“Rizzoli and Isles” Subtext Recap (5.14): Let’s Play Doctor

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Previously on Rizzoli & Isles: Jane survives her jump off the bridge but ends up on the Bad Girlfriend list with Maura for jumping off a bridge in the first place. They give each other presents. And then they merge their bucket lists and make ravioli together like the married couple they are.

It’s a beach day and a young man is trying to convince a young woman to take off her clothes and frolic with him in the waves. Hey, buddy, no means no. Also, come on, in what world would it be warm enough for them to go into the water in Boston in February? The Young Woman shows the Young Man the appropriate finger and now I’m envisioning a world where she becomes friends with Senior Criminalist Susie Chang and she introduces her new friend to the wonders of nude beaches at more appropriate times of the year.

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Anyway, Young Man gets in the water anyway and throws some flotsam from the ocean at her on the beach. Throwing waste at women you hope to woo does not seem like the best romantic strategy, but then perhaps I don’t understand straight mating rituals well enough. The sea junk turns out to be an old shoe. But the old shoe still has an old foot in it. This is why you always, always check your shoes before putting them on.

Jane, Maura and Mama Rizzoli are with Korsak in his new bar. Maura suggests he give the place a theme. Having a “theme” is code for making it into a lesbian bar, in case you’re slow. Korsak contends his theme is “booze.” But Jane concurs and says he should “amp up the fun.” Again, that means making it a lesbian bar. What’s more fun than a room full of gay women all staring longingly at each other, but too chicken to go over and talk to each other? Amirite, ladies?

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Maura suggests bringing in great music and Jane agrees again. After merging their bucket lists these two are so in sync. Korsak tells them he plans to get the jukebox fixed because of its definitive collection of Tiffany songs. Jane and Maura shrug, because they’d prefer it was the definitive collection of Melissa Etheridge songs. So instead they offer other ideas, like different themes each night: Melissa Mondays, Tegan & Sara Tuesdays, Indigo Girls Wednesdays, Brandi Thursdays (Clark and Carlile) and so on.

But, you know, definitely not Josh Groban. Unless you want the bar to always be empty and for the ladies to always have their special booth. Wait, now I’m rethinking this idea. They try to get Mama R in on the lesbian musician bandwagon, but she’s a gloomy gus. Jane tries to get Maura to handle this mother-in-law emergency. But Maura’s all, oh hell no, she’s your mother we do this together. Also, I like how they call each other doctor because you know they’re each other’s luuuuve doctors. Oooh! Up top! Anyone? *high fives self*

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Mama R is down because her job hunt is going nowhere. She says no one wants to hire a woman of a certain age. Maura comes back with some statistics but Jane gives her the throat-clearing “not now” sign. Jane’s right. This is a time for sisterhood and solidarity. How dare The Man not want to hire any woman older than the age of 22? Burn down the patriarchy! Fetch me my axe! I may have gotten carried away thinking about tearing down the master’s house.

But Mama R is just mad because she has had only one job interview for the 37 resumes she sent out. Gotta say, in this job market, that ain’t the worst I’ve heard. Also, who still sends resumes–like in the mail? This could be the problem. Jane and Maura get saved from having to explain monster.com and careerbuilder.com by their synchronized ringing phones. Vince gets one too, which suddenly turns the show into Rizzoli, Isles & Korsak. Eh, I’d still watch that show. He’s basically already the loveable third wheel who keeps asking the central couple when they’re going to finally make it official and tie the knot.

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On the beach, Maura is examining the foot-in-shoe. While this show isn’t quite as bad as Bones in the never-eat-dinner-while-it’s-on department, the hamburgered ankle is fairly unappetizing. Jane calls it a first, but Korsak regales her with stories and reasons finding severed feet in the ocean is perfectly normal. She tells them it’s another reason to hate the ocean. Did we know Jane hates the ocean? Though you can’t argue with her rational for avoiding it: all the drunk guys peeing in it.

On the way out, Jane and Korsak get accosted by a pushy reporter (because there’s no other kind on television) asking her about some serial killer. Wait, did I miss something? Are J.J. and Prentiss going to show up? Can you imagine Dr. Maura Isles interacting with Penelope Garcia? Can someone please write this cross-over fic?

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Back on the case the show is forcing us to pay attention to this week, Maura tells Korsak about the science of running shoes. There’s also some discussion of wear patterns on the soles. Come on, couldn’t she be telling Jane this so they could bicker about needing to go running together more?

But, alas, Jane is looking at severed body parts instead. Nina and Frankie are looking up the serial killer case the reporter mentioned. Seems random severed body parts have been washing up on Northeastern shores in the last 10 years. Plus there are all those body parts washing up in British Columbia. Jane adds this meaty haul of random ears, feet and hands to her list of reasons the ocean is gross. But Nina tells her lakes are much grosser because of their lack of a current. At this rate, the only place Jane will be able to show off her excellent swimming skills are pools. Does Maura have room for a pool in her townhouse?

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