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“Marry Me” recap (1.9): Test Me

Marry Me is back after a short hiatus and so is the witty banter between Jake, Annie and all their friends. Although this latest episode didn’t contain as many of Kay’s signature funny facial expressions as I would like, it still delivered tons of laughs.

The episode begins in a boutique baby store where the gang is trying to decide on a gift for yet another baby shower thrown in honor of Dr. and Libby Berman, a couple that no one really likes. How much do they dislike them? Well, they can’t even remember one half of the couple’s first name, and instead just call him “What’s His Name” or “Doctor.”

Though it’s tempting to just stop being friends with Libby and…her man, instead of buying them another expensive gift like the teddy bear nanny cam Kay got them for their first shower (or was it the third one?), Jake and Annie can’t dump them just yet. Jake has an appointment to see the doctor to get his junk tested. That’s right. His junk. It seems that the unnamed doctor is a fertility specialist and Annie and Jake are kinda, sorta, ready to start preparing for possibly talking about considering a time in the future where they may want to have kids.

So even though they don’t even know the guy’s first name (could it be Henry? Mark? Steve?) the whole gang shows up to the owl-themed party. After giving Annie and Jake a short tour of the owl nursery (owl sheets, owl humidifier, a scary taxidermied owl perched menacingly on the wall)

Libby takes Annie to the kitchen to cut the owl cake and Jake and … (Glenn? Ben?)… “Doctor” chat about Jake’s upcoming appointment. “What’s His Name” gives Jake some advice on how to keep his sperm count up including staying away from things that can negatively affect his numbers such as a poor diet, weed, alcohol, tight underwear, spandex shorts, and carrying cell phones in his pants.

Jake, being Jake, freaks out and when Annie rejoins him in the nursery he makes a ridiculous excuse as to why he can’t make it to his fertility appointment the next day. Annie suspects that something is up, but Jake sticks to his story- that he has to go to Detroit with his Mother on the day of his appointment.

Later, Kay says something funny about the news that they are watching on television, but Annie is distracted by Jake’s weird behavior. When she tells Kay that she’s convinced something must’ve happened in the nursery after she left, Kay suggests that Annie simply watch the footage recorded on the nanny cam. If anything happened in the nursery, the camera would’ve have caught it all.

Annie calls Libby and confesses her suspicions. She wonders if she could see the footage to figure out why Jake is withholding from her. Libby completely understands. She’s been there, too. It turns out that she and….um, her baby daddy were just about to take a look at the footage themselves in order to see folks candid reactions to the owl decorations in the nursery, so she offers to keep an eye out for anything that might be useful as far as Jake is concerned.

When Annie hangs up, she goes into full panic mode.

“Get your damn your purse.” She tells Kay.

“What’s happening?” asks Kay.

“They’re about to watch that tape. We’ve got to go now.”

“Why?”

“I may have said some terrible things about her, her baby and her husband. And Jake maybe called her baby Don Rickles and as I am saying that out loud, I realize I should have piled on Don Wrinkles!” explains Annie.

Kay asks, “So you’re saying that if someone spit out a bad bite of steak tar-tar in a baby blanket and stuffed it behind an owl-themed dresser, that would be on that tape too?

“Of course that’s what I’m saying.”

“Then let’s go get that tape!” Kay yells as they both run out the door.

Meanwhile, Jake is hiding out with Gil avoiding his appointment. He’s come up with a bunch of strategies to pad his sperm count if he can stall on having the tests conducted for 8-12 months. For once, Gil is the voice of reason on the show.

“Buddy, if you’re worried about your sperm count, why not just go to the appointment where they’ll let you know if you should be worried about your sperm count?”

Silly Gil! That would be too easy. And, not nearly as hilarious as watching Jake order bags of ice for his balls and hang upside down for 30 mins every morning.

Meanwhile, Kay and Annie show up at “Hey You!” and Libby’s house carrying a backpack and a loaf of bread. They make an excuse about wanting to bring the busy and overtired new parents some food and invite themselves in. Also, they really wanted to see the adorable baby again.

“Why don’t ya’ll get up on that toast, while we go peep that thang!” suggests Kay. And then she and Annie run off to the nursery.

Unfortunately, the new parents aren’t far behind. They get to the nursery just as Annie and Kay spot the Teddy cam but before they get a chance to switch it out for the brand-new Teddy they brought with them in Annie’s backpack. So, Kay suggests that she holds Annie’s backpack while Annie performs one of her famous blessings on the child. With Libby and her husband’s back to Kay and their eyes closed, Kay makes the switch while Annie mutters some nonsense including “milk, milk, lemonade. Around the corner fudge is made.” The blessing ends with Annie and Kay’s own rendition of Salt and Peppa’s “Push it”.

Annie sings, “Oh baby baby. What a cute baby.”

“Ooh, push it real good.” Kay adds rubbing her own tummy. She points at Libby’s tummy. “You pushed it real good.”

Then, having successfully stolen the incriminating tape, Kay and Annie rush home to watch the footage. Annie sees the conversation between “What’s his face” and Jake and finally understands that Jake is just worried about his sperm count. On the upside, she also discovers that they look really good in the grainy video.

“You should make a sex tape!” Kay suggests.

Annie agrees,”Yeah, we should!”

“I’ll direct.” Kay continues.

But Annie quickly shuts that down. “Yeah, no thank you.”

Annie tracks down Jake and convinces him to come home. Although Jake feels guilty that he may have compromised their fertility by waiting too long to propose, Annie assures them that if there are any problems, they will face it together.

The next day they are at the hospital for their appointment and are surprised to discover that there are several Dr. Bermans practicing there. They look at a directory and when they see a listing for a Dr. Michael Berman they think he is their man. They head up to the office, check in and are directed to leave a sample in the cup in the bathroom. Yet, while Jake is “yanking his tank” while watching a video with headphones, Annie discovers that this Dr. Berman is actually a pediatrician. Annie knocks on the bathroom door to get Jake to stop but he can’t hear her. The doctor comes out with a clown wig and nose on and offers to unlock the door for her. Long story short: he walks in on Jake, um, “walking his dog” and both men are traumatized.

Annie and Jake go back down to the lobby defeated when they run into their own Dr. Berman.

“You’re late,” he tells them, and then escorts them upstairs to his office. Just when it seems like all’s well that ends well. Jake and Annie notice the name on Dr. Berman’s door: Jake. He’s Dr. Jake Berman. Jake can’t believe that they couldn’t remember Dr. Berman’s name when it is the same as his own. They find it so upsetting that they could forget something so obvious that they can’t stop talking about it and Dr. Berman overhears them.

“I’m sorry. Have you not known my name this all this time?” He asks. They shake their heads.

“Does this mean that the appointment is off?” Annie asks.

“Wow,” Dr. Jake Berman replies. “Just wow.” Then he slams the door in their faces.

As they walk away, Annie seems unfazed. “Should we go home and have sex?”

Jake replies, “Yeah, I’m gonna need a minute.”

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