“Rizzoli and Isles” Subtext Recap (5.16): Put on your finest pizza earings

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Previously on Rizzoli & Isles: Maura cleans out her closet. Frankie has terrible gaydar. Jane admires Maura’s pretty pink pistol.

So this guy driving at night who gets beaten to death after his car breaks down is exactly why I have been a member of AAA since 1997. But while convenient and affordable roadside assistance is important, even more important is the fact that this is now the third episode in a row where the victim (or victims) have been men. How many other crime procedurals can go even two weeks without depicting some violence against women? Not that many, that’s how many.

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Maura is brewing coffee when there’s a knock at the door. Naturally, it’s Jane. This is mildly shocking for two reasons: 1) Jane wasn’t there already, and 2) Jane knocked. But she only knocked because her hands–and mouth–were full because of Maura’s box. Yes, thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week–next week, too, since it’s the two-hour season finale.

Jane plops Maura’s mail down on the counter, then marvels at the stacks and stacks of even more mail she is sorting through. Maura is awash in catalogues for some reason. Mama Rizzoli arrives just in time to gross Jane out with stories about how she and Papa R made out on some island. Yep, when your mother-in-law feels free to tell embarrassing TMI stories in front of you you know you’ve been fully embraced as part of the family.

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Maura opens up her mail to find a beautiful pair of shoes she did not order that also aren’t in her size. They’re from the boutique Chez Katia, which immediately sends Jane into her Pepé Le Pew voice. Our good detective is sure it’s some scam to get Maura to come in to exchange zee shoes and wind up spending more of zee money on zee pretty things at zee shop.

I really hope Jane uses her Le Pew voice when she’s trying to be romantic with Maura. Like, when she pours her lady zee Bordeaux while running zee bath with zee candles lit all around. You know this would totally work on Maura. You just know it.

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Maura’s giggle in agreement says as much, but then she makes her disappointed face when Jane’s phone rings. Zee bath will have to wait. Jane answers “Rizzoli” and for a split-second I think they’ll leave us hanging but then Maura’s phone also rings and she finishes off the requisite simultaneous phone greetings with “Isles” and now it’s officially Murder Solving Time.

Can someone make a supercut of all of their “Rizzoli” and “Isles” tandem phone answering? Pretty please?

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They arrive to find the victim, who should have called AAA, and soon deduce it wasn’t a robbery and his car, now, appears to be working fine. Korsak keeps using 10-cent words like “convivial” and “liaison.” Jane calls him Mr. Holmes, but he doesn’t look anything like either Benedict Cumberbatch or Johnny Lee Miller, so I’m confused. But the big(ish) words are only because the ever-illusive Kiki has told him to expand his vocabulary and cut the cop speak. Jane finds a bloody handkerchief on the ground which may be a clue or planted by Moriarty.

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