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Notes & Queeries: The Undiscovered Country

Notes & Queeries is a monthly column that focuses on the personal side of pop culture for lesbians and bisexual women.

After at least seven episodes of buildup, the budding lesbian romance on ABC’s Grey’s Anatomy took a significant step out of the closet in the Oct. 16 episode, “Brave New World,” when Dr. Erica Hahn (Brooke Smith) and Dr. Callie Torres (Sara Ramirez) finally went out on their first date.

But although the two women dropped a lot of baseball metaphors at dinner, we didn’t get to see either of them getting anywhere near first base.

Given that the two women already shared a passionate kiss at the end of last season, viewers understandably might be disappointed that the episode came to an end before Callie and Erica even ordered their dinner.

But what “Brave New World” did give us was something that I think we would do well to savor: a sweet, lingering beginning.

How striking that we can see that on television now: a largely positive launch into a same-sex romance, avoiding, so far, any homophobia. Instead, we have two women who have never been in love with another woman before, and when their eyes open to that possibility, whatever fear they feel is trumped by a thrill of anticipation. That is quite a change from the coming-out tales of the past.

In those story lines, one or both of the women involved would struggle with her sexual orientation, thus turning her first same-sex relationship into an often painful lesson in self-acceptance. Though sometimes those relationships did lead to happy endings, they also tended to lack the spine-tingling, birds chirping sensations of a good old-fashioned romance that doesn’t involve an identity crisis.

The other kind of lesbian storyline typically seen on television these days is the cable TV variety, predominantly on The L Word, in which seduction is generally limited to a few snappy words before the couple falls into bed with each other. That may be revolutionary in its own way – yes, lesbians can be as impulsive and sexually voracious as gay men and straight folks – but it does lack a certain charm.

Instead of taking one of these two well-traveled paths, Grey’s Anatomy has mostly skipped the after-school special part of the coming-out story in favor of building a spine-tingling romance. I have no idea if it will continue in this direction, but for now, I’m surprised to say that I’m enjoying its relatively glacial pace. It allows us time to linger, to look at the women involved, and to remember what it’s like in the first blush of any relationship.

It was a very brief scene in “Brave New World” that drove this home for me. It occurred when Dr. Bailey (Chandra Wilson) caught Erica watching Callie enter an elevator. Bailey is uncomfortable because she can see Erica’s heart written on her face: When she looks at Callie, she looks like she is seeing a whole new world, and it is a beautiful one.

It is this kind of moment that makes real-life romance worthwhile: the moment when inchoate emotions sharpen into a real, three-dimensional experience. This is when your heartbeat quickens; this is when you lose your breath; this is when your palms grow damp.

It was unexpected – it was uplifting – to see this moment between two women on a TV show.

Although the relationship between Callie and Erica is rife with the potential for destructive melodrama, it has so far avoided imploding on itself by inserting some well-placed and well-written humor. That lends a grounding, human touch to the storyline that makes it all the more real.

Earlier in “Brave New World,” Callie reveals to Bailey that she and Erica were going to go on a date. “What if I’m not into it?” Callie says a little desperately. “What if I’m horrible at all that stuff south of the border? ‘Cause I’ve never been south of the border – with a female. I’ve never even been over the, uh, northern mountains, you know what I’m sayin’?”

Her anxiety echoes the fears of many first-time lesbians, and Ramirez’s delivery gives the words an endearing vulnerability. Who hasn’t had a moment of panic when first crossing into the uncharted territory of a new relationship?

After Bailey sees the way Erica looks at Callie, she decides to give Callie a pep talk, using a metaphor that is both hilarious and appropriate.

Bailey: The vajayjay is undiscovered country. It is the motherland. You’ve never traveled there, you don’t know its customs and ways. Now me, I’ve always wanted to go to Africa. But if I go, I’m going to have to learn a few things first. I’m going to have to prepare. I’ll need shots – um, bring my own syringes in case something goes wrong, and I’ll want to know how to get to the embassy.

Callie: OK, now you’ve lost me.

Bailey: Just talk about it. Not with me. With the other one. Talk about the rules, the expectations; figure out how to gracefully demur if you find that you don’t like the local cuisine. In Ethiopia, they eat stew off of spongey, sour bread. That’s not for everyone.

Callie may or may not ultimately like the local cuisine – I’m not convinced that she’ll be entirely comfortable in this new country – but when she arrives at her dinner date with Erica, she seems willing to take a chance.

And that’s what the early stages of a relationship are all about: seeing the opportunity and seizing it, even if your hands are a little shaky. It’s the fear, after all, that makes it that much sweeter.

Of course, there are always potential pitfalls when entering unfamiliar territory, and if Grey’s Anatomy does for Callica what it does for all of its couples, Callie and Erica will encounter their own hurdles.

But before we rush off into dire predictions of squandered opportunities, unrealistic pregnancies or tragic deaths – and given the lesbian storylines we’ve suffered through before, that’s understandable – I am enjoying the slow bloom of their romance.

It has a magic that would have been absent had they rushed into bed with each other.

Whatever happens further on down the road in this storyline, I do think it’s commendable that its beginning has been unfurled so deliberately, especially in a TV landscape driven by the search for the next big thing. Maybe it shows that the writers understand that the first time you truly see someone who shows you the possibilities in that undiscovered country – that time is something special.

Wasn’t that the way it was for you, once?

Even if it didn’t work out the way you wanted it to; even if – or because – it ended badly; you still remember what it felt like that first time.

When it was late at night, and you were coming back from that night out, and the two of you were in the back seat, with her friend driving. The windows were open and it was warm, and there was some kind of music playing, but you don’t remember what. The city was a blur outside; the street lights all said go. She was real, and you could feel it with every nerve in your body.

For more on Malinda Lo, visit malindalo.com.

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