“Pretty Little Liars” recap (5.24): LOL & Order

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Words could not express my delight when I saw Parks and Recreation’s very own Perd Hapley covering Ali’s trial. I may have screamed at my television. He is then joined by legal expert Sara Shepard, aka the author and creator of the Pretty Little Liars book series. What’s crazy is that she uses her real name on the show, which means that the creator of the PLL universe is also a character within said universe. Is Sara Shepard A? That would be so freakin’ meta, you guys.

Screen Shot 2015-03-17 at 9.05.18 PMAnd now we rip the space-time continuum with our special guest!

Screen Shot 2015-03-17 at 9.05.36 PMMore like Turd Crapley

After that delightful opening, the prosecution calls a surprise witness: Leslie, the hipster redhead/Mona’s secret BFF. HEY GIRL. The Liars are shocked as shit, and Emily even says, “I knew she was trouble” and NO ONE makes a Taylor Swift joke, that’s how serious this sitch is.

Screen Shot 2015-03-17 at 9.07.03 PMNow I’m lying on the cold hard ground OH!

Leslie takes the stand and waxes poetic about her friendship with Mona. She talks about how Mona had a hard time in high school, what with Ali’s cruelty/cow brains/running academic circles around dummies like Andrew. Mona even sent Leslie a card, telling her that Ali had threatened to feed her to worms if she exposed her fake kidnapping. Leslie then lost the card, only to find it just in time for the trial. Sidebar, what section of Rite-Aid has “I’m being terrorized by high school bitches” cards? Is it next to the Quinceanera cards?

Screen Shot 2015-03-17 at 9.07.10 PMOne finger. Hanna couldn’t even give Mona that. What a pillow princess!

Screen Shot 2015-03-17 at 9.08.45 PMBut Hanna’s topped both of us! She’s lying!

Leslie then tells the court that the Liars were a bunch of straight up creepsters when she came to visit. Hanna wouldn’t leave her alone, and Mike got all pissy about Mona’s favorite books. Spencer can’t take any more of this and storms out of the courtroom to call Caleb. She then runs into Toby in the hallway, and it’s awkward because they haven’t talked in, like, three episodes.

Screen Shot 2015-03-17 at 9.09.44 PMSorry I haven’t been around, the boss has me investigating the local Starbucks

Spencer asks why he didn’t call her when Hanna got arrested, and Toby asks her how the Oxford interview went. Both were not great. Spencer says that Colin the roommate helped her through it, and Toby’s dimpled face gets all sad. Before they can get into it, Emily runs down screaming about barracudas with dollar teeth. I would not put it past this show to unleash actual barracudas on the Liars at this point. I mean, why not? Maybe they swim around the town lake feasting on masks of Melissa Hastings’ face.

Screen Shot 2015-03-17 at 9.09.49 PMThat’s cool, I’ve just been spilling blood all over the great universities of Europe.

The Liars conference call with Hanna and Ali, who are at opposite ends of the prison pay phones. Ali is furious about Leslie, and Hanna is all, “Well, I did follow her into the bathroom.” Ali begs the Liars for help, and Spencer says, “We tried to track down the pizza number” in the most exasperated way. Maybe she’d pay more attention if Tippi the bird was singing it.

Screen Shot 2015-03-17 at 9.12.33 PMAria, Ali said that no one likes you because you’re such a slut

Screen Shot 2015-03-17 at 9.12.23 PM I can’t visit you in jail Ali, I’m sick. Cough cough

Screen Shot 2015-03-17 at 9.12.17 PMBoo you whore!

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