Another day, another killer “L Word” promo

Hey, here’s a question. Does this look like a police lineup to you?

Showtime has released a second promo for the final season of The L Word and it left me wondering how the show had turned into an extended game of Clue.

Yes, it’s true. All that talk of killers and images of bodies under sheets and police height charts weren’t just a tease. Somebody gets killed. Somebody gets blamed. And don’t run to the restroom in the first two minutes, because you’ll apparently miss the whole thing.

So, um, OK. The lesbian soap opera we all love to hate, hate to love is now a murder mystery? Even for a show that has already seen babynapping, death, grand theft, imprisonment, bail jumping, arson and countless crimes against fashion, that seems like a bit of a stretch.

Look, I know it’s hard to come up with new material after five seasons, but to go straight to killing one character and blaming another for her death seems so, well, Days of Our Lesbians.

Plus, how will any of the season’s other storylines find room to breathe? A big murder, framing and investigation seems like it would suck all of the oxygen (not to mention fun) away from the rest of the characters.

Perhaps Ilene Chaiken just wants to show the straight world how the lesbian killer cliché is really done. Though, if she is serious about her clichés, she should make her killer a lesbian vampire killer. Oh wait, damn, someone has already beaten her to it.

Of course, from now until the sixth and final season premieres January 18, the bets will be flying as to who “will take her last breath” and who “will take the fall.” So what follow is my wild speculation based only loosely on facts and almost entirely on guessing.

Who takes her last breath: My guess, Helena. Why? Because she’s the only cast member who is British. And because the spin-off is possibly set in London. Hey, I said it was based on guessing.

Who takes the fall: My guess, Alice. Why? Because she gets the spin-off, duh. And because the spin-off is possibly set in prison. Just look at her shifty eyes.

Also, check out the ominous screenshot between the two of them in the promo. It just screams “red rum, red rum!”

So, have you wrapped your mind grapes around the fact that there is an actual murder and framing in the final season of The L Word? And, if so, who buys the farm and who gets the frame? Was it Alice in The Planet with the candlestick? Discuss.

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