It is time for a confession so shocking I fear I might lose your affection forever. Dear readers, in college I did not major in Lesbian Scientistics — no, I was a finance major with a minor in history and political science.
Even worse, I have been abusing my Scientistics powers of late. I have not been researching any queer subjects at all. I am using all of my Scientistics energy to try to predict the winner of the presidential election. Unfortunately, I continue to fail. Presidential elections are a tricky business.
Luckily, those aren’t the only elections taking place this November. Thirty-three percent of you Americans will be voting for for your congressperson this fall, and while I cannot predict the president, I am absolutely certain I could guess who will win your congressional seat. See, when people get to the polls to vote for congress, 90 percent chose their candidate based on name recognition. That’s why it’s so hard to beat an incumbent: shear popularity drives the vote.
Using that knowledge and the power of Google Trends, I have predicted who would win a congressional seat among the women on some of your favorite shows.
First up, Gossip Girl.
Whose name is most popular among Google searchers? Is it Leighton Meester as Queen B: Blair Waldorf? Or, Blake Lively as bad girl gone good gone bad again, Serena Van der Woodsen. Or, is it Taylor Momsen‘s little Jenny Humphrey, who is, at this moment, usurping Blair’s place in Blair’s own mother’s heart?
Looks like Bad Serena would win the congress seat on the Upper East Side.
Next, who would be the congresswoman in WeHo? Let’s analyze the ladies of The L Word.
Can Jennifer Beals‘ Dean Porter edge out the lovable Leisha Hailey as Alice, or the sexy Kate Moennig as Shane?
Um, yes. In a landslide.
What about the surgeons from Grey’s Anatomy?
Ellen Pompeo‘s Meredith has finally gotten some therapy. Will that make her more likable? Or, how about Katherine Heigl as the much hated (yet still gorgeous) Izzie Stevens? Maybe the driven and hilarious Sandra Oh as Cristina Yang would make a good congresswoman. Or, the newly sapphic Dr. Callie Torres, played by Sara Ramirez.
Oh, yikes. Heigl’s controversy makes her a perfect pick to govern the district of Seattle Grace, it seems.
What about reality television hosts?
My girlfriend Cat Deeley from So You Think You Can Dance would be an inspired choice. Tyra Banks has traveled far and wide for America’s Next Top Model, much farther I’m sure than Sarah Palin has ever traveled. Then there’s Alison Sweeney who not only plays the conniving Sami Brady on Days of Our Lives; she also hosts NBC’s weight-loss show, The Biggest Loser.
I am holding one congresswoman’s picture in my hand, and it is Tyra Banks’!
If you could vote between the winners (Blake Lively, Katherine Heigl, Tyra Banks and Jennifer Beals), who would be your next celebrity congresswoman? Or maybe try out Google Trends with the characters from your favorite shows and let us know who would be most likely to be elected to office.
I’ll leave you with this: One day this September, Gossip Girl was more popular than God. Even someone with a PhD in Lesbian Scientistics wouldn’t know what to make of that.