“Pretty Little Liars” recap (5.22): Babes, Bars and the Bard

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Something earth-shattering happened last night on Pretty Little Liars. After five seasons of attempted murder, blackmail, and a million texts calling them bitches, one of the Liars is finally telling the police about A. And of course it’s Hanna Marin because the girl has had it up to HERE with this fucking nonsense. It was one thing when A made her eat a box of cupcakes/ran her over with an SUV/arrested her mom for murder/made her dance out her feelings. But now that there’s a prison jumpsuit with her name on it, Hanna is FINALLY taking this bitch down.

Screen Shot 2015-03-03 at 8.39.45 PMI should have hired Elle Woods.

We open in prison, where Ali’s lawyer tell her that, without witnesses or evidence to support her story, her trial is not looking good. The D.A. is offering her a plea bargain, where she would do 10-15 if she rats out a co-conspirator, namely Hanna, who the police are building a case against. Ali doesn’t want to admit to a crime she didn’t commit, but with her lack of defense and history of lying, she’s got little choice.

Screen Shot 2015-03-03 at 8.39.59 PMThere’s been a lot of lies in your testimony.

Screen Shot 2015-03-03 at 8.40.18 PMAnd a lot of love

Screen Shot 2015-03-03 at 8.40.56 PM Mostly lies.

Across the pond in jolly olde England, Melissa finally shows up to see her sister. Or at least, I think it’s Melissa. She’s acting all nice and sisterly and out of character, and it’s creeping me out. Spencer wants to get back to Rosewood, but Melissa tells her that their mom got her an interview at St. Andrews and she has to stay.

Screen Shot 2015-03-03 at 8.42.09 PMSpencer, log out of my Crash Pad account and get your own!

Spencer would rather sleuth and harangue Toby for doing his job, but the allure of a Scottish education is too tempting to give up. Think of the tartans and the cable knit! Melissa says that maybe her relationship with Toby has run its course and that Spencer can have a fresh start and eat all the Pret a Manger sandwiches she wants.

Screen Shot 2015-03-03 at 8.43.48 PMCrayfish and rocket? Big breakfast? I’m so fucking in.

Over at Rosewood High, Emily and Aria talk about Varjack and Cyrus, who is now in the ICU. Emily wants Aria to ask Ezra if he ever came across the name, seeing as he’s been painstakingly documenting their lives since they first started menses. Aria doesn’t want to get into any Ezra awkwardness, so she scurries off to take a history test.

Screen Shot 2015-03-03 at 8.44.04 PMI can’t go home, Talia is still there crying and baking scones.

Screen Shot 2015-03-03 at 8.44.12 PMThose are literally my two favorite things to do/eat.

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