“Gossip Girl” mini-cap: No more love in an elevator

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First things first: Yes, Dan, sometimes people are treated differently because of who they are. Pout, shout, get a picket sign and protest, but please, get over it. Just because Serena knows this reality doesn’t make her a snob. It must be hard for Dan to stand up straight with that huge chip on his shoulder.

The latest episode, “The Dark Night,” features insufferable Dan and his bruised ego as the joker. Yet again, we see that Serena doesn’t have a superiority issue but Dan obviously has an inferiority one. Dude’s a drag.

On to more delicious topics like Blair. How cute did she look in all of her outfits? But what’s the deal with Marcus? He better recognize fire when it’s burning next to him. First Chuck can’t tell the girl “I love you,” then Marcus gives her the not-tonight-honey-I-have-a-headache blow off? Are the guys on Gossip Girl nuts?

Nate, the prostitute, acts like he’s nuts because, not only does he find himself stuck with a rich royal bully rather than an empathetic free spirit, but he told the bully the name of the island his father escaped to. I can’t fathom any of the girls being that dumb, not even Jenny.

These are the last days of summer and there’s a heat wave in NYC. On TV, this means a black out. Blair plans another party, and she’s still worried that Marcus isn’t in to her. She tries to get sexually cozy, but he gets all lordly, calls her a flower and says he wants their first time together to be special. Shut up, Marcus.

Serena and Dan continue their PDA, and someone takes a cell phone picture and sends to Gossip Girl. Before you can say, “Can you hear me now?” the news of their pending reunion is all over the Upper East Side. They get congrats from most people, except Blair. She hates the idea. (Me, too.)

Chuck can’t enjoy his dalliances lately. He’s just not, um, up for women ever since he froze at Blair’s “I love you” request. He’s either doomed to a life of little blue pills or he’s in love with Blair.

As for Nate, he’s being kept so tightly by Catherine, the Duchess, he feels like he’s wearing spandex. Ironically, she wonders if he’s cheating on her. She follows him, like she’s James Bond, to see what he’s up to. Turns out he’s up to Brooklyn to visit the sweet and nurturing Vanessa.

Catherine enlists her new BFF, Blair, to help get info on the age-appropriate lass the other woman. Blair helps with a plot to introduce Vanessa to Catherine by inviting Nate and Vanessa to her party.

Marcus later tells Nate that Blair and Catherine are buddies and that Catherine’s attending the party. Nate smells the set-up and cancels with Vanessa. Poor Vanessa keeps getting canceled like a bad TV pilot. Rufus encourages Vanessa to go to the party anyway — sort of like how Rufus went to Lily’s wedding, I guess.

Meanwhile, Jenny, is being obnoxious in her Waldorf internship. Mama Waldorf catches Jenny dissing and re-designing one of her dresses. Dang, Jenny always gets caught and shamed by Waldorfs. Ultimately, Eleanor agrees that her designs aren’t as relevant as they used to be and she and Jenny bond as they re-design some outfits. Watch your back, Blair.

At the party, Chuck paws Blair, and she pretends she doesn’t like it. Riiight. He asks her to have sex with him so he can recapture his mojo and she rebuffs him — but the night’s young.

Nate comes to the party alone, foiling Catherine’s plan, but then Vanessa shows up. Even Blair sees that Catherine is overbearing and tells Catherine she’s making a fool of herself over a kid. Catherine says Nate makes her feel alive something her royal but dull husband apparently can’t do.

Dan meets Serena to go to the party and they get stuck in Serena’s elevator when the black out hits. Dan calls for help and is told it’s a citywide black out and someone will get there when they can. Serena tells him to mention her name so when Dan calls back and mentions van der Woodsen he’s told they’ll work on it immediately and voila! his annoying insecurity and inferiority complex surfaces again. (I fell asleep a little while he whines about it and, when I wake up, they are broken up.)

The party is blacked out, too. Nate tells Vanessa everything about his arrangement with Catherine. Vanessa is supportive and tells him he’s better than being a ho (my words not hers) and to get out of Catherine’s grip. She promises to wait for him — but then Catherine corners Vanessa and tells her to back off her underage man-boy or she’ll do something drastic.

Blair, still trying to figure out if passion exists with Marcus, asks him to meet her in her bedroom. Chuck overhears the plan and gets to Blair’s room first. It’s dark when Chuck walks in, and he and Blair start making out. Blair quickly realizes it’s Chuck and not Marcus and goes for it. Oh darn, the lights come back on as Marcus walks in and has a lordly melt down. So much for the delicate flower theory.

As Vanessa leaves the party, she tells Nate she’s bowing out and that Catherine loves him. Nate’s confused. Vanessa later confesses to Dan that Catherine will tell the feds where Nate’s father is hiding out if Nate leaves her. Ouch. Catherine is wicked.

Catherine’s a great villain but I’m done with her. I like Nate and Vanessa so I hope that’s explored. Do they have a chance? And where the heck is Lily? I’m sure I’m going to like broken up Dan and Serena better than together Dan and Serena. Will you?

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