“Pretty Little Liars” recap (5.14): Alison is the New Black

on

It’s the winter premiere of Pretty Little Liars, the only show where dolls and fireworks can be weaponized to equal effect.

Screen Shot 2015-01-06 at 8.24.58 PMI know three months seems like a long time, but Rosewood years are 57 months long, so…

It’s been three months since the Christmas special, and we open with the Liars at Mona Vanderwaal’s funeral. We learn that Mona’s body was never found, and that her coffin is filled with keepsakes and personal effects. I am now placing 3-1 odds that before this season is over, one of those liars will be digging up Mona’s grave. My money is on Spencer or Emily; those girls know how to handle a shovel.

Screen Shot 2015-01-06 at 8.27.53 PMHanna, we’re all grieving, but now is not the time for a “getting lei’d” joke.

Despite finding the Bethany letter, Spencer is still out on bail and considered a murder suspect. Does Burberry make ankle monitors?

Ali rolls up to the funeral in a pink flowery dress and tries to talk to Leona, Mona’s mom. She tells her she had nothing to do with Mona’s death, and Momma Vanderwaal proceeds to slap Ali’s face right off her head. And it’s not a little slap, it’s a full-on Navratilova backhand!

19Ugh, the one time I’m not wearing a mask of my own face!

16 Emily Fields: always the most surprised all of the time

Back at Casa Vanderwaal, Hanna is helping Leona clean up. Leona says that without Mona’s body, she feels like Mona was lost at sea. She gives Hanna a toy dog of Mona’s, adding to Hanna’s treasure trove of Mona artifacts.

Meanwhile, over at the Hastings, Spencer is giving her dad the rundown on the funeral shenanigans. Mr. Hastings says, “I should have been there,” aka the Rosewood Parents Motto. He tells Spencer that Bethany’s family is trying to get her bail revoked, and that they’ve unsealed her indictment.

33Flawless mugshot is FLAWLESS

At Rosewood PD, Tanner gives Officer Toby the indictment, which reveals that Jessica DiLaurentis gave a statement saying she saw Spencer kill Bethany. Apparently she gave the statement a while ago, but it was hidden in Wilden’s files. I like to imagine that the evidence room of the Rosewood PD is just stacks and stacks of masks and riddles.

More you may like