“Pretty Little Liars” recap (5.18): Elbows and Apron Strings

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Between sensual apron tying and Vanderwaal sleepovers, last night’s episode of Pretty Little Liars felt like one long lesbian wet dream–or nightmare, depending where you fall in the shipping wars.

We open with the Liars convening outside Brew 2.0, where Spencer is feeling guilty over Toby’s butt hurt cop feelings. Didn’t he become a cop to figure all this A shit out and to save his girlfriend/friends from the endless torment that is their lives? I liked him better when he was a teen carpenter.

Screen Shot 2015-02-03 at 8.37.08 PMAria’s striped belt with animal print is making my eyes bleed

The Liars spot Mrs. Hastings across the street, where she is chatting with Ali’s defense team. Mrs. H is a consultant for the defense, but she’s mainly in it to make sure that Spencer doesn’t get re-arrested. The defense hands her a fat file folder filled with case info, and Spencer stares at it like a cartoon wolf stares at a steak.

Screen Shot 2015-02-03 at 8.37.25 PMSpencer has a full on info boner for that police file

Spencer and Hanna make up in the most lesbionic way possible: Hanna spends the night in the tub obsessing over their fight and Spencer holds her hand and they share moisturizing tips. GET A ROOM. They also see Holbrook finally show up at work, with a spiffy new haircut.

Screen Shot 2015-02-03 at 8.40.36 PMI’m sorry you sprained your wrist masturbating. And I’m sorry I laughed and told everyone.

Also, Ezra went to Harrisburg for the weekend but didn’t tell Aria. OMG DRAMA! JK, no one cares what he does. The Liars try to figure out why Holbrook is showing up now, which is not much of a mystery. He works there, guys. Not everyone can take off weeks and weeks of school/work without consequences. Emily is zoning out of the conversation and checking out Talia, as are we all.

Screen Shot 2015-02-03 at 8.42.33 PMEmily? Emily? Earth to Emily?

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