“Pretty Little Liars” recap (5.16): Team Spaleb Needs Gloves

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pll16-1A raglan and converse: universal lesbian attire

Last night’s Pretty Little Liars was particularly gruesome, so let’s hop into our barrels and ride over the falls! We open with the Liars at Ezra’s, where everybody knows your name…that you chose for your underage daughters. Spencer is relaying all the knife pottery drama and the Liars come to the conclusion that they are being framed for Mona’s murder.

pll16-7How many stamps do I need to mail 57 dildos? I’m asking for a friend.

Spencer offers to mail Emily’s brown envelope of sadness, filled to the brim with tears, CDs and like, 50 of Paige’s swimming goggles. Paige asked for space (unpossible!) so Emily will not be going to San Francisco to visit over spring break, depriving us all of a truly leztacular travel episode. Hanna asks to borrow Emily’s baseball tee, but she won’t let her, which means that tee must have some significance. We all know Emily would literally give Hanna the shirt off her back otherwise.

pll116-9 Does this mean you’re not bringing me anything from Ghirardelli Square? Bummer.

After Hanna and Spencer leave, Aria continues to spiral about her tainted Talmadge acceptance, and is desperate to find another school to apply to. Also, she’s wearing earrings bigger than her entire face, as she is wont to do. As Emily prints out her coffee receipt, the machine keeps printing a crazy-long CVS style receipt. But is it full of coupons? NOPE. It’s Aria’s Talmadge letter. Well played, A.

pll16-13$1 off all Neutrogena cleansers? Score!

pll16-14“Also these coupons expired yesterday, bitch. XOXO, A”

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