“Episodes” recap (405): Boss-sexual

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Last week, Carol kept her track record intact and slept with her boss, but this time, it wasn’t immediately followed by reproach and ordering He’s Just Not That Into You off of Amazon. This time, her boss is a woman named Helen, and Carol could not be happier. Forget lesbian, forget bisexual: Carol is boss-sexual. Where’s the support group for that?

Come Monday, the president of the network takes time out her busy day to confer with her Director of Programming.

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I’m pretty sure last night’s ratings are not in there.

Later that day, Carol meets with her former boss, Merc. He’s not doing so well since Carol ended their five-year affair, and he was fired from the network. Trying to get back in the game, Merc is discussed his idea for the remake of a hit Dutch competition show about people who sit in boxes. Dutch people are weird.

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And that’s Hollywood for you. One minute you’re putting Shonda Rhimes on hold, the next, you’re pitching a game show you ripped off from Holland.

Carol tells Merc that his list of potential hosts isn’t going to work because Bert Convey is dead, and so is Richard Dawson, and p.s., Guy Smiley is a puppet on Sesame Street.

As she gives him the bum’s rush out of her office, Merc gleefully drops a bombshell. He knows she’s sleeping with Helen, and he did, too. Merc Lapidus— keeping it classy since never.

Merc: Oof, she’s a wild one. With that little swastika down there…

Carol: What?!

Merc: Come on, you know. That little swastika tattoo?

Carol: That’s a flower!

Merc: Oh. It was pretty dark and I hadn’t had my Lasik yet.

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Carol needs this skin-crawling conversation to end immediately, but Merc thinks it’s hot because “it’s sort of like the three of us were together.”

Carol: It’s not like that.

Merc: It’s sort of like that.

Carol: Not even a little.

Merc: Well, tell that to what’s in my head.

Carol: I can’t control the shit in there.

Also inside the head of Merc Lapidus: a Japanese game show hosted by Hello Kitty, sex fantasies about Kate Jackson, and a half-eaten corn beef sandwich.

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