“Once Upon A Time” recap (4.14): Dracarys

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Previously on Once Upon A Time, Ursula and Cruella came to Storybrooke on a mission lead by Gold to bring Maleficent back, Emma brought Regina a root beer, and Mary Margaret and David had an orgy with the Evil Trio in the woods—or something else that they really, really, really, really, don’t want Emma to find out about.

Mary Margaret wakes up and David is nowhere to be found. Worried, she goes to check on the baby, when Maleficent, Cruella and Ursula appear. Maleficent poofs baby Neal into her arms and starts a villainous but vague soliloquy about what Mary Margaret did to her, and about what she’d do to her family as vengeance.

OUAT 414-1Not a good sign when I’m rooting for the “bad guy.”

At the height of her panic, Mary Margaret wakes up for real, but David still isn’t in the bed beside her. She scrambles out of bed to see if she’s in some endless nightmare loop but this time David is sitting on the stairs. He too can’t stop dwelling on the ominous “what they did” and says they have to get Cruella and Ursula out of Storybrooke before they can spill their not-so-charming secret.

Flash back to the Enchanted Forest, where Snow White and David return to their castle after their honeymoon to find their guards under a sleeping curse. They immediately jump to blame Regina, but the Queens of Darkness turn up to take credit. But they’re not here to fight, they’re here to make a deal.

OUAT 414-2“Wait, why do you suddenly look like the Angelina Jolie version of Maleficent instead of what you looked like in Season 1?”

At present-day Granny’s, Ursula and Cruella are trying to order a drink, but aren’t exactly getting stellar service. It could be because she’s short staffed (Ruuuuuuubyyyyyyy), but also it’s because Granny isn’t shy about hating them. Cruella starts mentally designing a wolfskin coat when Regina walks in. The ask her to use her infamous heart-ripping move to help and start to reminisce about when that was her favorite weekend activity. Regina bristles and sends Henry away, warning them that if they ever bring up her Evil Queen days in front of her son again, she’ll be sure they met the fates their respective Disney movies assigned them, or worse.

Mary Margaret and David run up to Regina, positively tweaking out about Cruella and Ursula, but Regina knows their powers are no match for hers, and when David suggests keeping an eye on them, informs him that sounds like a job for the local law enforcement, not the mayor.

David frantically runs out of the diner and grabs Emma, saying they need to trail the two newcomers. And they do—all the way to Gold’s shop. But they aren’t exactly welcomed there with open arms, either.

OUAT 414-3“I sort of survived a polar bear-ridden deserted island, so WATCH OUT.”

Cruella and Ursula distract Belle with chitchat while one of Ursula’s disturbingly long tentacles slinks into the back room and steals a little wooden box. Cruella texts Gold to say they got what they came for, and Gold tells Maleficent’s cave that it gets great cell reception, and that the dragon will wake before long.

Regina brings Henry some donuts for his Author research and notices that some of the pages in his storybook are different from the rest. He explains that it’s because August added his own story for Emma, and Regina gets a wild gleam in her eye and says maybe Pinocchio can help.

OUAT 414-4The intersection of crazy and beautiful.

Emma and David are on a stakeout and Emma asks him why he’s being so damn jumpy and choosing this singular occasion to not be willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt. He says “WHAT SECRET? I DON’T HAVE A SECRET!” and tries to shift focus back to what Cruella and Ursula were doing in Gold’s shop. They call Belle and find out that a small wooden box, that she had never noticed before and has no idea of what’s inside, is definitely for sure missing. David immediately pulls Cruella over.

OUAT 414-5(I miss Lady Jayne.)

David searches the car and finds enough parking tickets to wallpaper a house and the box in a hidden drawer. Inside is a small glass globe that is just Maleficent’s style. David pockets the globe and tells Emma they’re clean, so Emma says they’ll check the store’s security footage to find out about the box and send the duo on their way.

David immediately runs to Mary Margaret and tells her about the globe, and she too recognizes it as Maleficent-esque. They’re afraid Cruella and Ursula are about to resurrect their old nemesis so they scurry off to make sure her remains have been properly disposed of.

Flashback to the Enchanted Forest, where Maleficent warns Snow White about the dark curse Regina is planning. She tells them they need to go to the Tree of Wisdom that will answer any question but conveniently needs exactly two “valiant heroes” to activate it. David and Snow White don’t exactly trust the wicked women, but don’t see any other option. They set on their way until they get to a bridge whose guards won’t let even the heroes cross.

But Maleficent solves that problem right quick by turning into a dragon and making a bridge guard flambé, much to the Charmings’ chagrin.

In present-day Storybrooke, Emma finds her parents being jumpier and shadier than ever and demands to know if they had been licking any mushrooms lately. They’re all, “We changed our minds, we totally accept Ursula and Cruella into our hearts, hell Cruella is Neal’s Godmother now, gotta go bye.”

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