“Glee” recap (6.5): American Horror Story: Lima

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I’m baffled. I truly have no idea what Glee has been trying to accomplish with these last two episodes. I wish I did. I wish I could weave them together and provide commentary for a greater good; some sort of grand scheme. But I can’t. They are head scratchers. Never in my time covering television have I witnessed such self-flagellation. When Glee isn’t mocking itself, it’s mocking its viewers. But this time, it’s not with a “ha ha inside jokey” feel. It feels…bad.

After Vocal Adrenaline performs, Sue takes over the invitational, changing the rules and trying her best to sabotage New Directions. Now they and the Warblers have to change their set lists to “Old School” and, frankly, no one knows what the hell is going on. Everyone hems and haws, but Sue doesn’t care. Rachel and Kurt have to hurry up and figure out what to do, including recruiting more members right away and picking out a killer setlist. Kurt wisely suggests recruiting Kitty, an idea Rachel hates because Kitty loathes her, mainly because Rachel never bothered to learn her name. Rachel then goes on to admit that she never bothered to learn any of the Middle New Directions kids’ names because she was so wrapped up in her own deal. Glee never bothered to let their audience get invested in them either (with the exception of Unique, whose presence I dearly miss). When you have a cast of a thousand, and dozens of different storylines that you can’t even be bothered to follow through on, you end up short changing everyone. Anyway, Kurt tells Rachel she doesn’t have much of a choice not to win Kitty back for the team.

Kurt and Walter are on their second date, although they first have to agree that it’s a date. While Walter may be considerably older than Kurt, they are having a fun time getting to know each other. Sue slides over to act as their waitress, equip with her salty attitude, plenty of age related zingers, and a jumbo sized button of Klaine. However, Walter thinks she’s hilarious so her plan to disrupt their date goes awry.

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To calm her frazzled nerves, Sue and Becky hole up in the Hurt Locker to watch video clips of Klaine, including the ones from dream sequences. Becky, ever the voice of reason is like, “OK, this is getting ridiculous now.” Thank you, Becky. Sue’s new plan is to force Kurt and Blaine into a confined space so they will have to admit their feelings for one another. Or, you know, they could have lunch together and it would probably have the same affect. Anyway.

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Rachel ambushes Kitty in the hallway, ticking off facts about the surly cheerleader that she hopes will impress and soften Kitty’s attitude towards her. Kitty, who is obviously a Faberry shipper, is not cracking. She tells Rachel that she joined glee club for the love of music, and because she needed a teacher like Mr. Schue (just go with it, it’s Kitty’s experience, not ours) who would be kind and to have a group of friends who would have her back. Now, everyone has been banished from McKinley, she’s all alone, and it’s all she can do to hold on to a spot on Sue’s Cheerio pyramid. Kitty doesn’t trust that Rachel will follow through, and she’s not about get her heartbroken again. Kitty may have started out as some sort of weird Quinn Fabray/Santana Lopez hybrid, but Becca Tobin has really brought a lot of depth and heart to her. Way to rise above, Becca. Rachel tries once more and appeals to the performer in Kitty, saying they need a “top bitch.” Rachel also promises not to desert them.

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Blaine runs into Kurt after using the faculty bathroom, which he can now cross off his bucketlist. They head to the auditorium via a brand new elevator that just appears, kind of like out of the Matrix. (Hey, if Glee can make dated references in this episode, so can I.) Surprise, surprise, it’s a trap. They pound on the doors, yell for help, but in Glee, no one can hear you scream.

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A frantic Rachel and Sam, can’t track down Sam but Sue declares the show must go on so the Warblers perform their set without the watchful eye of their coach. They perform “My Sharona” by The Knack, and “You Spin Me Round” by Dead or Alive. Both songs are totally fine, but is it just me or have the Warblers lost that loving feeling this season? Tristan, or whatever his name is, just isn’t quite the lead vocalist Blaine was. Also, the Warblers look to be in their late 30s now.

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