“The Real World: Skeletons” recap (30.7): Trouble Times Three

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Tonylocks and the three belles—Alyssa, Elizabeth and Madison—have all become roommates in the last episode. Since then Tonylocks has had a taste of all three pots of goodness. Which one will be just right?

“I’ve got my ex-girlfriend, my first love and the girl I am sleeping with in the same house right now. In a perfect world maybe I could like, have all three of them?” Tony muses.

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Or will all three servings be too much, and he’ll get a bad case of the runs–as in being run out of town on a rail? Let’s see!

“For some reason, Tony wants all three girls at once, which I am pretty sure is only seen in pornos,” Violetta observes.

Tony takes a shower to get some alone time, but Alyssa and Madison barge into the restroom and heckle him, telling him he brought this situation on himself.

Later that night, everyone in the house including Alyssa and Elizabeth go to a club. Tony decides to run up to the first girl he sees and makes out with her, because the only way to handle three women circling you like vultures is to bring another woman into the picture. Tony really must think he is on a porno set, because that is the only place where this type of behavior will result in a happy ending–no pun intended.

After a few drinks Tony kisses Madison. Alyssa gets in Tony’s face and calls him a man child and that he plays with everyone’s emotions.

“You’re 26 years old!” she yells.

Bruno shakes his head at Tony.

“Stop being an idiot,” Bruno tells us.

Tony goes home and since there are no more extra women ready, willing and able to let him hump their legs, starts punching holes in the walls.

Nicole steps in and tells Alyssa, Elizabeth and Madison the cold hard truth. None of them are officially with him, so no one can claim him.

“None of you guys are with him,” Nicole exclaims.

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“He has no ties to anyone in the house. He has no ties to anyone at home,” she tells us. Poor Nicole thought she was signing up for a reality show on MTV. Instead she ended up on a documentary about sex starved bonobos mating in captivity on Animal Planet.

Then Jason tells Sylvia he is attracted to her and asks her to take salsa lessons with him. Sylvia warns him that she is violent and crazy. Jason says he is crazy, too. And they look at each other, not knowing quite what to do.

Before Sylvia is forced to make a decision, an emergency arises, which pauses the shot clock in the Jason/Sylvia match. In the next room, an argument between Violetta and Madison has escalated into blows, and Sylvia must add her body to the brawl to make it a three-way royal rumble, thereby saving her from having to choose between salsa dancing or sitting on the couch. Sylvia has been saved by the bell! And three’s company! Those shows have been canceled. Why won’t this one?

“We’re all adults here. Why are we acting like this?” Nicole asks no one in particular.

Everyone is separated and Madison tells Tony she is probably leaving.

“I need you,” he purrs.

Madison, for reasons unknown to anyone with any brain cells remaining after watching the first part of this mind-numbing episode, is comforted by the noises coming out of Tony’s mouth.

“He likes to protect me. He relates to me on a different level,” she says. Well there goes my last remaining brain cell.

Seconds later Elizabeth comes into the room and summons Tony.

“I gotta make Elizabeth feel better,” Tony says, and he follows Elizabeth out, leaving Madison alone.

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Then they retreat to a storage room to have sex. Alyssa sees the two exiting the room, and throws a fit.

“I know it was wrong to hook up with Elizabeth with Alyssa and Madison in the house but temptation was too great to fight,” he tells us.

That night Tony joins Elizabeth in bed, and Alyssa decides to ask Jason to be her companion for the night. At first Jason is concerned about violating the “bro code,” but then he has a second opinion. “But she’s got a juicy butt,” he tells us, and off to bed he goes with Alyssa.

The next morning, no one remembers what happened the night before–except Nicole, who has become to voice of reason in the house.

Nicole approaches Sylvia and tells her it wasn’t cool that all the girls got into a brawl. She tells her their behavior wasn’t classy, but Sylvia cannot recall anything.

The producer calls Sylvia and summons the entire cast to watch the video of fight from the night before.

It turns out Violetta struck Madison first, but then Sylvia came in and piled on, attacking Madison as well.

“That’s disgusting,” Nicole says and walks out.

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Violetta gives a nonchalant non-apology to Madison, but Sylvia is contrite and gives a real apology, which Madison accepts.

Tony and Alyssa decide to break ties, once and for all, and Alyssa tells him she cannot be friends with him after she leaves.

Elizabeth is also about to peace out, and on her way to her ride, she tells Tony, “Yeah, I can’t have anything to do with you.” He doesn’t even get a hug.

And so the tale of Tonylocks and the three belles ends with one woman standing: Madison. Will she cave in and allow the gravy train to continue, or will she finally stand up for herself and cut him off?

Also, when is Nicole’s skeleton arriving? Will it be like last season, when Ari’s ex arrived, and the two ran off to cuddle endlessly in the eye of a storm of crazy straight people blowing about around them? Bring on the lesbian activity. We won’t tell Mr. Healy.

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