“America’s Next Top Model” Cycle 11 Recaps: Episode 11.5 “Fierce Eyes”

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This week’s episode begins with Elina talking about being called first at the last week’s panel: “I can’t even take it in right now.”

Not to be too juvenile here, but when America’s

Next Top Model
starts off with a “That’s what she said!” joke, you know the night is gonna be good.

Are those lima or string? — Analeigh is relaying

her anxiety to Marjorie and Hannah regarding her spot in the bottom two last

week. She knows she’s got to step up her game, but she’s understandably nervous

about being sent home. Hannah pounces, basically calling them a couple of

Debbie Downers who love to throw themselves pity parties: “You guys are always

wallowing!” Marjorie jumps to Analeigh’s defense, telling Hannah to quit being

so insensitive, that Analeigh has “every right to be sad.” What a pal, that

Marjorie!

This is all lost on Hannah, of course, who takes her confessional as an

opportunity to dole out the strangest advice I’ve ever heard. When you’re

feeling down, apparently you should just “pick up your beans and you keep on

rollin’.” I get the message, but … beans? Is Hannah actually 65 years old? And

an Alaskan farmer? Hmm … this must be a small-town thing.

These shoes are made for bowling —

It’s time for the runway walk tutorial and as can be expected, the girls and

Miss J head to … a bowling alley. The girls put on high-heel bowling shoes

(Hannah: “I didn’t even know they made stuff like that!”) and do their best to

strut down the wax-covered lanes. I will be the first to admit I attempted the

very same thing (OK, I was wearing regular ol’ bowling shoes) after a

positively wild night wherein I drank

beer and, for the first time, bowled more than 100.

The point here is not my rather pathetic bowling skills, but that I only got

about half a foot down the lane before my feet came out from under me and I

fell unceremoniously on my rear; any small amount of cool I’d managed to accumulate in my life up to that point was

whisked away in a wax-scented cloud that mysteriously sounded like the laughter

of drunken bowlers.

Wait, that’s not the point either!

The point is (I swear this time for reals), most of the models did fairly well

during what was surely a difficult training session. Please note, I said most. Samantha’s bow legs prove to be a

bit of a problem as she clomps down the alley, but she vows to make ’em work

regardless: “I’m gonna rock my bow

legs!” Yes, Samantha, I’m sure you will. Whatever you do, please promise me you

won’t ever stop making the awesome faces you pull in every confessional.

Meanwhile, Hannah’s walk bears a strong resemblance to Mick Jagger’s famous

on-stage chicken strut. Later, at home, she practices on the mini runway but

doesn’t show much improvement. Uh oh … I think it might be time for someone to

start picking up her beans.

Gossip girls — Lauren Brie and

Clark with No E engage in a little household gossip, and Clark once again takes

the opportunity to slag on Isis: her hands and waist aren’t feminine enough,

and Clark thinks it’s high time Isis hits the road. Mind you, this was all said

in a whisper, so I don’t think we’re supposed to know about it!

Being talked about is nothing new for ANTM’s

first transgender contestant, though, and Isis proves fearless when talking to

Joslyn and McKey … err, I think she

proves fearless, anyway. “When I’m on that runway, what are you gonna say? You

can’t tell me nuthin’.” Nothing, Isis? I can’t even warn you of, say, impending

danger at the end of the catwalk, like, “Look out for that bear that’s shooting

lasers at you!”? I’m just saying, it’s good to keep your ears open.

In related news, a laser-shooting bear would be pretty cool.

The most important thing to note about the exchange between Isis, McKey and

Joslyn (yes, more important than Isis’s determination and McKey’s never-ending

support) is that it all takes place in the bathroom, where we can see that the

girls have taken down the creepy

picture of Bald Tyra last seen in Episode Two, tucking it away behind piles

of makeup. I high-fived all of them in my head for their collective good sense.

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