The lesbians take over the neighborhood on “Shameless”

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If you can’t tell, I’m a huge fan of Shameless, the Showtime series about a down-and-out family on the South Side of Chicago. It sounds depressing, but it’s hilarious, smart and has more queer themes and characters than most other more celebrated shows on TV.

Three major storylines have included queer women since Shameless has returned for a fifth season. One I told you about last week: Svetlana’s penchant for sleeping with women while also being part of a (non-romantic, on her behalf) throuple with Mickey and Ian. On this week’s episode, the other two were explored further.

Let’s start with Fiona. Fiona’s been getting big tips from a fan at Patsy’s Pies, and that fan is Angela (played by Dollhouse hottie Dichen Lachman). Angela has a thing for Fiona, it seems, and leaves her huge tips on small orders. This week, on an episode called “The Two Lisas,” she comes in and requests Fiona’s table, per usual and asks another waitress if Fiona is dating anybody. “Someone’s in love!” the waitress teases Fiona.

“Take a number,” Fiona says, rolling her eyes. She goes to take the mystery woman’s order.

“How about dinner….with you?” Angela asks. Fiona gets a little nervous. “Oh…I’m kind of…my last relationship ended kind of messy, so I’m not really in the market…”

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“You can say no now, but I won’t stop asking. I’m quite persuasive.” She hands her a hundred dollar bill (mind you, she didn’t eat anything) and says she’ll see her tomorrow.

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That’s the only time we see her this episode, but surely we’ll be seeing how this plays out in future episodes. I’m still skeptical of Dichen’s motives. Does she really want Fiona, or does she want something from her? It certainly sounds like she’s interested in her, romantically, or else she would have told her so when Fiona gave the “messy break-up excuse.” Fiona, on the other hand, has had some flirtations with girls before, specifically with her friend, Jasmine (played by Amy Smart). They shared a few kisses, but Jasmine was trouble and Fiona just didn’t like her like that.

Fiona doesn’t have any trouble saying “yes” to dates with dudes on the same episode, however, which indicates she might not be interested in any kind of same-sex relationships. But I can hold out hope for next week.

Back to present day. The South Side neighborhood the Gallaghers live in is in danger of becoming gentrified, and a lesbian couple are knocking on doors to buy everyone’s homes. We’ve heard about them in the last two episodes, but now we finally get to meet Lisa and Lisa and their Range Rover. In this part of town, they stick out like….well, a couple of lesbians in a Range Rover.

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Sheila (Joan Cusack) is seriously considering selling her home, but her husband, Frank, is not trying to hear it. This block is his home, and he doesn’t want to move. He just started up a beer-brewing business in the basement. Sheila wants his attention, but she doesn’t get it until she says, “The ladies want an answer! The lesbians who put an offer on the house!”

“You cannot sell to the lesbians,” Frank says.

“Why not? They’re very attractive gays with a lot of money!” Sheila argues.

“Exactly,” Frank says. “When the good looking gays start buying up our homes, the neighborhood is doomed! They’re this cabal of sophisticates cashing in on their own good tastes.” (Side note: Frank has “cabal” in his vocabulary? Really?”)

But now Frank knows he has to do something about the lesbians threatening his new plan of selling highly-potent beer to the neighborhood. He enlists his son, Carl, to help him out.

“I got a mission for you–muy importante. I need you to run the lesbians out of town,” he tells Carl.

“All of them?” Carl asks.

“Nah, just the ones in our hood,” Frank says. “They’re tearing up our soil, profiting in flower gardens, yoga studios, gastropubs and stores for dog clothes. We gotta get ’em out of here!” He leaves it up to Carl to come up with a way to scare them out. He’s too busy with his “brewery.”

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