“South of Nowhere” Recap: Episode 3.11 “A Very Inconvenient Truth”


Playing doctor — Kyla wakes up in her bed of lies, only to
overhear Jake making excuses for her wretched lip-synching debut on national
television.  She seems to be weary of the
whole tawdry charade (pronounced “sha-raaaaahd”) and barks at him from the
bedroom, “Tell them I’m sorry. Tell them I suck.”

He tells her to relax, because they’re back in L.A. now, “and
everything’s beautiful.” And by “beautiful” he means that their little ruse is
still working.  He tells Kyla that “Dr.
Avery” went on Access Hollywood and took full
responsibility for her performance debacle.
Avery told everyone that he had instructed Kyla to rest her voice, and
that she only lip-synched under doctor’s orders.

Kyla howls, “Nobody’s gonna buy that!” But Jake tells her
that her sister has indeed “bought it.”
And we all know that Kyla’s way
more afraid of the fury of Ashley Davies than she is the wrath of Nancy O’Dell.

Speaking of Ashley, she’s busy breaking
in the kitchen. Kyla follows the smashing sound, where she finds her
sister sweeping up a mess of her own making. Hmm, maybe Kyla should give that a

Kyla: I know you’re still mad at me. And I don’t blame you.
I should have told you I was lip-synching before we went onstage.
Damn right you should have.
You’re speaking to me again, that’s encouraging.
Look, I’m not happy and our debut was ruined. I’m
actually furious. But I know you were sick and it could have been a little
worse. You could have pulled a Lindsay Lohan and flashed everyone your

Hey, watch it now! You don’t have to bring my girl Lindsay
into this disaster.  She’s busy running a

Kyla: I can’t sing.

Ashley: Yes you can Kyla. You have so much potential, look
at what you did with the single.  Don’t
worry, our next show will be perfect.
No, it won’t.
Because that wasn’t me on the record. They, uh, they dubbed in someone
else’s voice.

Ashley: Who did?
Don’t make me answer that. Ashley…

Ashley. Stop. Here’s
what’s going to happen
. You are going to come clean about your charade to
everybody, and I mean the entire planet. Because if you don’t, I will. Do you
understand me?

Kyla: Yes, I do. Can I just—
That was my dream. It was everything I ever wanted
and you just trashed it.
Can I just say one thing to you?
No. No. Because I honestly could care less about
what you have to say right now. From here on out, you’re on your own.

Ashley noisily storms away in her hoochie boots (does she
want some fries with that shake?), leaving Kyla to cry alone in the
kitchen.  She should just make herself a
sandwich. Mustard makes everything

I think we’re alone now—Ashley speeds away in her Porsche to
her own cure-all, Spencer.  Spencer tries
to talk her off the ledge via phone, but Ashley is almost inconsolable. Almost.

Ashley: Can we please just never talk about the show?
I hear ya.
I really just need somewhere to hide from the media
and just resist the temptation to strangle Kyla.

Hide from the media? I didn’t see any cameras following her
around.  Ashley needs to choose a
different beverage, because her own Kool-Aid ain’t working for her!

Spencer: Well, you’re in luck. My dad and Glen are going
camping, and my mom is doing a double shift.
The place to ourselves? Well, yay, now we can have
our own little fiesta.
We can do whatever we want.

Spencer makes doing “whatever we want” sound like this,
but if SON history is any indicator,
it will be more like this.

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