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“Top Chef: Boston” recap (12.8): The Overall Episode

Previously on Top Chef: Boston, it was Restaurant Wars, bitches. Melissa and Mei worked the line like BAMFs and probably braided each other’s hair afterwards. Keriann was sent packing, thus proving (to me, at least) that brunettes are the best. (full disclosure: I have brown hair.)

Guys, it’s the week we all (or maybe it’s just me) have been waiting for. We know a few things: Padma will wear overalls. She will run around a Whole Foods (potentially aimlessly) and knock things over. These are known facts, so honestly I’m feeling pretty good about things. Even if nothing else happens in this episode, we’ll have that.

Alas, some other things are going to happen, I guess. The chefs talk amongst themselves about the Restaurant Wars fallout. Doug is feeling great about himself. Katie, meanwhile, has zero remorse about Keriann going home and doesn’t feel responsible at all. She’s kind of a hard motherfucker, huh?

It’s a new day and the chefs are putting the stress of RW behind them for a new challenge. They arrive at the kitchen AND FIND PADMA. IN OVERALLS.

The guest chef’s name is Jasper (which was also the name of my childhood pet bunny, if you were wondering) and he must be known for seafood, because there is a whole table full of clams. I’m still not over Padma, so bear with me. Oh! It’s a sudden death quickfire, though, so I’m going to pay much better attention starting now, I swear.

The chefs have 30 minutes to make clam chowder. Damn, though, that’s not a lot of time for a chowdah. The winner receives immunity, while the loser has to battle FOR THEIR LIVES. (Dun dun DUNNN!) Mei takes the whole bowl of littleneck clams, because she’s a boss, and Melissa swoops in to just take a few of them. She’s “not going to play nice anymore,” but she’s kind of giggling while she says it and I just want to pinch her cheeks. Mei, however, is unamused by all the clam thievery afoot.

Oh god, it sounds like Adam is making a “Manhattan clam chowder.” Nonononononononono. Listen, I’m from New Jersey, so I’m usually onboard whenever people love to talk about how much better pizza/bagels/etc are from NYC-BUT I DRAW THE LINE AT CHOWDER. Gimme that thick, white goodness any day. Er, that came out wrong, but you know what I mean. GDI, it looks like Melissa is making something tomato-y too. Whhyyyyyy?

Katie’s making tea-infused chowder. I have just stopped questioning anything she makes at this point. In other news, I’m sure you’re just shocked to know that Katsuji is putting poblanos in his chowder. I can’t believe it!

The judges taste all the various chowders and the favorites end up being Adam, Gregory, and Melissa. Soooo, apparently I should shut the fuck up about red chowders, huh? But wait-a little validation! The lone white chowder in the top, Gregory’s, takes the win. Poor Adam was a close second.

Now for the bottoms (teehee): Doug’s chowder was salty, Katsuji’s poblanos were overpowering, Mei’s was under-seasoned, and Katie’s addition of raw sourdough was not good at all. Katie is on the bottom and will have to cook FOR HER LIFE.

TWIST!!! Tom comes into the kitchen with all the previously eliminated chefs. They get to choose amongst themselves who will cook against Katie (but they can’t vote for themselves). If the eliminated chef wins, he or she gets to enter back into the competition.

Most of the chefs vote for George, because he was eliminated after the very first quickfire and people think he deserves the second chance the most. Ugh, all I can remember about him is that he pronounces kalamata annoyingly and that he’s a white guy. Damnit, we were down to a manageable number of 2 white guys.

George and Katie will have to cook a rabbit dish for this elimination challenge. Katie mentions that she hasn’t worked with rabbit in about 7 years, which is the age of a first grader, so that doesn’t sound promising. The chefs furiously cook, and George ends up switching from legs to loins mid-way.

The judges taste the dishes- Katie made braised Moroccan rabbit legs and George prepared roasted loin with barley risotto. Both Jasper and Tom pick George’s rabbit and, with that, he has all the votes he needs to get back in the competition. Which means Katie is out. Bye Katie! You made some weird shit, man, but best of luck! The eliminated chefs who aren’t George are informed that Last Chance Kitchen is coming back. I just hope another white guy doesn’t weasel his way back in, I CAN’T TELL YOU APART I’M SORRY.

Elimination challenge: Blaze and Gail join Padma and Tom in the kitchen. Padma explains that they will be catering a tasting for Top Chef Superfans. I am honestly just so upset that this was filmed before I moved back to Boston in September.

So, 75 fans not named Jenna Duggan-Lykes get a meal cooked by the Top Chefs. Good for them. Really, truly, I’m happy for them.

Tom also tells the chefs that the judges will be doing the shopping. YES. WE MADE IT, Y’ALL. I’m so excited for this scene. Before we get there, Tom lets the chefs know that they won’t know what the ingredients are until they begin cooking. The chefs draw knives to find out which judge’s pantry they’ll get to use.

Now, the shopping montage. I feel it can only accurately be portrayed with visuals, so here you go and, also, you’re welcome:

Anyway, George gets a tour of the house and the other chefs are a little nervous about him, but I don’t really care at all. I just want to re-watch Padma go shopping for the rest of my life.

We get some background info on both George and Adam, so probably one of them is going to go home. Everyone is feeling pretty tense about this elimination. The chefs arrive at the kitchen and start looking through the ingredients that have been purchased for them. They have two hours to prep. Some chefs are happy with their judge’s purchases (Mei), and some are not (Adam).

The chefs work on their dishes- some people have a tough time conceptualizing their plates, while Katsuji, as per usual, kind of goes crazy and throw a bunch of different shit together. According to Doug, it works, though, and I’m inclined to trust Doug. Adam talks about taking risks, so he’s going to scald his shrimp in hot oil. That sounds dangerous.

Time’s up and the guests (who are all still not me) arrive. You lucky bastards. Ugh, they all look so happy. Okay, okay, I’m fine. Anyway, the chefs are chatty and lovely, serving the superfans. And fuck, those people are meeting Padma. This episode is straight up TORTURE.

Katsuji tells Gail her basket was “cute,” and Blaze jokes that means there weren’t enough chilies. Good one, Blaze. They seem to like Katsuji’s shrimp, potato salad, and sangria. Padma praises Gregory’s curry and he giggles adorably about it. Still heart you, Gregory. Adam’s shrimp is undercooked by just a bit, but his flavors are good.

Melissa’s dish was good, but Blaze thinks it was too safe. Ugh, I’m stressed now. Mei’s lamb is a little under, but Tom comments that the flavors are good. The judges like Doug’s mussels-is it just me or does Doug make mussels a lot? NewGuyGeorge makes a lamb kabob thing and he gets some good feedback.

The judges like NewGuyGeorge and Gregory the best, and were also happy with Doug’s mussels. They did not like Mei or Adam, and were kind of underwhelmed by Melissa. No. This is my nightmare, guys. I’m going to be super duper upset if Mei or Melissa go home.

Wow, in a surprise move, Doug wins again! I really didn’t see that coming, based on the way the judges talked about all three top dishes.

The judges complain about Mei’s lamb and she wonders if perhaps she should’ve taken them off the bone. Adam defends his cooking technique, and Tom, again, comments on the salt content. If I ever cook for Tom the only thing I’m going to do is make sure I season EVERYTHING. They want Melissa to do something riskier and different.

OK, moment of truth: I’m not doing too great, to be honest. Oh man, Adam is going home! I have to say, he’s grown on me, but this is a ruthless competition, and I’m so glad my girls are still in it.

Next week on Top Chef: ZOMG Rob Gronkowski is on and Padma flirts with him. He’s such a goofball that I can’t even be jealous. Oh Gronk.

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