“Top Chef: Boston” recap (12.10): Sweet “Child” of Mine

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Previously on Top Chef: Boston… uh, I’m going to be totally honest, I don’t remember. ::re-reads last recap:: Oh! Ok! Patriots TE Rob Gronkowski was on, the chefs made literary-inspired dishes, and Katsuji went home. Man oh man, it’s certainly been a minute since the last episode, huh? I hope you all had joyous holiday seasons full of cooking and/or eating! (I know I did.)

This week on Top Chef, the chefs (Hey chefs! Missed you guys!) remember Katsuji and his lovable antics. Also, it looks like George is still around, I guess. I was kind of hoping he would somehow magically disappear over the holiday break, but there he is. Oh well. In way more interesting news, my BBs Melissa and Mei are having some bonding time on the roof. They laugh about being Asian lady chefs, and, even though I’m not Asian or a chef, I want to hang out with them- so I guess my invitation got lost in the mail?

photo1Don’t worry, guys. I saved myself a spot for next time.

 Those two perfect, beautiful, magical snowflakes (and the rest of the chefs) head to the kitchen to meet Andy Cohen. You may know Andy from his casual, hilarious misogyny on Watch What Happens Live!

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Andy has brought along his old college roommate (the straight version of himself lulz), because this week’s Quickfire Challenge has the chefs putting their own spin on the perennial collegiate favorite: ramen noodles. George has never even eaten ramen noodles, and it’s becoming clear to me that he is totally the Jerry Gergich of the bunch.

Plot twist! The chefs won’t have access to the Top Chef pantry- they’ll have to select a college student, and can only use the ingredients he or she brought. All the female students are chosen first, because obviously the prospect of serving food made from things found in the dorm refrigerator of a college boy is fucking terrifying. There is no immunity today, but the winner will receive $5K, so that’s pretty sweet.

The chefs all reflect on their college experiences as they laugh at the ingredients in their bags. Melissa apparently once drank from a two-story high beer bong, which is metal as fuck to be quite frank with you.

Time’s up and the judges come around to taste. Doug made some kind of tofu/egg/coconut water thing, and Padma slurps down her noodles. It’s adorable, but Andy Cohen shames her and I hate him even more now. He’s also mentioned being high like 4 times by this point, and it’s coming across as desperate.

photo4“Hey there, kids! Have you happened to smoke any drugs recently? I myself smoke many drugs!”

Gregory prepared a bacon/pizza broth with a Dorito crunch and, IDK, man that kind of sounds fucking delicious. Next up, Andy Cohen makes fun of George’s gelled hair and it’s the only redeeming thing he’s done so far. George made some kind of meaty, spaghetti-o, hot dog monstrosity. Go home, George.

Melissa put together a mac and cheese/carbonara dish and it also actually looks really good. Initially, when she said she was making cheesy ramen, I’ll admit I flashed some side-eye at the screen… but I totally take it back. Mei made a miso/tomato sauce ramen, and you can tell she hates it as soon as she serves it.

Mei and Doug are on the bottom, womp womp. Somehow, the judges actually liked George’s meat-tastic dish, and he’s on top along with Gregory and Melissa. Melissa wins! Fuck yeah! In the words of (life role model) Donna Meagle – You can get it! (Lots of Parks and Recs references today. Don’t know why, just go with it.)

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