Gotham continues to creep its way into my cold dark heart, despite the absence of Renee Montoya and Barbara this week. The show has taken a turn for the dark and ludicrous, and I am helplessly drawn to it like a moth to a tacky flame.
We open in the hospital, where Alfred is recovering and Gordon brings Bruce a bagel. Alfred brushes off his stabbing as a “light puncture” and refuses to name Reggie when Gordon asks who did it. Once Gordon leaves, Bruce asks Alfred why he didn’t rat out Reggie, and Alfred says it breaks the bro code. I’m pretty sure the bro code also includes not stabbing your buddy, but whatever. Alfred wants to hunt Reggie down himself and starts pulling out his IVs and wires, but he quickly stumbles because he GOT STABBED IN THE CHEST. Bruce orders him to get back into bed, and Alfred begrudgingly does.
In another hospital bed, Fish wakes up from her de-eyeballing. Dr. Francis Dulmacher watches over her and asks how she feels. He’s very impressed by her chutzpah/insanity and promises they’ll have much to discuss.
He then apologizes for his low eyeball stock and how he couldn’t match hers. Sure enough, Fish looks under her bandages and sees that she now has a blue eye. This is kind of cool, but pales in comparison to all the kicky, feathery eye patches I was hoping for.
Hey, remember when Harvey Dent was on this show? Well, he’s back! Arnold Flass’s murder charges have been dropped, despite all the evidence against him. Commissioner Loeb is behind his release, and with the help of some witness testimony, Flass is going to walk. Even worse, he’s running for president of the policeman’s union.
Gordon goes to chew out Loeb and accuse him of perverting the justice system, but Loeb shows him a videotape of the witness testimony; it’s Bullock, recanting his story. Gordon looks like someone just kicked his dog.
Back at the GCPD, Gordon confronts Bullock about his false testimony, and Bullock tells him that Loeb is blackmailing him. Apparently Loeb has dirt on every cop in the precinct, and in Bullock’s case, it’s the murder of a Mafioso that Bullock was forced to commit at gunpoint. He tells Jim that everyone has a Cobblepot, except most of them stay dead. And most of them probably don’t have such crazy bangs. Gordon tells Bullock that he’s taking down Loeb, which Bullock assures him is a suicide mission. (Gotham drinking game: Every time someone tells Jim Gordon he’s in over his head/on a suicide mission, drink!)
Meanwhile, Nigma tries flirting with Miss Kringle by talking about pheromones in sweat and urine. Sexy. He assumes that since she had nothing in common with Flass, their connection must have been physical. He tries to tell her Flass is a bad man, but she assure him they’ve already broken up. Nigma gets excited at the prospect of a possible date.
Gordon and Harvey meet and formulate a plan on how to take down the commish. Loeb trafficks in secrets and blackmail, and the boys figure that if they can find all the evidence Loeb has against the GCPD, they can cut off his power. They also mention the rumor that Loeb pushed his wife down the stairs and killed her. Dent gets an idea, and moments later they are grilling Griggs, an older cop who used to be Loeb’s partner on the force. Griggs refuses to help at first, but after some pressure he tells them to visit a bookie named Shi Lu.
Over on Spare Parts Island, Fish is strolling arm in arm with Dr. Dulmacher, listening to jazz and watching him tend to one of his patients. Fish wants to work for him and assures him she can keep the basement running smoothly. Dulmacher is interested in the theory of spare parts: how much of yourself has to be replaced before you cease to be you? He tells Fish to prove herself, otherwise she’ll end up like his former manager, who has now been outfitted with lady limbs and boobs. It is upsetting and gross, and I don’t care for it.
Back at a less psychotic hospital, Selina shows up to see Bruce and give him a hug. He tells her that he thinks the board of Wayne Enterprises hired Reggie to steal info, and feels guilty for getting Alfred hurt. She offers to help him find Reggie, but he doesn’t want to endanger anymore people he cares about. She then leaves to steal food from sick people, because this kid is the worst.
Dent and Gordon go to investigate the Chinese bookie, and find a basement full of accountants in short sleeve shirts, ties, and decked out with knives. The accountant army chases them into the street and the boys are rescued by Bullock, who pulls up to save them. The boys complain that Griggs set them up, but Bullock tells them they just need to put some more pressure on the guy. Cut to Bullock holding Grigg’s head out of a moving car and demanding answers. Griggs spills that Loeb and Falcone know where the evidence is hidden, which takes them to their best connection to Falcone: the Penguin.
The cops show up at Oswald’s club, where he is all too happy to help out. They strike a bargain: Penguin will take them to the evidence stash, in exchange for five minutes alone with the evidence and a favor of his choosing from Gordon. Bullock urges Jim not to make the deal, but Jim takes it. It’s time for a road trip!
Fish swans into the prison, still wearing her robe and her turban. There has been some dissent in her absence, but dirty suit guy assures her he’s still on her team. Fish makes them release the guard and takes some prisoners (including dirty suit) up to be harvested. She tells them that she’s still committed and that sacrifices will have to be made, but ultimately she’s on their team. Debatable.
Penguin takes Bullock and Gordon to an old country home where an old married couple live. They are invited in for tea and cake, and tell the guys they’ve been keeping the house for Loeb for many years. The cops tell the couple they are there to upgrade security, and Penguin claims to be an undercover cop, which is pretty hilarious. The old couple pulls a shotgun on the guys and a gunfight ensues. They quickly subdue the older couple and make Penguin keep an eye on them while they go upstairs to investigate.
The cops enter the attic to find a woman dancing and singing and hosting her own tea party. Is there anything more terrifying than a tea party in an attic? The answer is no. The woman is Miriam Loeb, the commissioner’s daughter, who has been locked away, Flowers in the Attic style, for years.
Back at the GCPD, Nigma brings Miss Kringle some flowers and asks her out, but he’s too damn late because she’s already got a hunky new cop boyfriend named Tom. Tom tries to swap some riddles with Nigma, but he is in no fucking mood. Nigma trashes his flowers as he watches Kringle get her ass slapped by Tom. Sad trombone music.
The cops are having a tea party with Miriam, and she tells them that her dad visits every Sunday to play checkers. She shows them her latest hobby: jewelry made from the bones of dead birds. Is Miriam Loeb “A”?! She tells the cops that she captures birds that fly into the attic, kills them with her bare hands, and makes bone necklaces. Bullock is listening to the whole thing and continues to eat the biscuits WHICH SHE HAS LAID OUT WITH HER DEAD BIRD HANDS.
Gordon realizes that she was the one who killed her mother, and Loeb has been keeping her in this attic to protect her and himself. They came to find evidence, but instead they find Loeb’s very own deranged Cobblepot. They go downstairs to see that the couple has knocked down Penguin and driven off. Miriam is enraptured with Penguin’s birdlike appearance and most definitely wants to make jewelry out of him.
Gordon brings the bird jewelry to Loeb; now he has leverage. Loeb tells him that he just wanted to keep his crazy daughter safe, so he offers his resignation. Gordon declines it, as he’d rather have a commish he can control than another one of Falcone’s stooges. He demands a trial for Flass and all the dirt on the cops of Gotham. Loeb refuses, but gives him Bullocks’s file and his endorsement of Gordon for union president.
Gordon gives Bullock his file, freeing him Loeb’s blackmail. Bullock tells him that he thought he could wipe the slate clean with all the good things he’d do as a cop. Despite this, he’s still haunted by the bad things he’s done.
It turns out that Penguin let the old couple escape so he could use them for information. He tells them he’s secured one ticket for Arizona, and they’ll have to choose. The husband protests that they’ve been together for 20 years, but Margie knows the score and beats her husband to death while Penguin laughs. He then thanks her for the favor and shoots her dead as well.
Meanwhile, Fish has secured her promotion with Dr. Dulmacher, who wants to know if they should have salsa classes for the patients. He shows her that he can trust her, because they are on an island in the middle of nowhere.
So, what do we think of salsa on Tuesdays? Tweet me up @chelseaprocrast with your patient activity suggestions!
