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“Marry Me” recap (1.10): Spoil Me

We’ve all had one. Maybe for you it’s Pretty Little Liars. Or Orange Is the New Black. Perhaps you watch it live week to week, or wait until the whole season is available and have a weekend marathon. No matter what it is, or how you view it, there’s a television show you and your girlfriend (bestie, sister, etc.) watch together, side-by-side for every frame. But it’s more than just a television show: It’s a ritual. An event. You pour some wine, pop some popcorn, and grab your phones so you can tweet about it as you watch.

For Annie and Jake, that show is The Moors, which is basically a cross between Downton Abbey and Game of Thrones. Jake and Annie have been bonding over the 19th Century violent romance. So imagine the betrayal they each felt when they finally sat down after a week of avoiding spoilers to find that the DVR says the episode was “recently watched.” Neither one of them will admit to watching the show without the other so instead, they watch Million Dollar Listing in disgust.

The next day at brunch, Annie’s dads are equally appalled. Kevin 2 says, “Having a show together is a sacred contract wherein you vow to wait for each other. Your father and I have had shows together forever, and neither one of us have ever broken that bond.”

Then Kevin 2 suggests that it may have been one of the Annie and Jake’s friends who watched the show. After all, they have a key to their place. Yes! That must be it, Annie and Jake agree. Mystery solved.

Meanwhile, Kay, Dennah and Gil are heading back to Dennah’s car while Kay complains about how much she hates The Moors. Dennah sees a parking ticket on her car and is bummed until her latest steady rolls up in his police cruiser and tears it up. Dennah’s man, Officer Gary Thicke (Rob Riggle), tells her that, “As long as we’re doing stuff below the belt, consider yourself above the law.”

Thicke’s partner, Detective Laguna Matata (Natasha Leggero), joins them and begins flirting with Gil. Of course, Gil is oblivious so Kay clues him in. “Yo! She’s into you!” “

No!” Gil insists, “She’s just being nice.”

Back at Jake and Annie’s apartment, the gang is just are toasting to the fact that our beloved couple is no longer fighting over who watched The Moors.

“Now that we know it’s one of you, everything is alright, man,” Jake explains.

But the rest of the gang bursts their happy little bubble.

“Wait one of us? It wasn’t me. I watch TV like everyone else in this world-on my phone, in traffic, weeks after its original air date,” Dennah says.

Kay agrees. “It definitely wasn’t me. The only thing I hate more than The Moors is More Moors the post-Moors talk show hosted by Jay Mohr.”

It wasn’t Gil either. “Look, I use your place for many things. Let’s keep it vague.” Then he turns to Kay and Dennah and adds, “Mid-city pooping.”

Gil continues, “But television watching is not one of them. And why would we lie about it?”

But if one of their friends didn’t watch it…the fight is back on! Jake and Annie start fighting again, but Dennah has a solution: She’ll just call her boo, Gary, and have him bring over his polygraph machine to figure out who is lying.

While the girls get up to call Gary, Jake pulls Gil into the bathroom. He’s busted. He did watch the show without Annie. But, in his defense, it wasn’t his fault. He was at the Sports Authority where they were doing a crossbow cross promotion with The Moors and they were airing the show on all the televisions in the store. He tried to avoid the screens but he got sucked in.

“So tell the truth. It’s just a TV show,” Gil advises.

“No, man. It’s about trust,” Jake insists. “I didn’t watch it on our TV, so that means she definitely did. She’s lying to me!”

Jake decides to go through with the lie detector test and just make sure that Annie goes first. Once she is caught lying, his lie will never come out. Unfortunately for him, when Thicke and his partner Matata show up, they have two polygraph machines and hook Jake and Annie up at the same time.

As Matata heads out the door, she hints that she would like Gil to walk her to her car, but Gil is too dense to pick up on it. Kay throws him back into the bathroom to give him a reality check.

“Yo!” Kay tells Gil. “That hot lady dick is way into you!”

Gil responds, “That’s very graphic.”

“Oh come on!” Kay continues,.”Have you been on one date since Cassie? Go. Ask her out. “

“Will you please stop pressuring me?” Gil asks.

“Gil, it’s time. Trust me. Once you get some balls, the bitches will come running,” Kay says. “It’s like my grandmother always used to say: ‘Once you get some balls, the bitches will come running.’ She was a dog trainer.”

“Still a crazy thing to say,” says Gil. But he does what Kay suggests, and scores a date with Matata.

Jake and Annie both take the lie detector test and they answer whether or not they watched The Moors on the DVR. They both pass! Yet, neither Jake nor Annie believe each other and Jake inadvertently implies that Annie is the kind of un-empathetic psychopath who can beat a lie detector test. Not good.

As the civil war continues, Dennah is enjoying living above the law. She litters, steals magazines and jaywalks across town as Kay and Gil trail behind her attempting to correct the chaos she leaves in her wake. Dennah tells Gil that he is going to love dating a cop, but Gil is too nervous to even go on the first date. Dennah suggests that they do a group hang to take the pressure off.

Back at the apartment, Jake comes home for lunch and finds Kevin 1 watching TV in the bedroom. Aha! It was Annie’s dad the whole time! He feels so bad for accusing Annie of lying that he goes to visit her at work (apparently she works at a design firm) with a bouquet of flowers just to overhear her talking to her co-workers about their weekly The Moors viewing party at the office. She did watch it without him, just not at home!

Jake comes home to find Kevin 1 still sprawled on his bed watching television. When Jake laments about Annie watching the show all season with her co-workers, his future father in law gives him some advice: “Look, I’ve been TV cheating on Kevin for years. He may know, he may not know. But at this point, we’re smart enough not to ask.”

“But why do you do it?” Jake asks.

“Kevin loves to ask questions while we’re watching our show, and I love not beating him to death with a hammer when he interrupts every five seconds. It’s our thing, even if it is a little bit of lie.”

But Jake’s not having it. He plans to confront Annie as soon as she gets home.

Meanwhile, the rest of the gang is hanging out with Dennah’s boyfriend and his partner, Detective Matata at a restaurant. After Thicke wraps up a story about the Chicago PD softball game (that sounds a lot like a story about police brutality), Matata gushes that Thicke tells the best stories and kisses him. On the mouth! Twice! It turns out the cops are more than just partners on the force. They’re life partners. As in married. To each other.

But it’s OK-they are allowed to date other people. Dennah is soooo not down with being in an open relationship and gathers her things. Dennah follows her but Gil stays to check out the soup of the day. When Dennah insists that he come along he admits that he is just so happy that he officially went on a date. He’s back out there!

That night, Annie comes home contrite. She apologizes for getting so upset, she doesn’t want to fight over a television show. Jake is so touched by her speech that he can’t bear to keep the civil war going on either. He tells her that is was her dad that watched the show on their DVR and suggests that since neither of them have seen it, they should watch it right then and there. Annie and Jake kiss and make up and crawl into bed to finally watch The Moors finale together.

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