, he is in his bathroom when he spots some blue nail polish. Next thing you know, he’s got blue nails and is asking to see Connor in the hospital. Before he gets to Connor’s room, Connor’s dad pops out and tells Jude he doesn’t want him hanging around his son. Jude says, “I’m here to see my friend, and I’m not leaving until I do.” This is the same boy who was sitting in the bathroom trying rub off the blue nail polish only a season and a half ago.

Mariana is laying out her 10 point plan to the grandparents as to why Ana is making the best choice by giving her daughter to Stef and Lena. When they leave, the grandparents aren’t sure if they are okay with another family raising yet another of their grandbabies.

Sophia explains to Callie what a personality disorder is. After she runs through all the criteria from the DSM-V, her grandfather shows up. He fawns over Sophia before looking Callie over like she were something he wiped off the bottom of his shoe.

Fosters 2213What kind of monster reads Pyka fanfic?

Monty and Lena are trying to figure out how to pay for everything at the school if they don’t get the giant grant they applied for. Monty tells Lena that she looks stressed, well as stressed as someone who is otherworldly gorgeous can look. Lena is flattered but I am screaming, “BACK OFF!” Stef moved Ana into their house without consulting Lena first. This sends Monty into a monologue about all the ways her ex-husband was the worst. He was always doing stuff without giving her a say and now that she divorced his ass she feels so much better. Not, that Lena and Stef are in the same boat but if they are Monty would be happy to help Lena through this difficult time. Lady, you need to step away from the gorgeous woman, mmmkay? Lena gets called away to the hospital by Connor’s dad.

Brandon is playing a piece he wrote himself. It’s called “I am the center of the universe.” Mike wants to know what he should have for the lady from Idyllwild. Brandon wanted to try out at Mike’s since he still hasn’t told the moms about the scholarship offer or wanting to ditch the tour to try his luck with classical music again.

Connor’s dad meets Lena in the hall and says Judicorn better be back in the Forbidden Forest by the time he returns from getting a cup of coffee. Lena plops down on the floor next to Jude and starts to tell him about how losing a friend is really hard. Jude stops her. He finally tells the truth about the camping trip. They aren’t just friends, they are something more and now Connor’s dad knows and doesn’t want them near each other any more. 

Fosters 2214But why do they keep sending Paige out of town?

Mariana is busy putting lights on the costumes for the dance competition. She tells Ana that she and Emma are going to be coding the lights to go on and off in time with the performance. Ana can’t believe how smart Mariana is, especially since she didn’t finish high school. Ana’s parents were strict with her and she rebelled by getting into drugs. She’s glad that Mariana is being raised by two awesome moms because being a girl is hard. The doorbell rings and Mariana trundles down the stairs to let Emma in for their make-out coding session. On the way she trips over Jesús skateboard and hurts her ankle. While she and Emma freak out about having to lose the competition because they only have five dancers, The doorbell rings again and it’s the grandparents looking for Ana.

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