“The Real World: Skeletons” recap (30.3): Once you pop, you can’t stop

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Happy new year! It’s 2015 and The Real World is still growing in your cable box like kudzu. Some things never change.

Episode 3 starts out with Jason streaking through the house. Nicole remarks that she has no desire to see his “anaconda.” The other girls are also unimpressed.

By this point, the house has split into factions. Madison and Violetta have thrown their support to Sylvia in Bruno and Sylvia’s falling out over each other’s wandering eyes, and they go out on the town. Carla, another one of Bruno’s interests is coming over with her friends, and they want no part of it.

The girls are drinking like Prohibition is about to start the following day. Violetta has an alter ego, Clarisse. Clarisse awakens and takes over Violetta’s body after a few drinks. We all have a friend who turns into Clarisse. This is Clarisse.

Clarisse, Sylvia and Madison arrive back at the house so intoxicated that they are barely able to speak English. Just another mundane day at the Real World house. They have also lost their keys, which allows time for Bruno to whisk Carla away from Sylvia’s prying eyes. Tony sacrifices himself to the dubious cause of furthering the Bruno/Carla mashup. He distracts Sylvia by occupying her lips, which upsets Madison. Then Clarisse kisses one of Carla’s female friends.

violettakiss

Then Sylvia kisses Carla’s friend.

sylviakiss

Everyone else sits around and watches the show. Jason is all smiles while Madison seems more into her Pringles.

madisonchips

The next morning Clarisse is nowhere to be seen. Violetta has wrestled back control of her mind and body from Clarisse and she is not happy. The boys are teasing her about her cray cray from the previous night, and Violetta pops off at Jason.

Then the roommates go kayaking and on the car ride there, Jason blurts out that he is having a daughter with a woman with whom he has no emotional connection, but since he grew up without a father, he wants to be there for his daughter. This confession came out of nowhere and was probably prompted by a producer, because there has to be a back story for his skeletons. Who will it be? Baby mama? Mama? Daddy?

Tony also confesses to Madison that he has a girlfriend back home. It seems like Madison is better off with her Pringles.

Later that night the girls go out again, and the boys and Nicole go to a separate club. Madison makes out with a guy to get her mind off of Tony, and Bruno picks up another woman named Pamela. The girls arrive home sloshed to the point of no return – yet again. Violetta and Tony get into a screaming match, and the roommates realize that Violetta is someone who cannot be teased. Violetta tells us that she was bullied as a child and she will not take any bullshit from anyone.

Meanwhile Sylvia is so intoxicated she urinates in the confessional. Bruno sees the accident and wakes Violetta up to clean up the mess. Violetta is back in good spirits and thinks the situation is humorous and she and Bruno run around the house laughing.

To take their mind off the tension in the house Violetta, Madison and Sylvia go mud wrestling. Violetta and Madison get squashed like bugs by muscle women, but they are good sports and take the thumping in stride.

violettasquashed

Back at the house, Bruno is with Pamela and they make out in the hot tub. Then Bruno follows her into the bathroom and it is implied that they have sex and it lasts only five minutes. Five minutes? Poor straight people. 🙁

Later Bruno tells Sylvia that he and Pamela smashed, and Sylvia puts in a brave face, but you know she secretly wants to smash his face.

Next week the first skeleton arrives. Break out the Pringles and enjoy the show, y’all

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