“South of Nowhere” Recap: Episode 3.11 “A Very Inconvenient Truth”

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Playing doctor — Kyla wakes up in her bed of lies, only to

overhear Jake making excuses for her wretched lip-synching debut on national

television.  She seems to be weary of the

whole tawdry charade (pronounced “sha-raaaaahd”) and barks at him from the

bedroom, “Tell them I’m sorry. Tell them I suck.”

He tells her to relax, because they’re back in L.A. now, “and

everything’s beautiful.” And by “beautiful” he means that their little ruse is

still working.  He tells Kyla that “Dr.

Avery” went on Access Hollywood and took full

responsibility for her performance debacle.

Avery told everyone that he had instructed Kyla to rest her voice, and

that she only lip-synched under doctor’s orders.

Kyla howls, “Nobody’s gonna buy that!” But Jake tells her

that her sister has indeed “bought it.”

And we all know that Kyla’s way

more afraid of the fury of Ashley Davies than she is the wrath of Nancy O’Dell.

Speaking of Ashley, she’s busy breaking

dishes
in the kitchen. Kyla follows the smashing sound, where she finds her

sister sweeping up a mess of her own making. Hmm, maybe Kyla should give that a

try.

Kyla: I know you’re still mad at me. And I don’t blame you.

I should have told you I was lip-synching before we went onstage.

Ashley:
Damn right you should have.

Kyla:
You’re speaking to me again, that’s encouraging.

Ashley:
Look, I’m not happy and our debut was ruined. I’m

actually furious. But I know you were sick and it could have been a little

worse. You could have pulled a Lindsay Lohan and flashed everyone your

business.

Hey, watch it now! You don’t have to bring my girl Lindsay

into this disaster.  She’s busy running a

legitimate

business!

Kyla: I can’t sing.

Ashley: Yes you can Kyla. You have so much potential, look

at what you did with the single.  Don’t

worry, our next show will be perfect.

Kyla:
No, it won’t.

Because that wasn’t me on the record. They, uh, they dubbed in someone

else’s voice.

Ashley: Who did?

Kyla:
Don’t make me answer that. Ashley…

Ashley. Stop. Here’s

what’s going to happen
. You are going to come clean about your charade to

everybody, and I mean the entire planet. Because if you don’t, I will. Do you

understand me?

Kyla: Yes, I do. Can I just—

Ashley:
That was my dream. It was everything I ever wanted

and you just trashed it.

Kyla:
Can I just say one thing to you?

Ashley:
No. No. Because I honestly could care less about

what you have to say right now. From here on out, you’re on your own.

Ashley noisily storms away in her hoochie boots (does she

want some fries with that shake?), leaving Kyla to cry alone in the

kitchen.  She should just make herself a

sandwich. Mustard makes everything

better
.

I think we’re alone now—Ashley speeds away in her Porsche to

her own cure-all, Spencer.  Spencer tries

to talk her off the ledge via phone, but Ashley is almost inconsolable. Almost.

Ashley: Can we please just never talk about the show?

Spencer:
I hear ya.

Ashley:
I really just need somewhere to hide from the media

and just resist the temptation to strangle Kyla.

Hide from the media? I didn’t see any cameras following her

around.  Ashley needs to choose a

different beverage, because her own Kool-Aid ain’t working for her!

Spencer: Well, you’re in luck. My dad and Glen are going

camping, and my mom is doing a double shift.

Ashley:
The place to ourselves? Well, yay, now we can have

our own little fiesta.

Spencer:
We can do whatever we want.

Spencer makes doing “whatever we want” sound like this,

but if SON history is any indicator,

it will be more like this.

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