“Lost Girl” recap (5.6): Body of a Greek God

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Previously on Lost Girl: Bo almost turns into a pussy, but then gets some instead–from Tamsin. Also an Oracle scoops out her own eyeballs and Lauren gets cake on her face. One is, clearly, worse than the other. I mean, Jesus, what a waste of cake.

You know what my least favorite toy was growing up? The damn jack-in-the-box. You turned the crank and a creepy song played until, blam-o, some even creepier thing jumped out at you. How is this fun? This is not fun.

Bo is slowly turning the crank on her own Hell-in-the-box from Daddy Hades. But wait, as the camera pans through the gossamer curtains we realize it’s not Bo. It’s…Lauren? Smiling, glowy, radiant Lauren.

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Bo wakes up with a start. She says Lauren’s name and in her post-dream confusion turns around in bed and finds…Tamsin? Smiling, groggy, ruffled Tamsin. So, I guess they aren’t using Kenzi’s old room after all. Tam-Tam goes on about her own dream, something about her truck and burgers. Leave it to our Valkyrie to know what is really important in life.

Tamsin seals her dream review with a kiss, and then Bo tells her she is off to make breakfast–half Captain Crunch, half Lucky Charms. Tamsin is all lovey dovey about Bo knowing her morning cereal ratios. But Bo tries to friendzone with benefits the situation saying, “That’s what roomies are for.” Roomies. Ouch.

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Dyson arrives at a locker room crime scene with…that Little Shit Mark? What is this, Take Your Estranged Son to Work Day? Look, I know this show requires leaps, bounds, quantum universe time jumps in suspension of disbelief, but there’s no way any police force is letting a guy bring his son under the crime tape for a casual look see. So, naturally, that’s exactly what happens.

They’re investigating the death of a football player, who just happens to have the triple spiral symbol of the Fae cult written out in his blood next to his body. So, naturally, Dyson uses a towel he finds on scene to wipe up the symbol because it’s not like it’s an investigation and detectives will have noticed the symbol or will test the towel or will… sorry. I get carried away with terrible police procedure on TV sometimes. This is almost as annoying as when CSIs are sent in to interview murder suspects. Doesn’t matter anyway because an even bigger triple spiral forms out of the smudged blood he left afterwards.

Dyson briefs the team on the murder and its connection to the Fae cult at the Dal. The victim was a high-profile football draft prospect. Tamsin knows him because he’s hot, but not Bo hot. This gets a raised eyebrow from both our favorite bisexual Succubus’ exes.

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The triple spiral that keeps popping up is a symbol of death and reincarnation used by end-of-days cults. So they decide to try to infiltrate the football team to find out more which means…drum roll… HOT CHEERLEADERS. Sure, this show stretches the limits of incredulity sometimes, but it also strives nobly to give fans everything they’ve ever dreamed of – and some things they haven’t even had a chance to dream of yet.

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Tamsin already knows all about hot cheerleaders, because of course she has the novelty calendar. Dyson and Lauren remain skeptical about Tam-Tam’s ability to shake her pom-poms in a cheerful way – and also her viability as a long-term romantic prospect for Bo. But she just shoots them a death glare and tells Dyson to give her a “D-Y-Suck My Balls.” Now that is my kind of cheer.

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