Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. (October 20, 2006)

Friday, October 20, 2006

FUN WITH HEADLINES: "KLINDSAY" EDITION
Lindsay Lohan and Keira KnightleyThere's a new movie in the works written by Keira Knightley's mom about Welsh poet Dylan Thomas, his wife Caitlin (Lindsay Lohan) and their complex relationship with childhood friend Vera Phillips (Knightley) and her eventual husband William Killick. The film, titled The Best Times of Our Lives, leads up to the latter pair opening fire on the Thomas home with a machine gun and a hand grenade.

Why is this lesbian news? Because Lohan told MTV News this week that "(Keira) kind of has a mysterious relationship with my lover, and there's somewhat of a lesbian undertone." Which somehow makes it the lesbian Brokeback Mountain, according to the tabloids and news magazines. Here's a sampling of current headlines on the topic:

"Odd couple for Lesbian Film"
"Keira Knightley's Lesbian Romp with Lindsay Lohan!"
"Lohan, Knightley to Play Lovers. Related: Prayer Works"
"Lindsay Lohan Goes Lesbian For Keira Knightley"
"LINDSAY LOHAN AND KEIRA KNIGHTLEY DYKE OUT!"

So two straight women have a complicated relationship and suddenly it's a lesbian movie? By that criteria, I guess The Devil Wears Prada, The Black Dahlia, The Descent and A Prairie Home Companion are lesbian movies, too. Finally! The lesbian visibility drought is over!

BUT CAN SHE HANDLE HOSTING THE OSCARS?
Just when I think America's Next Top Model can't get any gayer, they find another lesbian "undertone" to bring to the surface. In this week's episode, Michelle came out as "maybe gay" to the other contestants, her mom (via the phone), and America at large, and nobody cared except her twin sister Amanda (and she was only worried about other people judging Michelle, not about Michelle being gay).

But here's the fun part: the model wannabes were assigned to pose as both halves of a celebrity couple (the contestants were photographed as each person separately, then the two shots were photoshopped together), and guess who newly-out Michelle was assigned to portray? Ellen and Portia, naturally, the only same-sex couple in the bunch. And damn if Michelle didn't do a pretty good job–Tyra called her Ellen impersonation "frighteningly" good. Here's the end result:

Michelle on America's Next Top Model as Ellen and Portia

The National Enquirer is reporting that Ellen and Portia are getting married this summer–maybe Michelle could offer her services as a stand-in if Ellen gets cold feet.

In other lesbian reality TV news, out contestant Josie managed to avoid elimination on the first episode of Top Chef this week, despite delivering only mediocre frog leg nuggets with chicken liver peanut butter and eggplant jelly. Silly Josie–everyone knows frog leg nuggets go better with mayo.

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