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“The Fosters” recap (2.18): A Kiss to Build a Dream On

Previously on The Fosters, Callie decided that in order to save Brandon, Daphne, and herself from spending years in jail for kidnapping she would go live with Robert. I guess I would choose upper-class privilege jail over actual prison. Lena and Monty told Timothy to pack his books and go after he trolled them with an assignment on the corporate takeover of education. Mariana staged a walkout, Jesús got offered a scholarship to an all-boys, military-style boarding school, and Brandon told Mike about his classical music scholarship. Jude and Connor touched pinkies and created enough happy thoughts to keep all of us flying high, pixie dust be damned.

It’s family meeting time. Stef and Lena are trying to put a positive spin on the news that Callie is going to live with Robert. Mariana calls it bullshit and storms off. Brandon lurks outside Callie’s room and wants to be sure she’s not leaving because of him. She feeds him the same line that she’s tired of fighting and it’s not like she won’t be around all the time. Nothing is really going to change, right? Not sure who you are trying to convince but it’s not working.

Mariana won’t look at Callie and when Callie starts to apologize, Mariana storms into the bathroom and slams the door. Callie’s cell phone rings and it’s Daphne calling to tell Callie that she told the cops about kidnapping Tasha. Now Callie doesn’t have to go live with Robert. Hooray! Oops, I mean that would have been awesome to know like a couple of hours ago before she told the judge she wanted to live at Chez Quinn.

Mariana is sitting in bed, updating some Faberry fanfic, coding, and organizing a protest. Lena tells her to get up, get dressed, and get her butt to school. Mariana isn’t going to to do that. She is pissed that Lena fired her favorite teacher so she and most of the sophomores will not be attending Paily Anchors Academy. Oh and she called the media for Monday. Lena, who looks out-of-this-world gorgeous, can’t believe this shit.

Stef offers Callie something else for breakfast while Brandon wants to know all about Jude’s new girlfriend. “Her name is Taylor, she’s a fellow unicorn, and she’s not my girlfriend.” Brandon tells Lena he isn’t going to school either on account of how all the juniors are bagging out to protest Lena firing Timothy. Lena pulls Stef into the living room and it’s Stef’s turn not to believe this shit. Once those suckers get too big to carry out to the car there isn’t much you can do. Stef offers to arrest them (something she neglected to do all the other times the kids were breaking the law) and promises Lena that the kids will be so bored at home all day they will thrilled to go to school on Monday.

Lena doesn’t believe the kids will be bored with their video games and computers and other gadgets. But then Lena gets an idea, a wonderful, awful idea. She takes all their tech toys, their phones and their routers, she takes their DVR and their wi-fi, and leaves them with landlines and a hi-fi.

Mariana is sure that she has a constitutional right to the internet or to peaceably assemble or something that prevents her mother from taking all her shit. Let me paraphrase the Notorious RBG, “Nopety, nopety, nope.”

On this week’s episode of Felony Talk, Callie and Daphne are talking about kidnapping. Callie says it’s too late, she can’t tell Stef and Lena and besides she already told the judge she wanted to live with Robert. Of course that means it’s written in stone and she would be the first teenager to ever change her mind. Rita comes out to the porch and tells the girls to see who has come to stay. Welcome back, Carmen!

Half of the sophomores and two-thirds of the juniors have called in sick. Monty and Lena walk and talk like they are role playing Ainsley Hayes and Sam Seaborn. Lena doesn’t tell Monty she was wrong for firing Timothy, she just thinks maybe there’s more leeway for being a douchebag insubordination in an atmosphere of higher learning than in a corporation. Monty reminds Lena that this isn’t Harvard and that the kids better be in school on Monday or everyone is getting suspended. Monty is the worst Oprah ever. You get a suspension and you get a suspension!

Connor is making out with Daria right in front of Jude and Taylor and the other six students who showed up for school. Taylor’s like, “If you do a running commentary in your head with David Attenborough’s voice you can make it through this grossness.” Taylor wants to do another group thing but Jude is like “I will be out of town on any and all occasions when I might have to watch this fucking channel.” Connor doesn’t believe Jude is really going camping so Jude shout “I like s’mores, dammit!” and storms off on his Pegasus.

Carmen can’t believe that Callie has to go live with Robert. Same, girl, same. They catch up on the old crew. Gabi saw Kiara working the streets. They basically have to tie Callie to a chair to keep her from throwing on a mask and cape and running after Kiara. Rita tells Callie they are not in the business of chasing after people. If Kiara wants to come back to Girls United she has to make that choice for herself. Callie says Kiara didn’t have a choice but Rita says we always have a choice, even if that choice sucks balls.

Meanwhile, Brandon and Lu are hanging out in Brandon’s room and Lu suggests maybe Brandon should sell the Tony Gwynn autographed baseball his dead grandfather gave him so they can go on tour and have sex all the time. It’s a compelling argument. After the sex, Brandon escorts Lu to the front door and they find Mariana holding her BEAUTIFUL KINDLE up to the sky in hopes she can hack Mr. Nesbitt’s internet.

Is there a more perfect snapshot of these two? Brandon is having sex in his room and Mariana is trying to hack her e-reader so she can check up on the protest. Mariana can’t believe Callie might not be around at Christmas next year and Brandon says they are all going their separate ways soon. They will still be a family when everyone is in college. Mariana will not be pacified.

Jude arrives to pick Lena up to go home. There’s a bonus waiting for him. Connor is going to be spending the night because now that Connor’s dad thinks they are both heterosexual, making out with girls in a tent kind of kids he is happy to call Lena for back-up when his flight gets cancelled. Connor is like, “So, your camping trip was a big lie, eh?”

While Jude, Connor, and Lena scurry on home to order pizza and bake cookies, Brandon shows up to Mike’s with take-out and an ulterior motive. Mike spots the fact that Brandon had sex that day and that he wants to go on tour so he can have unlimited Lu time. Brandon tries to pretend it’s about the music before asking Mike if it would be disrespectful to sell his grandfather’s baseball to finance his sex tour of the lower 48. Mike tells Brandon it’s his baseball and his choice.

Back in the dream kitchen, Mariana says that Monty’s email was “an act of oppression.” Lena wants to back up to the part where Mariana saw anything on the internet without wi-fi or any of her tech toys. Jesús says that Mariana hacked their BEAUTIFUL KINDLES. Stef can’t help but be impressed by her brilliant daughter. Callie calls her a cute Steve Jobs. Lena wants to move on to a different topic of conversation and perhaps to another glass or twelve of wine. Connor is loving every minute of the family dynamic. It’s so nice to have you spend the night, Stef says. The Jesús goes and says maybe Connor and Jude would be more comfortable camping the back yard. You’re a douche, Jesús.

Upstairs the moms are getting ready for bed and chatting. Really, it’s these scenes that make me love this show. Not only do they make my wife giggle (thank you writers for that, she has the best laugh), but they make it clear that the writers know what it’s like to be married and to have kids. Stef is minorly appalled that Connor’s dad is suddenly fine with his son sleeping over now that he thinks Jude is straight. She wonders if Jude does have a crush on Connor and then meanders back to the time she had a crush on her best friend. She was devastated when the friend ended up with a boyfriend. Oh man, who hasn’t been there? Lena calmly rubs on some lotion and wonders why Stef doesn’t think that Connor maybe has a crush on Jude? Well, Stef doesn’t think Connor seems gay. Lena laughs and counters that no one ever thinks she’s gay but Stef is a 50 footer, for sure. Stef threatens to arrest Lena for breaking the law against sexual stereotypes.

Stef leans in for a quick kiss before dissolving into tears. She can’t imagine why Callie wants to leave. It’s breaking her heart to lose her daughter.

Next door, Jude is playing a video game when Connor walks in from the bathroom. Jude is all, “Here’s the thing, every time I try to attack this monster head-on, I die.” Connor sits on the bed, takes the game, and calmly shows Jude the way. “You just have to sit back and wait for him to come to you.”

Stef locks up the house and Callie bounces into the kitchen and says someone saw Kiara on the streets. She doesn’t mention that she went to Girls United when she was supposed to be at home for the day. She wants to go check it out but Stef makes her promise not to. Mariana gives Callie the silent treatment until Callie snaps and says she can’t explain everything that’s going on but it sure would be nice if Mariana would quit making all of this harder for Callie.

Kiara is talking to a guy in a Lotus who can’t drive a manual transmission when Rita comes running up to her. Oh Rita, all that talk about not chasing runaways. Kiara’s pimp starts walking over so Kiara spits in Rita’s face and says she doesn’t do women. Rosie’s face is heartbreaking in this scene. Rita slumps back to her car, defeated but not dead at the hands of giant pimp man.

Connor and Jude are playing catch in the backyard until Connor hums a fastball at Jude’s head. Jude chucks his mitt at Connor and they end up chasing each other around the yard until Connor tackles Jude to the ground. They are so sweet and flirty that it made my heart swell. Holy crap, this is what thirteen year olds look like when they flirt and it’s so refreshing to see it between two boys. Anyway, Connor gets a text from Daria and suggests that he and Jude go over to her house. Jude is all, “Sure, whatever, go, it’s FINE!” Then he storms off.

Jesús doesn’t want to go to boarding school anymore because he can’t leave Mariana. She is losing Callie and she is losing another sister because Stef and Lena aren’t going to adopt Ana’s baby. He think he won’t be able to handle it if he leaves, too. Lena says it’s not his job to look out for his sister. But she and Stef will talk about the boarding school.

Monty pulls her car up beside Lena’s and pretends she didn’t tail her from home. She needs Lena’s help. This being a principal thing is hard and also Lena is gorgeous and Monty is so trying to be the Glen of this show. Tami’s not interested and Coach will kick your ass!

Mariana is home alone when a man shows up to the door. He’s the recruiter from Flintwood and apparently no one told him that Jesús isn’t interested anymore. This is the first that Mariana is hearing about the school and it is shocked to hear Jesús might get an academic scholarship. The dude hands her his business card so they can reschedule and she says “hold up, where is this school?” Colorado.

Lena and Monty are having a friendly walk along the beach, chatting about how to deal with the student protests, and discussing the shitshow Lena has brewing at home over their decision not to adopt Ana’s baby. Lena says they lost a baby not that long ago. Monty had a miscarriage too and she understands not being ready to have another baby. Lena tells Monty that Timothy was their donor and Monty reacts in the perfect way.

Jude is back to playing video games on his bed when Connor comes in and says he told Daria that he was going to hang out with Jude all day. Jude tells him it’s not okay to lead people on and then kicks Connor in the nuts. Well, he kicks him a little harder than he meant to. He doesn’t understand Connor. Connor kissed him in the tent. Connor reached for his hand in the movies. Connor has been flirting with him all day. Jude doesn’t understand. Connor looks more hurt by this than by the shot to the balls. He leans in and kisses Jude. It’s sweet and tentative and exactly as it should be.

This show has given me a lot to think about. It heartens me to see a show with a couple at its core with whom I can identify. I can see my life on the screen every week. I can see the dream of being a married lesbian raising kids on television. I can see the dream I didn’t even dare to consider when I was a teenager. Honestly, I thought the gay stuff on this show would start and end with Stef and Lena. And I was so fine with that. I never dreamed they would add a story like Jude’s and like Connor’s to this show.

I can’t tell you the number of people who have told me that reading about me being a gay lady married to another lady and raising a couple of kids has given them hope that they might have that one day. Those messages are always an unexpected gift and I cherish them. I think it’s so important that this show is creating a space for people to have that dream of a wife and kids and maybe a nice house. Knowing it’s possible gives you space to dream it for yourself.

But Jude and Connor are doing something else, too. For every person who thinks “I’d like to be married or have kids” there are dozens more who don’t want to wait that long. When I was in middle school my only goal was getting the hell out of my small town. I worked my butt off to get into boarding school so I could escape the kids who were awful and small-minded and who called me names to my face and called me worse when they thought I couldn’t hear. When I was in high school all I wanted was to get good enough grades, get recruited, and get myself to college. For some reason I thought once I was in college, maybe just maybe, I could be myself. College was a place where it was OK to be gay.

I thought there was something wrong with me in middle school. I thought I would have to shut down or hide or pretend to be something else because I shouldn’t feel this way about other girls. In high school I wanted to be normal. I wanted to be able to be like my friends instead of being in love with them. I didn’t know better. I didn’t know there was a world where you could hold a girl’s hand in the movie theater. I didn’t know there was a world where your first kiss could be with a girl you couldn’t stop thinking about instead of with the boy who was nice enough. I didn’t know.

Jude and Connor would have changed all of that. Maybe kids still would have called me names. Maybe I still would have felt wrong. But I would have known I wasn’t alone. Jude and Connor make that thirteen year old in my heart feel like she isn’t alone. The world is different from when I was a kid and Jude and Connor just made it even better.

Back in our story, Mariana is sitting in the kitchen telling Jesús that he’s a moron for not telling her about the school. She looked it up (of course she did) and it’s the perfect school for him. She doesn’t want him to leave but she thinks he should go to the school. It’s best for him, even if it sucks for her.

Brandon is selling the ball online. He gets a bid for fifteen hundred bucks and is thrilled until he sees the address. Mike bought the ball. It’s a loan, Mike says, with collateral. Besides, this way Stef won’t murder them both.

Kiara shows up to the foster kid center to talk to Callie. She thinks Rita should stop hassling her because Kiara’s life is a bowl full of cherries right now. Her pimp bought her a diamond necklace and clothes and all kinds of stuff. She feels like she has a family. Callie says, no we’re your family and you are going to turn yourself in and Rita will get back into Girls United. Kiara doesn’t want to leave her stuff behind. She wants some things of her own for once so Callie agrees to go with her to get it. Girls, there are so many bad decisions in the world. Do you have to make all of them? This isn’t bad decision BINGO.

Callie and Kiara walk out of the center and Kiara’s pimp is waiting for her. She called him, he’s not ready to leave. A second later the cavalry roll up. Rita and Stef jump out of their cars and the pimp drives off at the first sight of Stef in uniform. Rita pleads with Kiara to come back. Callie starts to run but Stef stops her and makes her talk. Callie thought that if she told them what she did they wouldn’t want her anymore, so she lied. Maybe if she decided to go it would hurt less than if they said they didn’t want her. Stef hugs her and promises there is nothing she could ever do that would make them not want her. Any parents who need a little help, this is what it means to love your kids unconditionally.

At home, Callie tells Brandon she’s sorry if telling Stef what happened costs him a chance to go on tour. He would give up the tour and just about anything for her to be part of the family. Stef is banging on Robert’s front door like some kind of Imogene Louise Threadgoode. When he opens it she says, “If you ever tell Callie to lie to us, I’ll kill you.” He thinks he’s won, but so did Frank Bennett.

Here are some of our favorite #GaydyBunch tweets from last night’s episode.

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