“The Real World: Skeletons” recap (30.2): Bros before Hos

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Welcome to episode 2 of the affliction that comes back every season with no cure in sight. No, not the flu. There’s a preventative shot for thatand it’s free with Obamacare! I’m talking about The Real World, the booze soaked reality show that won’t die.

The episode opens with butt slapping. Nicole, Jason and Bruno amuse themselves by tapping each other’s arses and tossing pillows around the room. Since this is the year of Nicki Minaj‘s reign, appreciating everyone’s booty is par for the course.

Everyone gets ready to go to the beach, and Nicole asks Violetta and Sylvia whether they’re at the ocean. They tell her that they’re at “one of the Michigan lakes.” Nicole is worried that there is jellyfish in the water. Sylvia and Violetta tell her that lake water is fresh water, not salt water, and so there aren’t any jellyfish. “I don’t know what that means,” says Nicole. Well bless her Staten Island heart, and bless the American educational system.

nicole-beach

Later, Tony and Nicole wander around the beach and they spot a group of women. Tony suggests that one of them should make out with Nicole. Two are ready and willing and able, so to be efficient, Tony and Nicole kiss the two ladies at the same time.

beach-makeout

Back at the house, Nicole, Bruno and Sylvia jump into the shower and then it’s off to another bar. Drinks are flowing, and Sylvia tells Bruno she is attracted to him. They start making out, and Nicole jokingly tells Bruno, “Bros before hos!” and tells Sylvia that she is cheating on her. “Fuhgeddaboudit!” she yells.

Madison and Tony retreat to the hot tub, the cast member that returns every season, and make out. Let’s hope the hot tub gets tested every season – also free with Obamacare! The rest of the roommates discuss whether their exes or anyone they hate will end up moving into the house like in the last season. They nervously agree that it probably won’t happen. Oh, ignorance is bliss.

The roommates take the L to a batting cage. Jason does terribly, but Nicole hits every balllike a boss. Violetta finds a bar and declares, “Drinking is my favorite sport.” The rest of the cast join Violetta in her favorite sport, and soon they are drunk, yet again. Sylvia and  Madison get into a fight, because Madison has a tendency to wander off, forcing the rest of the cast to send out search parties after her. Bruno piles in on Madison, telling her he doesn’t want to babysit her either.

Later, Sylvia and Jason play the worst ping pong match ever. The loser has to streak on the second floor. Sylvia loses and runs around in her birthday suit, trying to dodge the cameramen. Bruno remarks that Sylvia is probably a freak in bed, his eyes glowing with anticipation.

The roommates start taking about their pasts. Violetta had a boyfriend two-time her. Sylvia was in an abusive relationship where her boyfriend locked her in a closet, among other things. Madison was also in a bad relationship, but she only gives vague details. Later, Violetta coaxes the story out: Madison and her ex boyfriend got hooked on heroin, which ruined their lives. Only recently has she become clean. She tells the girls not to tell Tony, as she wants to tell him herself.

Madison tells Tony her past struggles with heroin addiction and he tells her that he understands, as his father was also an addict. Madison is relieved that Tony gets it, and they hug and go back to the house.

madison-tony

Meanwhile, a little birdie calls Violetta and warns her that her mortal enemy may be arriving at the Real World abode soon. Violetta warns us that if this news is true, someone may end up dead. Well, that will be a first on The Real World.

Later, the roommates go out for drinks, and Bruno thinks Sylvia is getting too cozy with Tony, so he finds a girl in the bar and buys her a drink. Sylvia is furious and leaves. Back at the house, Bruno tries to talk to Sylvia, but she tells him to get lost. Violetta tells Bruno he screwed up, and Bruno loses his temper. We find out that Bruno has an anger management problem and that he hasn’t spoken to his brother in three years.

Previews for upcoming episodes show more drinking and more fighting. Nothing new here. Carry on. 

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