“The Fosters” recap (2.15): I pinky swear I am up to something good

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Previously on The Fosters, the Adams Fosters went camping, broke rules, learned Hayley is indeed a nutter, spilled a bunch of secrets (Ana is pregnant!, Jesús has a stupid tattoo!) made some s’mores, and treated Jude like a toddler.

Jesús is at the doctor’s with Lena to get rid of that dumbass tattoo. He suggests that maybe he should just get a giant dragon to cover it up. Lena isn’t messing around. The boy is getting that thing removed and she does her best to try not to look pleased that he’s going to suffer for his stupidity.

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The kids give Jesús grief for being the moron until Stef suggests they go around the table and talk about all the dumb shit each one of them has done. Jude grabs some popcorn. Brandon picks this moment to ask if he can go on tour the moms say yes and then Mariana chimes in with a laundry list of all the dumb crap Brandon has done in the past year. Stef says he can go if he agrees to their four hundred conditions.

Brandon tells the band all the conditions. He tells them they have to stay in motels or else the tour is off. Mat laughs and says, “No, bro. That only means you can’t come.” Brandon can’t believe the band he joined several months ago would consider leaving him, and his Mr. Rogers’ camo cardigan, behind. Inconceivable!

The twins are bickering in the bathroom. Jesús can’t believe Mariana narc-ed on him about his tattoo. She can’t believe she had to hear about Ana’s bun in the oven from Hayley. She doesn’t want anything to do with Ana anymore but Jesús asks about the baby. Doesn’t she want to have a relationship with their brother or sister?

Jude clomps down to the kitchen to make a late night pb&j. Callie wants to know why Connor never comes over any more. Jude say they had a fight but he doesn’t want to talk about it. He has some advice for Callie. Maybe she could just pretend to like Robert. Maybe if she plays along he will back off and let her stay with the Adams Fosters. Yeah, because it was playing along that worked so well this far.

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The moms are getting ready for bed and Stef is limbering up for another screw-up. She asks Lena about her day, listens for half a sentence then launches into a monologue (not the vagina kind) about how Mike is stupid for letting Ana live with him and proposes half a dozen ways she can meddle with his life in ways that are entirely inappropriate. Lena speak for us all when she tells Stef to shut up about Mike. Stef tries to recover but Lena’s tired. They mumble half-hearted “I love yous” and go to bed.

Callie is shopping for something for Sophia that says, “I totally still hate your guts for ruining my life but I am sorry you want to kill yourself” and costs less than 20 bucks. It’s a tall order. But, no worries, the shopkeeper has the perfect idea, a pair of hairpins with ponies on them. She notices the bracelet Jude got Callie for Christmas and then remember Callie bought a little toy around the same time. This is some creepy A shenanigans. I don’t trust you, girl with the sturdy glasses.

Ana is bustling around Mike’s kitchen, fetching food for him and chatting about what she wants to name the baby. She’s a regular Mrs. Pattmore. She likes the name Isabella. Mike seems to like it too and offers to drive her to her doctor’s appointment later.

Fosters 2153This is the same look we’re giving you, Stefanie. Stop meddling!

Creepy talker Stef is waiting outside an AA meeting. She scurries up to Mike’s sponsor and begins the meddling. Stef, this is a terrible choice.

In science class, Connor tells Jude he was totally looking for him and Jude’s little face lights up only to be crushed when Connor asks to swap lab partners. Jude’s cool with it. His new lab partner is Taylor. She’s basically the girl equivalent of the Judicorn. I hope she stays forever.

Fosters 2154I’m stealing Wyatt’s look to help me win over Callie.

Emma bounces of to Jesús and asks him how his studying is going. The wrestling coach wants to know but is so scared of Lena he refuses to talk to Jesús himself. Jesús has been spending more time studying since he broke up with Hayley. Emma suggests he get himself a tutor, maybe one who looks an awful lot like “Tutor Girl” from One Tree Hill. Just a suggestion, Foster.

Jude carries his well-balanced lunch out to the sea of picnic tables at lunch time. Daria waves him over and he ponders whether he’s allowed to sit with Connor after their fight and lingering weirdness over what happened in that tent. Daria says they should all go to the movies as a group. Jude balks, he has to ask him moms and maybe check in with Connor on the whole “I don’t want to be friends with a little bitch” thing. You know, the usual details. When Daria and Taylor curry off to talk in the bathroom, Jude tells Connor that he can say his moms won’t let him go. Connor is all “I don’t care if you come, dude.” Jude is surprised that Connor is with Daria since he didn’t know he liked…. girls, or Daria, or whatever makes this all less weird. Connor says Daria is hot and leaves it at that. The boys stare and smile at each other and laugh about how they will be the only dudes at the movie and dammit they are the cutest thing.

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Mat is waiting at Mariana’s locker so they can have lunch together. She has other shit to do like meet with Tia so they can work on their dance for the competition, and later she will be busy coding for her STEM club because she’s super brainy and she has hobbies and interest that she has to nurture because her boyfriend is going on tour for the summer. People leaving is the shape her Boggart turns into so she shouts Riddikulus! at Mat and his lame sandwich and tell them that maybe they should break up.

Outside the precinct Stef hops out of her cruiser and Mike starts yelling about how wrong it was for her to go to his sponsor. She is so over the line that the line is just a dot to her. Stef gets self-righteous about protecting her kids and they scream some more. Stef storms off and Mike calls Ana to say he got waylaid by that woman her boyfriend shot that one time and who thinks Ana is maybe not the best influence. Ana say they can reschedule the appointment, hangs up, and then reveal that Mariana has come for a visit. I’m not sure Mariana understands the meaning of “I’ll never see her again.”

Daphne doesn’t understand why Callie can’t cut Robert a break. He’s just a parent who wants to see his kid. Callie asks Daphne about Tasha and it turns out Daphne has a visit with the little nugget this weekend but is a little worried that Tasha might remember that time when Daphne kidnapped her from the playground.

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