“The Real World: Skeletons” recap (30.8): Twofer

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 Another week, and more skeletons from a cast member’s past are about to move into the house and wreak havoc.

The episode opens with Bruno, Tony, Madison and Violetta munching on dinner and wondering which room in the house has had the most action. They agree that it is Nicole’s. Tony has a revolving door of women coming in and out of his room, and the real player is Nicole? Then why haven’t we seen it? Come on now! MTV, are you holding out on us?

They tease Violetta about not getting any action, and she says that’s not the reason why she joined the cast. Bruno continues to tease Violetta, but it goes sour when he starts making fun of her weight. The comment triggers something in Violetta and she becomes defensive.

Nicole wanders around the house looking for her missing underwear, which she suspects someone is stealing and wearing. Gross, people! She sees Violetta standing on a scale and tells us that Violetta is on a scale all the time and wonders if there’s a problem.

who underwear

Later, Jason tells Nicole and Tony that he saw Violetta throw up in the bathroom, but everyone agrees not to bring it up at this time.

Then Sylvia and Madison notice producers carrying two beds into the house. Sylvia suspects Violetta’s skeletons are arriving and she tells us, “I don’t even know if the house will be left standing.

Sure enough, two women approach the Real World house looking for Violetta. One is her arch-enemy Jessica.

“Her nickname used to be ‘Vio-slutta,’ ’cause she is a huge whore,” says Jessica. What a charmer.

The other woman is Tia, Violetta’s ex-bff. Something happened between them, but we are not sure what it is. I don’t even think Violetta and Tia know what their beef is.

Tia walks in and Violetta freaks out. “Are you fucking kidding me?” she yells and flees.

Then Jessica walks in.

Tony looks her up and down and purrs, “I’m so glad to meet you.”

“There’s a new blonde and Tony’s all over it,” says an annoyed Madison.

While Tony assesses the relationship statuses of Tia and,  most importantly, Jessica, Madison and Sylvia run to see whether Violetta is OK. Violetta is sitting on the curb shaking, and the two try to calm her down.

Inside the house, Jessica tells Tony why she and Violetta are enemies. “She thinks I made a fake Instagram making fun of all her friends.”

“Did you?” asks Tony.

“No, I was away at college. Six hours away,” says Jessica. You mean you can’t get access to the internet once you drive six hours outside of Sarasota?

Meanwhile, Tia says that she’s zen and positive. “I’m always going to be ‘namaste,'” she says. She says “namaste” a few more times, which leads Nicole to believe that she is from another planet. What, Hindi phrases appropriated by the Lululemon set haven’t made it to Staten Island? Sign me up!

camera

Later, Madison tells Tony, “You touch [Jessica] and I will murder you.” Will certain death get in the way of Tony’s libido? Probably not, but first, everyone goes to a burlesque show.

At the show Jason turns to Jessica and remarks, “You look like you belong on Real Housewives of Orange County!”

rhooc

Jessica is floored, telling him that was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to her. She is dead serious. I have no words.

Violetta gets drunk and heckles Bruno on the way back, and it escalates into a screaming match. Then, taking a cue from Teresa Giudice from the Real Housewives of New Jersey, Bruno starts flipping furniture over.

teresa-table-flipBruno, is that you?

Then he calls her an anorexic bitch, among other things, and continues to punch walls and throw inanimate objects.

Meanwhile, Violetta starts screaming at Sylvia, because she is the closest person around and declares she is moving to Jason’s room. Jason objects, because he is eyeing Tia and her curvaceous physique.

“I can’t even cuddle with big booty Judy in this motherfucker!” Jason tells us. I don’t know why he called her Judy, but it certainly has a ring to it.

Violetta and Sylvia are still yelling at each other when they both double over in laughter.

“Fight’s over!” Sylvia declares and they are buddies again.

Violetta admits she has a eating disorder and talks to Tia about it. Tia realizes a few things she said in the past hurt Violetta, and at least these two look like they won’t end up killing each other by the end of the episode. Will Jessica make it out alive?

Violetta, Tia and Jessica go have a pow wow in a nearby restaurant. Tia ditzily exclaims, “I can’t dance very much, because my boobs are going to fall out!” I don’t know what it is about Sarasota, but if I ever get stuck there, I am not drinking the water. The three of them agree to get along, and all is well.

powwow

Then the entire cast and the temporary roommates all go to a bar. Tony half-flirts with Madison, then pulls back. Madison walks out. Tony calls out after her and starts to follow her, but then he bumps into Jessica and promptly forgets about Madison.

Later that night, Tony climbs into bed with Jessica. Bruno sees it and laughs. Jessica asks if he will get in trouble with Madison for hooking up with him, and Tony, who is living on Planet Denial, responds that he will not get into trouble.

The next day, the skeletons leave. Tia tells us she understands her microaggressions towards Violetta affected her negatively and will try to treat others better in the future. And of course, “Namaste.”

Jessica tells us she came to the house to try to get Violetta to get to know her, but she ended up making out with Tony, because ‘he’s really hot.”

“Those Sarasota girls are weird dude,” says Sylvia, shaking her head. Yes, they are and good riddance.

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