“Faking It” recap (2.10): The Cardboard Castle of Princess Sarcasm

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You know, I really think we should do away with the whole concept of mid-season finales. The holidays are stressful enough without losing all our stories at once, usually right at the moment they’re getting good. Then again, anticipation is half the joy of TV, and god knows we have a lot to anticipate between now and Season 2B of Faking It.

So, previously on the show you hate to love/love to hate/don’t even watch but have strong opinions about, Karma declared that both Amy and Liam were dead to her, which obviously couldn’t last long, since who even is Karma without those relationships? (Now that’s a question I’d like to see answered in the second half of the season.) Shane was thoroughly heartbroken when Duke picked sweet endorsement dollars over sweet boy kisses, and Lauren was even more heartbroken when Theo left her waiting all through the night in the Courtyard of Destiny.

The next day, Amy arises ready to win back Karma’s friendship. They are soul mates, destined to spend their lives together in codependent, marginally platonic bliss. But when Amy arrives downstairs, she discovers the situation is even worse than she knew: Karma has dropped off a box of all their shared mementoes, because when you are totally done with someone the first thing you do is make a grand gesture of disposing of all their possessions.

fakingit10.1AND YET I DON’T SEE ANY OF THE SEX TOYS WE BOUGHT FOR THAT THREESOME.

Amy is like, “It’s fine, it’s fine. This is merely one stanza in the epic poem of our love.” But Amy’s mom is like “IDK, babe. You slept with her boyfriend so maybe that poem is going to be more like a haiku.” For whatever it’s worth, I don’t think either of them are right. Just because you do something fucked up, doesn’t mean you should be banished to a cave for the rest of time, but also you shouldn’t make any assumptions about “soul mates” and “the rest of your life” at the age of 16.

While Amy tries to weather the storm of Karma’s scorn, Liam decides to get out of dodge altogether. In the space of, I guess twelve hours he has applied for a fellowship at the Xander Harris Institute for Superfluous Men (also known as art school). Now that Karma hates him and the rest of the school is sure to find out the humiliating secret of his VAST FORTUNE, there is nothing left for him at Hester. Shane is equally despondent, since he has a Skwerkel alert on his phone that beeps every time a gossip website describes Duke as “canoodling” with his beard.

He is seriously tempted to out Duke to TMZ but remembers his vow never again to make decisions about other people’s sexualities. He is forgetting, of course, the Alice Pieszecki Pro-Athlete Loophole, which allows for certain exceptions when the outing is for the greater good and can score you your own talk show deal.

While Shane stews, Lauren sublimates. She decides to run for Class President on a platform of Being Better Than Everyone Else. Sidebar: are you really going to tell me that Hester High, bastion of progressiveness, would subscribe to such an outmoded, inherently flawed system as “presidency?”

fakingit10.2WE’RE AN ANARCHO-SYNDICALIST COUMMUNE. WE TAKE IT IN TURNS TO ACT AS A SORT OF EXECUTIVE OFFICER FOR THE WEEK.

But Lauren desperately needs something to distract her from the gaping, Theo-shaped hole in her heart, ever since he ditched her for Brandy and her pot brownies. But it turns out that Theo’s interest in Brandy’s brownies wasn’t so much personal as it was professional.

fakingit10.3YEP, I CALLED IT. YOU MAY ALL HEAP YOUR PRAISE/LAURELS/GOLD AT MY FEET BECAUSE I KNEW IT FROM THE START. THEO IS A NARC AND I AM A TV GENIUS.

Back at school, Reagan calls up Amy and the first thing out of her mouth is “Eight minutes, twenty-nine seconds.” At first I assumed this was the total amount of time it takes both of them to orgasm.

fakingit10.4THE 29 SECONDS IS YOU. DON’T WORRY, IT’S MOSTLY ADORABLE.

It turns out that time also refers to how long it takes Reagan to set up their tent. That’s right: Reamy are going camping, which is basically a training bra for U-Hauling. Amy is like “Yeah, about that…” and Reagan is like “I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU MAKE US MISS OUT ON OUTDOOR SEX BECAUSE OF YOUR BEST FRIEND DRAMA, I WILL BE SO MAD.” Reagan vows that she is going camping with or without her girlfriend, which is an obvious bluff, but I still see where she’s coming from.

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