“The Fosters” recap (2.12): The BerLena Wall

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Previously on The Fosters, Robert Quinn stalked his way back into Callie’s life and agreed to let her get adopted by the Adams Foster family and then reneged because of course he did. Joining will-Callie-ever-get-adopted” in the in the “storylines that will never die Olympics” was yet another ill-advised Brallie kiss. You’re killin’ me, Smalls! Lena quit her job, ostensibly to protect Jude who did something in a tent with Connor, but just maybe because she has a couple billion feelings left over from having to terminate her pregnancy. Mike is sponsoring (and possibly schtupping) Ana while she gets clean.

When we last left our rag tag group of Adams Fosters, an ambulance had just arrived at the Quinn’s house of opulence and overcompensation. Sophia is in the tub, crying and slips under the water. But the ambulance isn’t there for her, it’s there for Robert who has had a panic attack. Dude, stop acting like you’re the one who has been yanked around by the foster care system.     

Beautiful Judicorn says, “He signed the papersshouldn’t he have to stick to his word?” Oh you glorious little unicorn child, somehow untouched by the chronically disappointing adults in your life. Lena says it will all be fine because she also believes in unicorns and leprechauns and the goodness of the human spirit. Stef isn’t so sure on account of the fact that she actually remembers everything that has happened to this family in the span of less than a year.

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Brandon finds Callie outside where she’s playing “Joe Lies” on her guitar. He starts to talk and she’s like, “Yeah, see my life has kind of come apart at the seams so if you could go away and save your bad news for another day that would be great.” He tells her that he just doesn’t want her to give up.

Upstairs Lena is waiting for Jude so they can process the day. I’m not sure there’s any more comforting sight than Lena saying it’s going to be all right. She’s like a human Klonopin. She thanks Jude for being honest about what happened with Connor in the tent and says that what they did wasn’t wrong, just not appropriate for a school trip. So, I think that rules out ritual sacrifice on the list of stuff they might have been doing.

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The next day Stef is doing what she does best; ignoring Lena and making everything worse. She’s talking to Dr. Quinn who tells her that when she thought Callie was just a street rat she wanted nothing to do with her but now that she realizes that she’s a diamond in the rough she and Robert would like to keep her. You never know with strays, do you? Some are sweet and some will bite your frickin’ hand off. When Stef calls BS Robert says “you’ll be hearing from my lawyer.”

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Jesús and Brandon are lifting weights in the garage and talking about whether AA works or not. Brandon sure hopes so otherwise he’s wasted a lot of time hanging out at meetings with his dad. Outside, Mariana is practicing her dance routine with Tia the dance superstar. Mariana wants to simplify her solo but Tia tells her she didn’t sit her ass on the back deck for a billion hours just for Mariana to give up. It’s kind of how I feel about Callie. We haven’t been watching all this time for you to give up (or make out with Brandon, again).

Brandon and Lu are singing a song about cannon and crossfire and some other teenage level metaphor. Mariana thinks they are great together but Mat has seen the Rumours episode of Glee and is afraid of a Fleetwood Mac situation. Lena and Stef, in solidarity with the lesbian blogger community, stopped letting the kids watch Glee years ago so Mariana has no idea what a Fleetwood Mac is.

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