Previously on Gracepoint, everything was terrible and awful and cold and the entire town owed fealty to their whale overlords. Also, Carver passed out in a field while “A” scampered off into the forest like a woodland sprite.
Carver wakes up in a hospital bed, with a concerned Miller standing over him. She, like everyone else on this show, wants Carver to quit the case and focus on not dying. I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that Carver is going to die as soon as they arrest the murderer. OR MAYBE HE WAS DEAD THE WHOLE TIME. Carver stumbles out of his hospital bed and drags ass to the precinct, where he is promptly suspended for being a walking corpse.
Over at the church, Beth is confiding in Paul the Priest. She’s excited for the new baby, but she is still heavy into the grieving process. Paul comforts her with a hug that soon turns vaguely gropey. Ugh Paul, now is NOT the time. Mark sees Beth leaving the church and immediately assumes she’s banging Paul, which is rich, considering he was banging the British innkeeper. Stop projecting your issues onto your poor wife, Mark! Beth wants them to go to marriage counseling, which is probably the best idea ever, but Mark refuses because his therapy is a punching bag in the garage.
Back at the precinct, Miller interrogates Creepy Susan, who still demands to see her dog. Miller plays bad cop (threatening the dog!) and Susan reveals that she found Danny’s body while she was walking the dog. She then stared at it while she smoked three cigarettes and left, which is a normal thing that people do when they encounter dead children. Don’t you guys remember that popular Virginia Slims ad where the model smokes in a crime scene? You’ve come a long way baby indeed.
Over at the Gracepoint journal, Owen is fixing the copier and Kathy is being flawless. Sidebar, it must be so hard for Kathy to date, considering she’s the only lez in the village. I bet her Match.com game is on fucking point, though. Anyways, Renee comes crawling in and tells them that her boss is making her leave town. She spills the beans about Carver’s health and walks away.
Back at the precinct, we FINALLY get Creepy Susan’s backstory, and it is appropriately creepy. She was married with two daughters, and her husband raped and killed the eldest. Susan claimed to have no idea, but foster care took her younger daughter and the baby Susan was carrying. And guess who that baby grew up to be?
Vince, the plumbing assistant! This explains his bizarre relationship with Susan, although it doesn’t fully explain why he stole her dog. The cops arrest Vince, save the dog, and bring everyone into the station. Susan tells Miller that she saw Vince on the beach with the boat and Danny’s body. So, Susan is ratting out her own estranged son. In a misguided attempt to protect him, Susan took Danny’s skateboard and tried to use it as leverage to force Vince to have a relationship with her. Vince tells the cops Susan is a compulsive liar and he wants nothing to do with her.
Evidence starts stacking up against Vince: he took Danny on secret camping trips, his father was violent, he got Danny’s name tattooed on his arm. He makes skateboards for the local kids. He kept asking Mark for a raise. He stole a dog. Of course, he has to be innocent, because we still have one more episode of this show and it would be hella anti-climactic if they caught the murderer in episode 9. In fact, I think we can rule out everyone the police have brought in:
Innocent People Wrongly Accused List:
– Mark Solano
– Paul Coates
– Vince the Plumber
– Sea Captain Jack
– Creepy Susan
– Chloe’s Boyfriend Dean
– Crazy Hitchhiker
– Jennifer Love Comcast
Guys, I’m basically Sherlock Holmes at this point. Except my mind palace is more like a mind studio apartment above a garage. You’re welcome, Miller and Carver.
Susan begs Miller to keep her fucked up family history a secret from Vince, but Carver disagrees. He immediately gives the newspaper clippings to Vince, thus fucking up his entire life. Miller is furious, but Carver is literally at death’s door so he’s dropping mad truth bombs before he croaks. Vince reads his disturbing origin story and bursts into tears.
Meanwhile, Paul brings Tommy’s smashed laptop to Carver because he (rightfully) suspects that Tom is hiding something. He also tells Carver that Tom threatened to tell the cops that he hit Danny on a camping trip, which is a lie. Tom is one conniving middle schooler.
The cops release Susan but keep Vince in a holding cell. Susan makes a desperately lonely plea to Vince, who spurns her affections. She immediately starts calling him a murderer and screaming that he killed Danny. I think the only thing these people are guilty of is being the absolute worst. Susan is reunited with her dog, and Miller asks her point-blank how she could not know about the horrors happening under her own roof. Susan has no answer. YOU GUYS I JUST HAD A BRILLIANT THOUGHT: I think Miller is related to the killer! Maybe it’s Tommy, maybe it’s stay-at-home hubby Joe. Maybe it’s that toddler?!
Kathy and Owen confront Carver about his illness and use it to get an exclusive on the Solano case. Carver finally reveals what really happened with the Rosemont case. The story was that Carver lost crucial evidence and botched the entire trial. The REAL story was that his WIFE (a cop) stopped at a motel to cheat on him, and her squad car was burgled of the evidence. Carver took the fall for the fuck-up because he didn’t want his daughter to find out about Mrs. Officer Carver’s infidelity. DAMN GINA. Carver tells them that he still hasn’t given up on the case, and begs them not to use his wife’s name in the article.
Carver asks Miller for Tommy’s laptop, despite already having it. Miller then frantically searches for the laptop and gets in a fight with her husband about how she works all the time and he does nothing. Um, he’s raising the kids and making enchiladas, Ellie. Don’t you know that enchiladas are a full-time job?
Before Joe can defend being a stay-at-home dad, Miller goes to her drug addicted sister’s house with a rent check to help her out. Sister tells her that the night Danny was killed, she saw the plumbing van pulled over with a man carrying a body-like sack. And guess who drives the plumbing van? Vince.
Tune in next week, where we FINALLY find out who killed Danny Solano! My top suspects are:
– Tommy Miller
– Joe Miller
– Humpback Whale
– Archie the dog
Tweet me your conspiracy theories @chelseaprocrast
