Archive

“Once Upon A Time” recap (4.15): Good girls go bad

Previously on Once Upon A Time, the Queens of Darkness and Gold brought Maleficent back from the dead, Regina and Emma set out to find The Author and get their happy ending, and Mary Margaret started making even worse decisions than usual because she’s afraid someone will find out what she did to make Maleficent lose her child, including asking Regina to go undercover as the Evil Queen.

Regina, taking the role almost too much in stride, puts on her sexiest evil face and stalks over to Granny’s, where she tells the Queens of Darkness she wants to play for their team. She’s had to listen to Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber ramble on about their heroes’ happy ending long enough, she’s ready to be bad. Maleficent says she’ll have to prove that she’s still naughty enough for them and hands her a shot.

Flashback Regina is trashing young Snow White’s trophy room when Rumplestiltskin shows up to taunt her. Regina snaps at him, saying his magic lessons aren’t working fast enough, and that she’s had to resort to self-teaching from Maleficent’s spellbook. He says if she wants to learn from Maleficent so badly she can go ahead and try and poofs her to Maleficent’s burning bush. (Eh hem.)

Present-day Emma storms up to her parents and asks exactly how her girlfriend ended up undercover without anyone warning or consulting her first.

DOES NOT WANT.

David tries to pretend it was Regina’s idea (or maybe he really thinks it was her idea? who knows who’s lying to whom anymore) and Emma demands to know when the next check-in is so she can be there. The problem is, though, that the last check-in was an hour ago but they haven’t heard from Regina yet.

They haven’t heard from her because she’s on the most badass road trip of all time. Regina tries to slyly get information from them, but Maleficent wants to test her first. Cruella drives onto train tracks that appear like a ski lift in Rosewood to play a game villains apparently play in their spare time called “Don’t be a hero,” in which the first person to poof them to safety loses. Regina saves them at the last minute and Cruella is worried Regina has gone soft but really Regina just likes being alive?? But there is plenty of non-suicidal trouble to be had.

Regina’s eyebrow quirk made me gayer.

Meanwhile, Emma is running around in circles, frantically worried about Regina. Mary Margaret and David are worried too, only now second-guessing their decision to send an addict into a crack den, when they find a burnt-out and abandoned cop car by the lake. Regina appears, hurting a bit from the fireballs- of the alcoholic and the magical sort-and says she has nothing to report, but it’s just the first night, and trust isn’t so easily won. Mary Margaret is worried the plan isn’t working but Regina tells her that it’s only been one night, and that Maleficent will come to her in time.

Flashback to a younger Regina tiptoeing into Maleficent’s castle asking for a magic lesson. A disembodied voice tells her to start a fire and Regina makes a fireball and does exactly that. Then a hot mess Maleficent stumbles into sight, looking like she just lost a battle with a crimping iron. They say never meet your heroes. Regina tries to remind her of her true power but Maleficent just gets angry and close in response.

Regina didn’t hate it.

Then she kicks Regina out. On her way home, a man heading to Princess Aurora’s wedding. This turns Regina right around in her tracks. Regina tells Maleficent that her nemesis (or nemesis’s daughter) is getting married but Maleficent is hopped up on sleeping potion and seawater and does not care at all. Regina says they can’t just sit there and let a brand new generation get their happy endings, and the dragon lady asks Regina why she cares about Maleficent’s battles. Regina says if Maleficent can’t get her revenge, what hope does Regina have? Maleficent realizes now that underneath the spunky exterior and pretty face, Regina is holding onto real pain, a pain she knows all too well.

Maleficent tells Regina to just give up on the idea of revenge, and that she couldn’t even fight anyone if she wanted to. She hasn’t been able to turn into a dragon for a good long time. Regina tells her that she is going to help her get her fire back in a way that made me 900% sure they immediately had sex.

Present-day Maleficent gives Regina some aspirin to keep her sharp and admits the Queens of Darkness are also looking for the author.

Don’t worry, you look juuuust fine.

Mal says that Regina needs new allies and new leads, people who understand her. So Mal gives her a task to complete to earn enough trust to get them.

Regina goes to the rendezvous point and is furious to find half of Storybrooke there. She talks only to Emma, giving her the intel she’s gathered so far, including the fact that the trio’s goal goes deeper than finding their own individual happy endings, they want to shift the entire cosmic balance between good and evil. Regina tells Emma that she’s been tasked with stealing something for them, but Emma has heard enough. She can’t go on like this, constantly worried about her lady love, so it’s decided: She’s going undercover, too. She said she was all in on Operation Mongoose, and she’s not backing down.

Regina is waiting for her next instruction when Cruella’s empty car pulls up. She asks where the evil cleavage squad is, but Maleficent appears, saying it’s just the two of them tonight. Like old times. When they used to “make magic” together.

At Granny’s, Hook slides into Belle and Will Scarlet’s booth and tells Belle he needs to talk in private. He tells Belle he thinks the Queens of Darkness are after the Dark One’s dagger, and she immediately worries one of them wants to become the Dark One herself. Hook agrees that would be quite awful and says probably she should just give the dagger to him, since their relationship is a deep and trustworthy one, and he’s not being suspicious at all or anything. Across town, Maleficent leads Regina to Gepetto’s workshop and realizes that Pinocchio is the magic object they’ve been after. Mal says they need to take a…new approach to interrogating the boy, and sends Regina in to puppetnap him.

Flashback Maleficent asks Regina why she keeps talking about stirring fires in her and Regina is like duh have you seen you? Regina tells her there will be so many sparks between them, she’s going to waken Maleficent’s dragon for the first time in years.

She hands Maleficent her horns and tells her to get dressed. They go outside and Maleficent sucks fire from her everlasting flame like Bo sucking chi. Men on horseback approach and Maleficent is delighted to realize it’s King Stefan. She tries to turn into a dragon to burn him like he burned her, but literally, but she can’t do it. He calls her a fool and take both witchy women prisoner.

You jump, I jump, remember?

Regina tucks Pinocchio into the backseat of Cruella’s car and Maleficent says it’s good to have the old Regina back.

Flashback Regina is burning her way out of her cuffs and Maleficent warns her that they’re outnumbered. Regina is like uh I can make literal fireballs WITH MY MIND and they’re a few fat old men I think I’ll be fine. She breaks free and uses one of said fireballs, but she’s never had to do more than one in rapid succession so it takes her a second to recharge. Seeing Regina, this new young spark that has weaseled her way into her heart after such a short amount of time, in danger, Maleficent turns into a dragon to save her.

In present-day Storybrooke, Emma is tracking Regina’s phone and wondering why it’s not working. Struck with a horrible thought, Emma runs outside and finds Regina’s phone abandoned on the ground.

Flashback Aurora is getting ready for her wedding when Maleficent comes in and, after a bit of feisty repartee, puts her under a sleeping curse. No spindles required. Maleficent thanks Regina for inspiring her; she came to be taught but ended up doing the teaching.

In present-day Storybrooke, Belle is about to give Hook the dagger and wonders aloud if Gold is nearby. Hook faces Belle suggests using the dagger to order him to face her but instead of saying something like “reveal thyself!” she repeats his words exactly so nothing happens. She gives Hook the dagger and as soon as he drives away, he turns back into Gold.

“Hook” follows Belle to the pawn shop and tells Belle to pinky promise that she’ll never ever mention this ever again, to anyone, but especially not to him. She promises, and then he starts asking about her new relationship with Will Scarlet. She says she had asked the writers to put her with Ruby but they gave her the wrong red-themed character instead, so she’s just dealing with it for now.

Now, side note, I really, really, really hope that was a fake dagger and that Belle could tell she was being played, and that she’s playing the player. Because I have a feeling the real Hook would have been totally fine with letting the Queens of Darkness control and/or kill Rumple, since he isn’t exactly a big fan. Plus he was asking questions like “So what you really think of Gold?” the way mean girls do when they are making secret three-way phone calls.

Anyway, Flashback Regina after riding Maleficent (okay fine riding on Maleficent’s dragon’s back but probably both), tells Rumpelstiltskin that she’s ready to be taught by him, even if it means she has to be patient and can’t graduate to bending time and space right away. She says she did learn something from Maleficent, that death is too much of a gift to give her enemies; she wants Snow White to suffer. She starts by putting a sleeping curse on Snow’s prize pony.

Present-day Maleficent and her 40’s reporter getup takes Regina into the privacy of Gold’s old cabin and for a second Regina thinks she’s there for sexytimes but then realizes with a start that the magic the Queens of Darkness have been using is the Dark One himself, and that he has been reunited with his dagger.

“We will walk through the fire…”

Regina is faced with two options: Step aside or stand up for Pinocchio. She tells them she hasn’t gone soft and gets out of the way, and Gold turns Pinocchio back into the grown-up August of years past. And now? It’s torture time.

What did you think of “Enter the Dragon”?

Here are some of our favorite #queerytales tweets from this week:

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Back to top button