“Glee” recap (6.4): Da Bears

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Let me be frank with you, Gaysharks. Every series has their excellent episodes, and their clunkers. Not every episode is going to be an Emmy contender. But sometimes, there is an episode so groanworthy, so tone deaf, so unlikeable, that you can’t quite believe that it came from the same writers’ room as the one before it. For me, that episode is “The Hurt Locker, Part One.” I watched the responses on Twitter and it appears that many Glee fans were left scratching their heads on this one as well. I know I promised to be a kinder, gentler recapper this season, but I simply cannot let this one go by without a more critical tone. I hope you’ll understand.

OK, here we go.

Will Schuester, bless his heart, foolishly thinks that he and Sue Sylvester are now buddies now that she’s no longer threatened by him. Why he’d want to be friends with a woman who tried on numerous occasions to get him fired, and destroy his livelihood, is beyond me, but let’s throw the guy a bone. As for Sue, Will is no longer a threat, but that doesn’t mean she still doesn’t like to play with her food. When Will leaves behind an unused plastic fork on table, Sue loses her goddamn mind.

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She grabs Becky and the two of them take a ride in Sue’s Le Car, down to a storage unit. Sue casually mentions possibly retiring in the near future, but before then, she must exact her revenge on Rachel, Will, and pretty much everyone. Sue has constructed a vision board of rage, and it’s something out of CSI or Pretty Little Liars.

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Except, Klaine. Yes, it turns out that Sue is the biggest Klaine shipper of them all. I always thought that Sue had a soft spot for Kurt, but this is news. Sue will do what’s in her power to reunite the men, and hopefully score a sweet gig as a flower girl at their wedding.

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To kickstart her quest, she calls Kurt into her office to discuss her intentions of helping him get Blaine back. Kurt, being the gentleman that he is, politely declines her assistance, and swears that he does not want to get back together with Blaine. Well, we know that’s not the case, but it’s wise of Kurt to try and keep Sue as far away from his love life as possible. Sue then mentions that she booked an invitational with the Warblers and Vocal Adrenaline with the hopes of undermining New Directions. Sigh.

Will and Rachel wax nostalgic about being back together, even if it’s on opposing teams. Then Rachel does something so shocking, I still can’t believe it happened: She asks Will to throw the invitational so that her glee kids don’t feel defeated. Seriously, Rachel Berry? The insanely competitive, brutally ambitious woman we love, wants a pity win? I’m sick about it. Did I mention that Sue has sent a drone into the auditorium to record their conversation? I can’t. Will hesitates, but when he sees the memorial plaque of Finn on the wall, his affection for Rachel and his big heart win out. He throws Vocal Adrenaline off their game by switching up their number for something brand new. You know, like he did everyday back when he was leading New Directions. The members of Vocal Adrenaline hate him with the heat of a thousand fiery suns.

Next stop for Sue is the locker room, where she goes all Manchurian Candidate and hypnotizes Sam with an ease that could only happen inside of a Scooby Doo episode. After waving around a pocket watch, she sets Sam out to seduce Rachel Berry and break her heart. I’m screaming inside, can you hear it?

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When Blaine arrives at the invitational with The Warblers, Rachel tries the same line on him as she did with Will. Blaine, however, refuses to hear any of that nonsense. Right then, he gets an emergency call from Karofsky and all three of them rush over to Blaine’s apartment. Inside, Karofsky stands screaming on the kitchen table while a bear cub rolls around on their rainbow bedspread. Kurt is pretty sure how it ended up there.

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